Three Years In
by Stryder2008
Summary: Sam Wesson and Dean Winchester meet during their 3rd year at Stanford University. Sam is pre-law and Dean is pre-med (with a younger sister named Anna), they are roommates by accident. Story covers their story as they deal with Dean's abusive past and a potential future for them both. Complete AU, does not follow canon. MA for future chapters, non-con rape/ abuse (flashback).
1. Chapter 1

_**Three Years In**_

First the legalities, Supernatural and any of it's characters do not belong to me, mores the shame. Any similarity between this and any of the more than 70,000 other stories on this site, is purely coincidental and no plagarism was intended. I just wanted to play 's sandbox too. I have never posted one of my stories, this one is nearly complete and contains more than 100 pages at this time, if people are interested in the story please leave constructive criticism or reviews.

Sam and Dean are not related in this story, it is completely AU, please keep this in mind when reviewing. If you don't like this type of story, please don't read it.

Rating: This story is rated **M** for mature content to include M/M and non-con rape (although it is only in a flash back).

Chapter 1  
(**_The Meeting_**)

Sam Wesson rubbed the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut in a vain attempt to get the fuzzy orbs to focus. He raised his eyebrows into the shaggy bangs of his hairline as he opened them again and noticed that his other _unopened_ law books were still in front of him. _Damn! I gotta study all that or I'm gonna fail that test Friday?!_

He sighed and gently closed the book on Tort Law and set it aside in favor of the one on Environmental Law. Not that one was easier or more interesting than the other, it was just that he had been staring at this book for over three hours, his eyes now refusing to focus and his stiff back was starting to complain…_loudly_.

Sam rolled his shoulders in an unsuccessful attempt to remove the stiffness that had settled there over the past few hours. Not surprisingly…it didn't work.

_It was worth a try._ He thought, as he glanced up once again to see the clock on the wall, and then roaming about the nearly empty library; he suddenly noticed that some guy was staring at him from across the room. Sam tossed the guy a small smile and returned to his studying. It was only the second day of classes, but seeing that this was his senior year at Stanford University and his classes were requiring almost all of his free time, he knew that this would be regular thing in the future.

The full ride Scholarship that Sam had earned was always on the line, there were a lot of other students that would love to have him fail so that they could swoop in and take it from him. There was simply no way that Sam could have afforded a school like this without it, _not on mom's income_.

In fact unlike most of the other seniors, he still had to live in the dorms because he couldn't afford an apartment off campus.

Sam swiveled his head on his shoulders and heard the satisfying crack as his neck popped, _I wish you could see this mom._ His thoughts drifted again, this time to his mother and he felt his heart contract painfully at that line of thought. She had died when he was sixteen from a heart attack, or so he had been told by the doctors, but he had always wondered about that. His mother was in excellent shape, considering she was a long haul trucker, but she ran every morning…at least five miles.

He had developed a love of running because of her; she had always said that no matter where they were in the nation, the road was always the same… _it didn't judge or care how much money you had._

Sam's thoughts then turned to the big red 18 wheeler that had been the only home he had ever known. The sleeper cab had been his own personal playground when he was a kid and over the years it was his study room and escape from the constant travelling that was required of a long haul trucker.

The only thing that his mother had insisted on was that he returned every week to Seattle, Washington to a small Dojo called Mr. Soks Kenpo Studies. It was in this studio that Sam learned to fight, respect others, and eventually take care of himself. Somehow Jessica Wesson had known that her incredibly smart and somewhat geeky son would need this as the school bullies tried to make him give them his lunch money.

The bullying had stopped by the time Sam was 14, he was just shy of 6 feet tall, though he was still a bean pole…but he had learned to move with a fluid grace that seemed to warn the larger boys that if they messed with him they may not like the outcome.

Sam had earned his Blackbelt in Kenpo at the tender age of 13, his instructor Mr. Sok had given him two gifts to commemorate the occasion. One had been a Jade pendant in the shape of a tiger reflecting the symbol of the Kenpo arts. The other had been a set of weapons, a beautiful pair of Bamboo escrima sticks, a mahogany bow-staff, a set of nun chucks and finally a Kitana blade. The blade was his most prized possession, aside from the silver ring adorning his right hand middle finger, a gift from his mother.

The Kitana was made of folded Damascus steel, with a hilt made of carved ivory and a hard wood that he had never been able to identify. The blade was a full tine blade that ran to end of the carved dragon that made of the handle. _He smiled at the thought of the gifts and what they had meant to him…some of the best years of my life were spent in that Dojo._

Sam had continued to run, he after he started the brutal regime of college…he still ran every morning at 5 am sharp and hit the gym once a day for routine katas and stress relief at the punching bags, and if he had time he would hit the weights after a class, that usually wasn't possible until late at night.

He thought of his roommate from the last term, the guy _Jared_ had been so frustrated and irritated with Sam's unusual _schedule_ that he had actually asked to move rooms before the start of the spring term.

_I did try to keep quiet when left to run._

He thought with a slight hint of irritation…

Sam was pulled from his musings by the sounds of angry murmuring that seemed to be coming from the row of books to his left. He shook his head and tried to return to his studies, but as the voices escalated he was pulled back to their angry tones.

He noticed that one obviously belonged to a male and the other to a female, she seemed to be upset about something. He continued to listen, even though now he felt like a heel for eaves dropping on was probably a private conversation.

Once Sam heard _fear_ register in her voice he stood up slowly and cracked his back, moving silently toward the aisle to make sure everything was okay. What he saw caused him to take a sharp inhale of air and try and push down the anger building in his gut.

The girl, a petite brunette with large brown eyes was pushed up against the stacks of books by a guy who had at least 70 pounds on her. She was already sporting a split lip and the beginnings of black eye on the left side of her face…the bastard had obviously hit her.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked in quiet voice dripping with menace as he moved to the defense of the girl.

"Bugger off man, this doesn't concern you." The stocky guy hissed, his southern accent ringing through and turning angry dark eyes in Sam's direction. His eyes widened slightly as he took in Sam's seemingly calm face.

"Uh…it does when you _hit_ a woman." He replied slowly.

The guy pushed her again and moved to take care of this geeky looking, overly large, guy that seemed to think that he was the savior of women everywhere.

Sam pushed off the shelf he had been casually leaning on and rose to his full height, all 6'4, 220 pounds of it. The jock took a slight step back when he realized that this geek was indeed bigger than him. He glanced in the girls direction again, "Whatever, I didn't want her anyways." He skulked past Sam and headed for the exit.

Sam stepped forward and placed a hesitant hand on the girls shoulder, "Hey…hey are you okay?"

She pulled in a shaky breath and smiled slightly, "Yeah…I think so. Thanks"

Sam smiled, "Your welcome." He waited for an introduction from her, but it seemed that she had withdrawn into herself. So he decided to take the initiative, "My names Sam…Sam Wesson."

She seemed to take a cue from that, "Uh…I'm Anna Winchester. I was waiting for my brother when that…guy started harassing me."

"Is your brother here yet?" he asked gently, he didn't want to leave her standing here alone, not after what he had seen happening.

She took another ragged breath and looked around, "No, I haven't seen him yet. But he should be here any minute."

"Okay, why don't you come sit at my table till he gets here…you got some homework or something that you can work on?" he didn't want to push it here, but he just wasn't comfortable leaving her standing there alone.

"Ummm, yeah actually. I was working on a paper for my Abnormal Psychology class." She brought her hand up to her face and wiped away the blood that was still trickling from her lip.

Sam reached into his pocket and withdrew a handkerchief and gently handed it to her.

"Thanks Sam…for everything." Anna tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace as her split lip twinged.

"Sure, not a problem." He turned and walked back to his computer which was thankfully still there, people weren't that honest in California and there was always a possibility of getting things stolen at the library. He had forgotten all about it when he had seen what was happening.

They sat at the table and Anna pulled out a massive text with a picture of some guys brain on the cover.

Sam smiled, he remembered taking that class two years ago, it had been interesting to learn how people think and what drives specific behaviors.

She slid into the chair across from his and opened the textbook along with a notebook and started writing.

Sam returned to his own studies and was soon lost in the ideals of Environmental Law, he never even noticed the guy the stepped up to their table and furrowed his eyebrows over intense green eyes as they fell on the girl…and her black eye and split lip.

"Anna? What the hell happened?" he growled.

She started a little and then glanced up seeing the man with dirty blond hair looking pissed and worried at the same time.

"Dean." She squeaked.

"Yeah…I repeat. What the HELL happened" his voice was getting lower, and more menacing, and his stance was exuding power and barely contained energy.

Sam looked up, startled out his studies to see a man standing over their table with a look on his face that beckoned at violence. He glanced in Sam's direction and a wall slammed into place that left absolutely no expression on his face…it was a little unnerving to Sam. _People shouldn't be able to their emotions that fast!_

"Uh…calm down man. We were just studying. Some jerk was giving her a hard time, so I thought she should wait here with me until her brother showed up." Sam's own voice was calm and low as he looked at this guy that was obviously Anna's brother. He was at least 6'1 and probably 200 pounds in his own right, he looked like friggin underwear model _for crying out loud._ _Dean_ carried himself with a cocky self-assurance that simply poured off him. _Huh, that was an odd thought…_

Dean's green eyes flickered from Sam to Anna searching for the truth in his statement, she nodded slowly, quietly agreeing with Sam's description of the incident.

Dean's stance didn't change but his eyes softened a fraction as they flicked from Anna back to Sam. "Well then I guess I owe you my gratitude." He held out his hand to Sam. "Thanks for helping out my sister…. Names Dean…Dean Winchester. And you are?" His voice was deep with almost a melodic timbre to it...and something else that send an odd tingle down Sam's spine. _Wtf?! _

Dean dropped his hand when he realized that Sam wasn't going to take it immediately. His green eyes hardened again and he took a step back to create space between them.

Sam was suddenly wondering why he would notice something like that, _weird_…

"Come on Anna, I'll walk you back to your dorm." He placed a gently hand on her shoulder and helped he put the massive book back into her pack as she stood. She turned to Sam and held out her own hand.

"Thank you Sam." She said as she pulled the pack over her left shoulder and turned to leave.

"No problem Anna, I hope to see you around campus." He said as he rose and held out his hand to Dean. "Nice to meet you, I'm Sam Wesson."

Dean glanced from the out stretched hand and into the soft blue-green eyes of the guy who had helped his only remaining family. He re-extended his own hand into the large palm of the other guy who shook it heartily.

Dean didn't miss the spark that seemed to flow from Sam's hand into his own and he pulled his hand back quickly almost as if Sam had burned him.

"Uh…thanks Sam. Look man, I need to get her back before curfew." He cut the conversation off abruptly and moved to walk away with Anna at his side. He heard a soft _your welcome_ behind him as they walked away from the table.

XXXX

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dean asked for like the seventh time, _God, I'm even irritating myself with this shit! _As they approached the freshman dorms, she was rifling through her backpack for her student ID and room key as she stopped and glanced at her brother.

She huffed out a breath at his over-protective nature. "Yeah…I really am, Dean. I am okay. Sam stopped it before it could go too far." She saw him bristle at the thought of her being placed in danger and she smiled to herself as she placed her hand on his arm.

"Dean…really I'm okay." She punctuated each word with a squeeze on his arm.

He turned and searched her eyes again and he seemed to accept what he saw and nodded slowly. The worry that she had seen reflected from his green gaze was immediately replaced with a sarcastic tone.

"No more late night trips to library…especially alone. Understood?" The statement was quiet but commanding and she simply nodded. He pulled her into a hug and then pushed her toward the doors.

"Get inside before you get into trouble with hall mom."

She chuckled at the image that created in her head and turned back to see him turning to leave, "Wait. Dean did you get moved in already?" Her question caused him to smile slightly as he turned back to her.

"Damn kid, I only had a duffle bag, I wouldn't exactly call it 'moving in'." His tone was a sarcastic and she knew that he was going to okay. She had wondered if he would blame himself for what had happened. _Of course he's gonna blame himself. _ That was what her selfless, over-protective older brother did. He hauled all the guilt of their upbringing around with him, punishing himself regularly for things that he had no control over and blamed himself when things didn't seem to go right...particularly for her.

"Well call me if you need any help with your one _duffle bag_." She called over her shoulder as she moved up the stairs to the double doors and entered the foyer.

Dean shook his head as he walked away from the freshman girls dorms toward his own, which unfortunately happened to be all the way across campus. _Of course they were! _

He plunged his hands into the pockets of his brown leather jacket started the long walk toward the dark tree line, where the path to his own dorm was clearly marked.

He had immediately gone to get checked into his own dormitory as soon as he had arrived on campus, _It could have been so much worse._ His overly unhelpful mind supplied as he thought about what had almost happened to Anna.

"Shit. Shit Shit!" He murmured to himself as he thought of that jerk touching his baby sister. His unconsciously removed his hands from his pockets and clenched and unclenched his fists.

He was itching for a fight.

Dean drew in a long breath and tried to calm his turbulent mind as he approached the entrance to the upper classman's dorms.

He had transferred his credits immediately after being released from military service after honorably serving six _long _years. But his service had allowed him to take care of Anna, since she was legally his dependent _by court order_, and the military had been the only option open to an 18 year old with no college and no job experience.

True he had received a scholarship to West Point, but he had had to decline it in favor of the money of enlisted service, _all of which he had sent home to Anna_. The age difference between them was substantial, he was six years older than his little sister and had been forced to raise her from the time she was 12, after their father had died from an over dose in some cheap crappy hotel room in Baltimore.

Dean preferred not to think of their father, the man had been a bastard and a druggy, he had taken his fits of rage out on Dean on so many occasions that Dean had wondered how many concussions you could have before it left permanent brain damage, or how many times you could have your arms broken before child services got involved.

As much as it had hurt him, he gladly took the beatings to ensure that their father never touched Anna. To his knowledge it had worked, she had never been hit. _Until today._ His not so helpful mid supplied. "Damn-it." He said to himself and scrubbed a hand over his face to try and calm down.

He pulled his own student ID out of his wallet and walked to the entrance, placing his keycard against the pad to access the magnetic lock. The light on the keypad turned from red to green and the lock clicked open as he pulled on the door. Dean took the stairs two at a time as he bounded up to the fourth floor where his room was located, he wondered if his roommate would be there yet.

He hadn't seen any hint of the guy when he dropped off his bag earlier. What he had noticed was the guy seemed to be a law student from all the large text books lying around.

Dean himself was pre-med, he had been a combat medic in the Army, and had been attached to one of the Ranger units in the Special Forces. So it had seemed like a perfect fit.

He sighed as memories of the guys that he had left behind floated through his mind, but he had had to get out and go home, Anna had needed him. There had never been any other choice.

Dean placed the card in the keycard reader when he got to his dorm room and gently pushed the door open…revealing a very empty room. _Okay, so this guy keeps really bad hours, fricken awesome._ He groaned at the thought of the early mornings that he was going to keep, he knew from past experience, that they may not get along because of that. Generally an early riser and a night owl didn't mesh too well.

He pulled out a clean set of green cotton sheets and proceeded to make his own bed, ensuring that the corners were 'military tight' and seated himself on the edge and started unlacing his leather work boots.

He placed the laces inside of the top and put them at the end of the bed, ensuring that they were lined up and even with one another. _Man, some things just aren't gonna change, even after being discharged._

He pulled out a pair of long Adidas athletic pants, grabbed a towel and a clean pair of boxer-briefs, and finally a black T-shirt with a Rolling Stones logo on it and headed to the common shower room.

He shook his head as a though occurred to him, _I thought that I was done sharing a bathroom when I got out of the Army…guess not._

He grabbed his cell phone on the way out the door, along with the room key. He was lost in his own thoughts so he didn't see the tall kid with shaggy brown hair that was coming from the other direction glance up and stop as he saw Dean leaving 'their' room.

Sam saw the guy head down that hallway away from his room, "Huh, must the new roommate." He said to himself as he fumbled with the lock on the door and his heavy back pack.

Once inside he dropped the over loaded bag on the floor and rolled his shoulders again from the strain of carrying what felt like a hundred pounds in books. He looked over at the other bed and saw that it was indeed made.

Taking in the perfect corners on the bed he thought, _this guy must be some sort of neat freak; his bed looks like it would pass a military inspection._

He glanced over at his own bed noticing for the first time that it was pretty fricken messy. He had half hazardly thrown the covers up over his pillow and discarded his pajama bottoms on the floor in his haste to get a run in before classes started.

Sam looked over at the clock and groaned inwardly as he noticed that it was after 11:30 at night, he really needed to get to bed if he wanted to make it to the gym tomorrow morning before his 8:00 am class on Tort Law.

Suddenly he felt bone tired as he peeled himself out of his jeans and pulled on the soft cotton of his pajamas. He slid under the covers and pulled them up over his head, hoping that when his roommate got back from the showers, he wouldn't turn on the big overhead light in the room. He felt consciousness slipping from his grasp as his breathing evened out and he dropped into the blackness of sleep.

Dean walked back to the room humming Metallica's 'Back in Black', he had his towel thrown over his shoulder and was currently cleaning his ears with a Q-tip when he noticed that he had forgotten to grab the damn keycard.

What he had actually grabbed was the key to an old motel room that he had forgotten to give back when he checked out.

"Shit! Damn-it all to hell!" he swore and dropped his head onto his chest, running a frustrated hand through his short blonde hair. Dean glanced at the ceiling, dropping his hand back to his side and shook his head from side to side when he realized that this was how he was gonna meet his new roommate.

He was going to have to knock on his own door and hope that the guy wasn't asleep, or worse…not back yet.

Dean inhaled sharply and rapped his knuckles on the door. He listened for any sounds that would tell him whether his roommate had finally made an appearance. He sighed with relief when he finally heard a groan from inside and the sound of heavy feet hitting the floor and thudding around in the room. He decided to knock again, a little quieter this time and waited…albeit, not patiently.

The door was thrown open and incredibly irritated looking Sam Wesson was rubbing the sleep out of his blue-green eyes while peering through his too long fringe of bangs.

"Sam?" Dean asked, confused as to what Sam was doing in his dorm room.

Sam's eyes widened slightly with recognition as he looked at the man standing in his doorway, _weird…_ it was Anna's older brother Dean.

"Dean? What the hell are you doing here?" His mind was still fairly sleep-confused and more than a bit foggy, so he was unable to piece together why the library girl's brother was knocking on his door at…his eyes flickered to the alarm clock…_Geeze seriously, it was fricken 12:48 in the morning for hell's sake._

Dean pulled dark blond eyebrows together and schooled his expression to hide his momentary look of surprise.

"Well it looks like we're roommates Sammy." He stated as he quickly slid past Sam and headed to his side of the room.

Sam's mind still couldn't comprehend that at the moment, "Mmmm hmmm….and it's Sam." He grumbled, immediately dragging himself back to his own warm bed and threw the covers up over his head again as Dean pulled the string on the light near his bed.

"Sorry man. I grabbed the wrong key when I left." Dean said with some remorse for having to wake up his _obviously _deep sleeping roommate.

"Mmmm…s'okay man." Dean barely heard the reply from beneath the covers as Sam rolled over toward the wall effectively ending their conversation.

Dean raised his eyebrows and shook his head with a smile as he pulled back the covers of his own bed and crawled in, he flicked the light off and tried to relax.

He had never slept particularly well in new places and he was sure that this guy was not gonna want to be his roommate once he knew the types of hours that Dean always kept. He quietly reached over and set his alarm for 0500, and tried not to think of the man in the other bed.

There was something about him that made Dean distinctly uncomfortable; he wasn't sure what it was yet.

_You're a fricken idiot!_ His mind supplied in immediate answer.

_You know exactly what it is…Shut-up!_ He thought to his not at all helpful mind voice.

He concentrated on using the relaxation techniques that he had learned during SERE training and eventually his mind calmed, his body relaxed, and he started to fall asleep assisted by the sounds of steady breathing coming from across the room.

_Thank god he doesn't snore._ Was the last thought that ran through his mind as he slipped into oblivion...

Sam heard an alarm go off and the lightning quick reaction of his roommate, he guessed, to silence the offending object. He groaned inwardly, it felt as though he had just fallen into bed, when he poked his head out of the covers and glanced across the room to see his _roommates_ outline in the dark as he got out of bed and immediately dropped into a push-up position and began pumping out the most basic of cardio activities.

Sam couldn't help himself, he counted as Dean continued to push…87…94…120…holy shit! Dean's pace never slowed until he reached 140. He slowly laid himself down on his back and began doing sit-ups.…again Sam couldn't help but count them. Dean got to 200 before he finally raised himself from the floor his chest heaving from the physical exertion and then began quietly pulling on a pair of, what Sam assumed were running shoes.

Sam finally decided that he needed to get up, or he wasn't going to get in a run or even get to the gym before class.

He quietly reached over and flipped the switch on the lamp next to his own bad and was gratified when Dean jumped slightly at the light.

"Sorry man. Didn't mean to wake you up. I'll be gone in just a second." Dean had finished tying his shoes and was reaching for an iPod with a set of earphones attached as he glanced at Sam.

"It's fine dude, I was going to go running this morning anyways. You just woke me up a little earlier than I had planned." His voice was quiet as he stared at the man across the small room.

Dean was wearing a black T-shirt with grey sweatshirt thrown over his left arm and the iPod in this right hand; his eyebrows disappeared into his hairline as surprise momentarily registered on his face. He quickly covered the reaction with a smooth look of indifference and Sam wondered if he had seen it there at all.

"Um, yeah…I run every morning that I can." Sam was sitting up in bed as he pushed the covers down and untangled his long legs from the warmth and placed them on the cold floor. He squeaked unconsciously as the cold registered through his bare feet and he pulled his legs quickly back onto the bed.

"Damn, it got cold last night." He stated simply.

Dean chuckled at that and walked over to his drawer and threw Sam a pair of socks, "Here Sammy these might help."

Sam's eyebrows knitted together at the name, but he decided to let it go, this once. _Because he saved your feet from freezing!_

That was the only reason.

Sam gratefully pulled the warm socks over his cold toes and then walked to his dresser removing a pair of running pants and picking up his own shoes on the way back to his bed. He quickly changed into the athletic pants, missing how his roommate looked away instantly as he traded one pair of pants for another, and began pulling his shoes into place.

"How far you gonna run?" Dean asked, he wasn't overly fond of uncomfortable silence.

"Mmmm…five miles probably." Sam supplied as he stood up and stretched his still sleepy muscles.

"Me too…" Dean looked away again as Sam's shirt rose up above the top of his pants and showed perfectly toned lower abs…_great, this is just freakin great._

Sam's eyes were currently closed so he managed to miss the reaction, but he did turn to look at Dean as he lowered his arms and decided that they could always go running together.

_It would be a good way to get to know each other_, although there may not be much talking involved.

Sam knew that he kept a pretty brutal pace when he ran, but Dean's extremely apparent athletic build and solid muscular frame spoke of years of some sort of training, so Sam figured he might be able to keep up.

"Hey, you wanna run together?" he asked simply as he walked to the closet to remove his own burgundy Stanford sweatshirt, pulling it over his head as he waited for an answer. He shook his hair out of his eyes and ran long fingers through it to settle it back into place and immediately determined that he needed to hit the barber shop.

_My hair was out of control!_

"Uh…I don't know Sam, I usually run about a 6 minute pace…" Dean's answer almost sounded like a challenge…and it was one that Sam would gladly accept.

"I'm sure I'll be okay." He said as he grabbed his cell phone and a pair of ear buds.

"Okay, it's your funeral dude." Dean chuckled as he walked to the door and opened it, waiting for Sam to walk past him.

"Hey, wait. Did you grab a key? I don't want to have to repeat last night."

Sam spun around and smiled as he help up his room key and waved it in Dean's face, while walking backwards toward the stairs. "Of course dude…who leaves without a freakin key?" His voice was full of sarcasm and humor as he smiled showing impossibly deep dimples in each cheek.

Dean felt something stir that he hadn't felt for years. _This so not good._

"Bitch." He stated flatly.

"Jerk." Sam called over his should as he rounded the corner.

Dean smiled to himself and pulled the door closed, then found himself having to jog to catch up to Sam's incredibly long strides.

Dean caught him at the stairs and slowed to walk as they descended them, falling into stride beside one another as they walked into the slowly brightening lobby.

"So how long have you been a runner?" Sam asked, pulling his longs arms behind his back in a stretch.

Dean looked at him from the corner of his eyes, and then stated simply, "Oh…I've been running for as long as I can remember."

Sam thought he heard something more in Dean's voice…what was it…sadness, remorse, maybe guilt? He turned to look at the man next to him and caught a ghost of a grimace that was instantly replaced with…nothing…like a wall had slammed into place. No expression at all, just a blank plastic smile that didn't reach his incredibly green eyes.

_What the hell? Where was this coming from? _He had no idea what color his last roommates eyes were…

Dean held the door for Sam and stopped just outside to put his ear phones in, so Sam followed suit and realized that the conversation portion of this run had ended.

Dean flipped though his library landing on AC/DC and hit play. The music blasted into his head instantly calming his rampaging thoughts and creating a more useful rhythm to which he unconsciously started bobbing his head as he stretched.

He noticed that Sam was doing the same…well he wasn't bobbing his head to his own music, but he was stretching out. Dean thought it odd that someone that _large_ could be so…flexible.

_Jesus…this is gonna be a rough semester. _He thought as he tapped Sam on the shoulder and motioned to the running path, silently asking if he was ready to go.

Sam nodded and took off at a slightly slower pace than Dean generally started at, but still a pretty good clip.

Dean's head bobbed in time to his music and he noticed that Sam was picking up the pace the longer they ran. By the time they rounded the last corner Dean figured that they were nea minute pace and he was struggling to keep up with Sam's longer legs and therefor bigger stride.

One thing that Dean had learned in the military was that you didn't ever quit, and no matter what you never complained. So he just readjusted his stride _again _and kept pace with Sam as they saw the dorm come back into view. Dean silently thanked whoever might be listening as he felt their pace slow and eventually dropped to a walk as they approached the stairs.

He pulled his ear phones out and pressed stop on his iPod; leaning over and placing his hands near his knees while trying to simultaneously catch his breath.

"Damn man, you _are_ a runner!" Dean stammered as his heart slammed against his ribcage.

Sam simply smiled showing those impressive dimples again and patted him on the back, "You okay dude?"

Dean looked up at him through impossibly long dark lashes, a smirk instantly plastering itself onto his face as he stood up and pressed his hands into his back to relieve the slow ache forming there, "Yeah…I'm good."

They walked to the stairs and Dean shot a sly smile in Sam's direction as he pushed the taller man into the wall and bounded up the stairs two at a time. He heard the sharp hiss as Sam hit the railing, only just realizing that this had turned into a race to their room.

Sam over took Dean in the hallway as he thundered past the other rooms on their floor, "You're a friggin jerk." He stated as he stopped in front of their room, although the statement held no heat and was bellied by the smile extending across his face.

"Yup." Dean stated as Sam opened the door and they both headed to their respective corners and started grabbing toiletries for the obviously needed showers.

"So, this obviously isn't your first time running. How long you been into this stuff?" Dean asked non-chalantly as he threw his shower supplies together and grabbed a towel from the end of the bed.

"Uh…yeah. My mom…she used to run every morning; generally made me go with her." Dean noticed that the statement was said in the past tense and filled with sadness.

"Oh. She doesn't run anymore?"

Sam tensed at the question, "No man. She doesn't run anymore." He sighed since he figured the question would come up eventually. "She died when I was 16, Mr. Sok raised me for the last two years, and then I left for college."

"Mr. Sok?" The question hung in the air. "Your mom's boyfriend or something?" Dean didn't mean to pry, but there was something about Sam that made him want to know more, even though he knew that he would not share his own information with the other man.

Sam snorted at that and a small smile played at the edges of his mouth, "No…no man, he was my Sensei."

Dean's face moved from questioning to surprise at this answer, "Your what?"

Sam turned and looked Dean full in the face, "My Sensei, I took martial arts classes from him starting when I was about 6. So he took me in when my mom died." Sam noticed that Deans lips twitched into a smile, and he also noticed that Dean had lips that would make any woman jealous.

_Okay, this is getting obnoxious, where the hell are these thoughts coming from?_

Sam knew he wasn't gay, he had never even looked at another guy and he had had several serious relationships, the most recent of which ended last term, so this reaction to his _fricken roommate_ was weirding him out.

If Dean noticed his unease, he didn't show it on his face and Sam knew he was going to have to deal with his growing _interest_…and soon.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2: Where did all this come from

Rated: MA for future chapters

See first Chapter for all legalities concerning the ownership and creation of Supernatural and all characters and stories.

Chapter 2

(**_Where did all this come from_**)

The early morning runs became a habitual thing, along with the occasional visit to the gym…and the wrestling mats there. Sam soon learned that Dean had served in the military, and that he had learned his own set of 'sparring' moves. Which he actually appreciated, it gave him a chance to use his more advanced techniques.

Sam also got to know Anna pretty well too. She would show up at off times and hang out with them on Saturdays when Dean insisted that they hit a local diner for 'it's awesome breakfast' as he put it.

Luckily, as it turned out, Dean owned a car, a classic black 1967 Chevy Impala, that he _loved_ almost to the point that Sam thought it was unnatural.

The car was a good thing too, since Sam sure as hell couldn't afford one of his own, It also made hitting the cheaper organic grocery stores off campus a lot easier.

While Sam seemed to be constantly worried about money, Dean never was, he paid for Sam's breakfast most of the time, he wouldn't hear otherwise. Sam had tried to argue with him the first time, but he has lost that argument…and the next three, so now he just didn't even question it.

Sam had also been a little taken back when he saw how Dean ate; the guy ate like fricken horse! Dean, it seemed, was a breakfast guru, the greasier the better, or so it appeared to Sam. He also _loved_ coffee, bacon, greasy eggs, and of course the large stack of syrup and butter soaked pancakes, anytime he could get them.

Sam began to wonder how Dean kept his obviously sculpted physique when he ate like a damn trucker…_and I should know how they eat._

Dean was constantly giving him a hard time about his choice of egg whites and oatmeal, with coffee and non-fat creamer with some sweat and low to boot. Sam tried no to rise to the bait, but every now and then he would wrinkle his nose and explain the finer points of a _healthy breakfast_ to his friend.

While Dean seemed confident in eating all things greasy and gross, his little sister Anna stuck to the same types of foods as Sam.

He would catch her staring at him through down turned eyes and throwing quick glances his way that she thought Sam wasn't catching.

_Odd, a month ago she would have totally been my type…but now…I'm not so sure what my _type _actually is._

Sam found his eyes being drawn back to Dean more and more often as he over the last month. They spent almost all their free time in one another's company, and Sam had found that he really liked Dean…in fact he would say that Dean was probably his best friend at this point.

_Oh god, that sounded totally chick flick._

Even inside his own mind, and he knew that Dean had a very strict no 'chick flick moments' rule.

Sam had learned that _fun fact_ the first week when he had mistakenly asked about Dean's past…a forbidden subject, as it turned out.

The only thing that the older man would tell him was that he had served six years in the military and that their father had died when he was 18 so he had raised his little sister from that point on, the Army had been a way to do that and ensure that they would both get an education later.

_That_ had been the only conversation that Dean would have about what his past entailed. Eventually Sam didn't ask, since Dean's green eyes would intensify and harden with mile high walls slamming into place and then he would just coolly change the subject.

Sam had told Dean all about Mr. Sok and the training that he had gotten over the years; he talked about his mother and their transient lifestyle when he had been younger.

Dean had listened with intense interest and had commented on the Kenpo training that Sam had learned over the years. He had even suggested that they go to the gym sometime and spar. That was how Sam learned about Dean's own level of training; he was more than a match for Sam.

Sam had initially been worried that he might hurt Dean, although Dean seemed able to fend for himself, but still he had worried, for no reason.

Dean was talking with the older woman that generally waited on them each and every Saturday morning; he had learned her name the first day and flirted his way into the elderly woman's heart.

Dean tipped well and Maggie, she in turn took excellent care of them each and every weekend; the one exception was last weekend when she had been off due to her youngest son's wedding.

Dean had sent flowers to her and a congratulations card to her son. Sam had found that odd, since Dean didn't seem to have a problem being 'chick flick' with the older woman. But the evidence that Dean had such a soft side had made his insides warm and his heart swell slightly. Sam was slowly accepting the odd connection he seemed have with Dean and how he seemed to be aware of the other man's where abouts all the time, particularly whenever they were in the same room.

Sam had even asked Anna about the flowers when Dean had gone to 'hit the head' after his third cup of coffee.

_I think his heart might explode one of these days._ He thought with amusement.

Anna had just smiled and then slid in next to Sam placing her hand _too high _on his thigh, which caused Sam to jump slightly and bangs his knee into the underside of their table.

"Well…our mother was a waitress, she died when Dean was 6, so he sees a little of her in all waitresses." Anna smiled and slid her hand a little further up Sam's leg till it was resting near his hip in the crease of his jeans next to his groin.

Sam tensed…more if it was possible and tried to move away from Anna's touch, but he was up against a wall on the inside of the booth.

_Shit! Shit! Shit! Please don't move that hand any higher._

He thought as he looked frantically for Dean's return and hopefully the prompt removal of Anna's hand from his leg. He was however a little surprised that he didn't even feel a _twinge_ from his nether regions at her close proximity.

It wasn't that he didn't like her, he did. Just not like that. Anna was Dean's little sister and that was all, but how did you tell someone that you were interested in their brother…not them. Sam had accepted the growing attraction that he had for Dean over the past several weeks, he still wasn't sure what it meant but he knew there was a connection between them, and he wanted to know what that connection was…and what it meant.

Sam felt a small quiver in his stomach as he saw Dean returning from the bathroom, he also caught flash of concern that formed between Dean's eyebrows as he noticed that Anna had switched sides while he was gone and that only _one_ of her hands was on the table.

Dean's eyes caught Sam's as he returned from the bathroom and he immediately noticed the confusion and discomfort in Sam's blue-green orbs.

Sam, it seemed, was a bit of an open book where Dean was concerned.

"Hey Sammy…Anna, you guys ready to hit the road?" Dean tried to keep his voice even as he felt his heart stutter a little at the thought of Sam with Anna. It had never occurred to him that both he and his sister could ever be interested in the same person before. As far as he knew he was the only _gay_ one at this table.

Dean knew he was gay, had been for years…but he was pretty sure that Sam wasn't. First off he had several pictures of himself with some very cute college co-eds from previous relationships…none of which were male.

But the thought of Sam being with Anna, although he knew that Anna wouldn't find someone better, hit him more deeply…and more profoundly than it should considering he had only known Sam for like 5 weeks. Although to be fair, it seemed like so much longer, there was just something in Sam's eyes. However, trust was something that Dean just couldn't do, he couldn't let Sam inside the walls, it would hurt too much when he eventually left…they always left him in the end.

But damn-it, he was completely interested in everything about the guy and it was starting to keep him awake at night.

Dean had even started taking cold showers after their morning runs about two weeks after they had started. He knew then that he was in deep trouble where Sam was concerned and the more he learned about the guy the more he liked him.

Sam was smart…like really fricken smart, and compassionate along with funny as hell when he got going…and with couple of beers in him.

Dean tried to quiet the inner voice that was reviewing all of Sam's _good points_ as he unlocked the doors for Sam and Anna.

He slid into the driver's seat and started the car, as soon as they had put on their seatbelts, after all Dean was nothing if protective when it came to the things he loved…_just Anna?_ His mind shot back not so helpfully.

Obviously he loved Anna, but he knew that there was something about Sam that could be his undoing if he wasn't very, very careful. Anna was the only one that he had let close in years, ever since Matt…Dean immediately swerved away from that line of thought...too painful. So he instead reached down and cranked up the volume on the radio, pleased to hear Metallica rolling through the Impala as he swung out onto the two-lane road.

He dropped Anna off at her dorm and chanced a look in Sam's direction…Sam it seemed was doing his best impression of a statue. He was staring out the window caught up in his own thoughts, his face reflecting a look that hinted at disgust and maybe even that he was a little bit uncomfortable.

Dean groaned inwardly, he was starting to wonder if Sam had figured out his _little _secret? His sexual orientation was not something that they had talked about to date. It was something that Dean worked to protect those around him from. He wasn't embarrassed or anything, he just knew that it seemed to make people incredibly uncomfortable around him…and he couldn't stand the idea of seeing the disgust and rejection on Sam's face if he found out. Anna knew of course, but she couldn't have cared less, and had in fact told him so on several occasions, she said that 'he could want to be with an orangutan and she would love him anyways'.

Dean smiled at the memory, he had immediately started making monkey noises at her and she had squealed with childish delight when he started tickling her…showing her no mercy.

Dean was so intent on driving and being lost in his own memories while tapping the steering wheel in time to…_what was it…oh…_Black Sabbath that he missed the fact that Sam was now staring at him…openly and with intense interest.

Sam felt a shiver run through his body as he thought of Anna's hand running up his leg toward his groin. Normally he would have jumped at the chance to ask someone like her out, she was cute and smart _and the sister of the guy he was currently falling for._

Sam shook his head and a small frown formed on his face as that particular thought planted itself firmly in his brain, his hands were twitching where they were currently resting in his lap.

_I am falling for a man…my roommate for crying out loud!_ Sam had just turned his eyes from Dean's incredible body and gone back to staring at the passing buildings of the old campus...when a thought occurred to him. _I don't even think that the guy is gay?! _

He thought incredulously closing his eyes and leaning his head against the window with a pained expression on his face. With his eyes closed he felt himself relaxing to the smooth rumble of the Impala's engine and the steady rhythm of the music.

Dean glanced over just then and the sight nearly stole his breath away, Sam was leaning against the window of his beloved car, totally and completely relaxed and obviously asleep. His breathing was even and his head lolled back exposing his incredibly long neck.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and pulled them from his roommate's exposed throat, and the thoughts of the many, many things he wanted to do to said throat.

_Shit, Shit, Shit…SHIT!_

He thought as he pulled into the parking lot of the dormitory.

_I think I'm gonna have to leave. _

That thought sent ice spilling through his veins, down his spine, and caused his stomach to contract painfully.

_I have to protect the ones I love, including it seems…Sammy, god…particularly from myself._

The nickname was one that Dean occasionally used, mostly because it seemed to irritate Sam, but deep inside his own mind it was a term of endearment, the only one he allowed himself where Sam was concerned.

_After all, I am not a girl…and thankfully neither is he._

He reached over and gently patted Sam on the shoulder, "Hey dude…we're here." His voice was gentle since he really didn't want to startle Sam and see first-hand what sparring with a _surprised_ Sam would be like.

"Mmmm…" Was the only answer that came from the other man.

Dean tapped him a little harder this time and got a reaction that was at least appropriate to their situation, Sam sat up and placed the heels of his hands in his eyes and rubbed the sleep from them.

"Yeah, man sorry didn't realize that I was that tired, stayed up studying too late last night." He opened the door and slid out of the Impala, stretching his arms high above his head and closing his eyes as the sun bathed his face in warmth.

Dean's breath caught in his throat at the sight of Sam basking in warm yellow light and his tanned and toned abs peeking out from beneath the plaid shirt and jacket, just above the waist band of his jeans.

Dean felt the stirring of _something_ that he knew he could not afford to acknowledge, not if he did he would lose Sam forever…and that thought was just too painful to contemplate.

_It would be better to just leave, before I have to see _that _look on Sam's face._

Dean closed his eyes and reluctantly pulled them from the sight of his roommates perfectly toned abdomen and lean hips.

He turned and bumped the driver's door with his hip to push it shut as he started walking toward the dorm, careful to keep his eyes straight ahead as Sam jogged to catch up with him.

"Hey, wanna hit the gym this afternoon?" Dean turned to gape at Sam. "Dude, you were just fricken passed out in my car not 35 seconds ago…and now you want to hit the gym?"

Sam scrunched his face up into what Dean affectionately called his 'bitch face' and stared at him.

"Thought you might wanna spar?" Sam asked with a hint of a smile, wriggling eyebrows at the same time, obviously issuing a challenge. Sam didn't really want to go to their room, since there was a good chance that Anna might show up and he just wasn't ready to deal with that yet.

"Okay…yeah…sure." Dean muttered softly as he walked to their room and pulled his key out.

Sam paused as he heard the hesitance in Dean's voice.

"Shit…man…don't get all excited or anything." He stated as he brushed past Dean and went to his closet to remove his sparring gear and some wind pants.

Sam felt a slight hesitation as he dropped his jeans revealing his boxers and stepped out of them and immediately into the loose athletic pants. He noticed that Dean had quickly turned away from the sight of him changing to focus on his own need to change clothes.

Sam shut his eyes and pushed a hand through his _still_ too long brown hair as he tried to ignore the fact that Dean had dropped his own jeans and was standing there rummaging through his own drawers for his jogging pants, _in just his navy blue boxer-briefs and white socks_; having already pulled his shirt from his tanned and well-toned chest.

Sam spun away from the sight and focused intently on checking his own gear.

Dean didn't notice Sam turning away from the sight of him without his clothes on as he rummaged around pulling out the loose pants and stepping into them one leg at a time. He closed the drawer and went to the closet, brushing past Sam in the process.

He felt an almost electrical spark as his shoulder brushed against Sam's still bare chest, he sucked in a breath of air, since there now seemed to be too little of the substance in the room.

"Dean?" Sam said quietly.

Dean knew that tone of voice, this was it…this was the discussion that he had avoided for the past 5 weeks. He had thought that he would be ready when it came around, or if he was lucky he would be able to avoid it indefinitely.

Dean grabbed a grey cotton t-shirt and dropped his head onto his chest as he spun around expecting to see disgust, rejection, or worse outright hatred reflected in the eyes of this man that had grown to mean _too_ much to him.

Sam had wormed his way past all of Dean's defenses and into that small hallow spot that only Anna and Matt had ever occupied previously. Although one of them had torn and clawed at the small spot in his heart and proceeded to have a torture session with it, and it hadn't been Anna…

"What is it Sam…" Dean asked in an emotionless voice letting the words hang in the air as he continued to stare at something incredibly interesting on the floor.

He was surprised when Sam stepped closer to him and placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder. The skin to skin contact caused Dean to jump away as though Sam had burned him.

"Dude…What the hell? You okay?" Sam asked as he pulled his hand back again dropping it back to his side.

Dean finally glanced up and his eyes were a brilliant _shiny_ emerald green, full of all the emotions that he was trying desperately to hide from Sam.

_So this is Dean without the walls…_the thought occurred to Sam as he was caught in those glassy orbs.

Sam's own eyes took on the look of a wounded puppy and he stepped slowly toward Dean, careful not to touch the other man when he saw Dean's body language reflecting that he was on verge of bolting from the room.

"Dean, what's going on with you lately? You've been acting weird all day…"

Dean groaned and scrubbed a hand across his face, he so did not want to talk about this.

He squared his shoulders, consciously slamming his protective wall back into place, his t-shirt instantly forgotten as he decided to come clean with Sam.

"Sam…did I ever tell you that I…I am gay?" Dean knew that he hadn't, but he wondered if his _oh so smart roommate_ had figured it out on his own.

Sam caught his breath as his suspicions were finally confirmed, "Uh…no actually you didn't."

Dean heard the slight pause in his speech and he just knew that he had signed a one way ticket out of this room and ultimately out of Sam Wesson's life.

"Yeah…I didn't think I had." He almost whispered. Dean turned toward his bed, remembering his t-shirt and thrusting it on the bed and then moving to the dresser removing his green duffle bag, throwing articles of clothing into it.

Sam's heart stuttered, _What the hell is he doing?_

Then it hit him, like a freight train…_Oh god, he's leaving!_

"Dean…what the hell man!" Sam stepped over to Dean's side of the room in two long steps and yanked the half full bag out of Dean's hands and threw it to the floor.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked again as his voice was becoming more erratic as the ramifications of Dean's current actions resonated through their small room and halls of own his heart.

"What does it look like Sammy…I'm leaving." He stated it so matter of factly that Sam felt his heart constrict painfully, it was obvious that this was a pattern with Dean.

Apparently the people in Dean's life had either thrown him out or simply given up on him causing him to leave on his own.

_Except for Anna of course…But sisters don't count!_

Sam heard the undercurrent of emotion that Dean attached to the nickname and his heart fell through his stomach to somewhere in the vicinity of his rather large feet.

Dean had squeezed his eyes shut and turned away from Sam rubbing his fingers over the bridge of his nose; the hated emotions playing across his face were no longer guarded.

He pushed his hand through his short spikey blond hair and leaned against the window frame in defeat.

Sam stepped up behind the older man and gently placed his fingers at the base of Dean's neck. He didn't miss the soft sigh that escaped Dean's lips and the subtle amount of pressure that he leaned back into that simple touch with, before pulling violently away and spinning around to face Sam.

Dean's green eyes were unfocused and reflecting so much distress that Sam wondered how he could handle it. His own heart was already breaking at the thought of what this man had gone through in his rather short life to make him so sure that _all_ people would hurt him…if he let them get close enough to.

"Dean…please…stop." Sam whispered as he brought his hand up to rest against the stubble on Dean's unshaven face. Dean's green eyes slid shut and he brought his fingers up to gently pull Sam's large hand away from his cheek.

"Sam." Dean said quietly. "No….I can't…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" The last part was spoken with a noticeable hitch in his voice.

Sam did not release Dean's fingers as their entwined hands fell from his face. He pulled Dean toward him and pressed his free hand behind Dean's neck effectively tilting his head up as Sam brought his mouth to rest against the full pouty lips of the older man.

Dean tasted of coffee and the wintergreen gum that he always chewed after they left the diner…and something that was distinctly _all Dean_.

Sam moved his lips against Dean's and heard a soft moan come from the base of Dean's throat as he gave in and kissed Sam back, gently at first and then with increasing insistently.

Suddenly Dean jerked himself frantically away from Sam's luscious mouth and opened his now panicked eyes with a thundering realization at what he had just done.

He scrambled back from Sam, nearly tripping over his forgotten bag in his haste to put some much needed distance between them.

"Sam…I said no." his eyes flickered between Sam and the door. "You…you don't want this, you don't want…" he let the 'me' hang in the air between them.

Sam closed his eyes and dropped his head to his chest; his face took on the hated wounded puppy look again.

"Dean…I…I know what…I…I want." Sam tried to sound sure of himself, but this whole thing was still pretty new to him.

Unfortunately for Sam, Dean heard the slight hesitation in Sam's confession and he inhaled sharply nodding slightly as he made a grab for his long since forgotten t-shirt and frantically pulled the soft grey cotton over his head and then grabbing his duffle and moving past Sam towards the door.

Dean turned and fixed Sam with a stare that reflected all the pain and sorrow that was now located in the general vicinity of his heart.

"Goodbye Sam." He stated simply and gently pulled the door open; looking at Sam one last time as he took in the visage of the man that he had unknowingly given his heart to.

He nodded again…to no one imparticular and quietly closed the door behind himself as his heart shattered into a million shards of glass.

Dean blinked several times to clear the emotion from his eyes as he walked quickly across the parking lot toward the Impala.

"DEAN!" he heard Sam yell his name as he slid behind the wheel and cranked the engine. The Impala roared to life and Dean glanced up just long enough to see Sam running toward where he was parked.

Dean moved the gear shift lever into drive and pulled out of the lot. He did however make the one mistake of glancing in the rear view mirror and what he saw broke what was left of his heart and left it with the kneeing man that now wept brokenly in that parking lot.

Sam had been running after him as he pulled onto the street, and then suddenly Sam slowed and dropped to his knees in the very spot where the Impala had previously been parked; his shoulders slumping forward with defeat and emotional exhaustion.

"I'm so sorry Sam…" Dean whispered softly and swiped angrily at the tears that had started to roll down his cheeks.

Dean pulled out his phone and quickly dialed Anna's number; it went straight to her voice mail after 1 ring. "Uh…Hey Anna, I have to go take care of some stuff; I might not be at school for a while. Don't worry it's nothing serious, just some Army stuff. I'll call you and let you know where I'll be okay? Take care of yourself, and if it's not too much to ask, please take care of Sam…he's gonna need you."

He clicked his phone shut and turned it off, in case Sam tried to call, he knew that if he heard Sam's voice that he would cave in and head back, and if he saw Sam's number on his caller id, there was a damn good chance that he would answer it.

Dean had no idea where he was going he just knew that he had to get away from here.

If he stayed…he would ruin Sam's life and that was just not an option. _He's better off without me…_

XXXX

Sam ran after the Impala and watched in horror as Dean threw it into gear and simply drove away, from his sister, from college, and finally from Sam. Sam felt his heart rip open as he fell to his knees where the classic black car had been parked, tears now streaming unhindered down his face.

How could he do it? How could Dean just run away from him? Sam had been too stunned by Dean's reaction to the kiss in their room to stop him as he'd pushed past Sam with his bag swung over his shoulder.

That paralysis had only lasted a few moments, but as it turned out, they had been critical moments and Sam had lost his chance to catch Dean before he made it to the car.

_Oh god…I've lost him?!_

The thought pounded around in his brain as he struggled to get his emotions under control once more. _How could I have not noticed how much he meant to me…oh god…why did I have to stutter?_

Sam had no idea how long he knelt in that space, but when he felt a hesitant hand touch his shoulder he suddenly realized that his legs were numb and his knees were obviously bruised from landing on them earlier, a rock was grinding into his left shin uncomfortably.

He looked over his left shoulder to see who exactly had touched him, his tear filled eyes landed on Anna and she took a small step back from the emotional onslaught that seemed to be pouring from Sam's soul.

"Sam, what happened?" she asked quietly as she tried to help him to his feet.

Sam just shook his head and tried to get the feeling back in his legs.

Anna watched him carefully for a reaction as she stated the next sentence.

"I know Dean left…he called me."

She sighed; everything had been fine this morning, what the hell had happened to cause this violent reaction from her usually stoic brother?

"I…I…we…we…" he stammered, but the words wouldn't come out properly. Some sick part of his brain latched onto the irony that his intelligent speech had been reduced to one word syllables.

Anna seemed to put two and two together, "Sam did something _happen_ with my brother?"

Sam's face must have given her all the answer she needed because she sighed loudly and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm sorry Sam…I didn't know….I didn't know you felt that way for him…"

He turned wet intensely bue-green eyes towards her and whispered brokenly, "Neither did I."

TBC...

This is my first posted fan fiction, please review and be kind but constructive with the criticism.


	3. Chapter 3: Dealing with the Aftermath

Rating: MA as the relationship deepens and the abusive nature of Dean's past is revealed throughout this chapter. If you don't like this kind of story please don't continue as it is for mature readers only.

As always I do not own Supernatural nor any of the rights, these all belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Also any similarities to other stories or writers fanfic's is entirely coincidental and not a form of plagiarism.

If you like the story please review as this will help me stay motivated to finish the end of the story. Thank you for reading.

**Chapter 3**

_Dealing with the Aftermath_

Sam finally managed to pull himself to his feet, with Anna's help, and started stumbling toward his dorm.

Once they had reached Sam's room, he noticed that he had left his door wide open in his attempt to get to Dean.

_Fricken fat lot of good that had done him, when he needed to move, he had been frozen in place! _

He thought bitterly as he pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

Anna followed him and gently pushed the door closed behind her.

"Sam, I think we need to talk." She smiled slightly and blew out a breath as Sam moved a fraction of an inch away from her, "About Dean." She finished softly.

"Oh…okay." Sam stated as he relaxed again and sat down on his bed, staring at the empty bed across the room.

"What has my brother told you about our past…about his past?" She asked as she sat on the edge of the bed opposite Sam, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them.

Sam shook his head minutely and rubbed his eyes, "Not much actually, a little about raising you, and some about his time in the Army…that's about it."

Anna shook her head and a small smile played across her lips, "That's my brother, an emotional retard."

Sam thought of something else that Dean had told him that was definitely important, "He…uh…also told me that he was…gay, but…but that just happened today."

Her head snapped up at that, "He actually _told_ you…about that?"

Anna's brown eyes bored into his looking for confirmation at his statement. She must have found what she sought because she smiled and laughed softly.

"Wow, he must really trust you. That isn't generally something that he tells people."

Sam's eyes met hers at that statement, "Really?" He questioned as he snorted at the _trust_ part of her statement.

"Really." She stated flatly in return.

Sam just nodded at that and then lowered his eyes back to the floor again. He heard the other bed squeak and then saw Anna kneel in front of his knees.

"Sam, my brother was the one to raise me because my father was a drug addict and he was also incredibly abusive." Sam's eyes jerked up to meet hers, "He used to beat Dean when his supply of drugs ran out. Guess he was letting off steam…I don't know."

She hauled in an unsteady breath and continued, "When Dean turned 14, my father realized that he could _use_ _Dean_ to get what he wanted from the dealers, and he didn't hesitate to do so."

Sam felt the implication of her words settle into his bones as he wondered if he had misinterpreted her meaning.

Her eyes took on a wet sheen as she shook her head when she saw the question forming in his soft eyes, "No, you didn't misunderstand what I just said." She whispered the heart breaking confirmation.

Sam's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to wrap his mind around the prospect of a parent using their own child that way. "Oh my god." He mumbled.

"I never knew about any of it until my father died of an overdose when I was 12. I accidentally ran into one of his dealers outside a school, of all places, and the guy spilled the whole fucking story. I think he was hoping to get me to follow in my brothers footsteps."

She sniffed as the immense pain of that particular revelation flashed through her mind. It had given her…clarity where Dean was concerned that had sunk into her child-like mind with a vengeance.

"Sam, I love my brother, he has given up _everything_ for me and I want him…no I need him to be happy."

Sam nodded at the revelation and all he managed was a weak half smile.

"Didn't he ever have any _real_ relationships?" He knew he shouldn't ask, but he needed to know.

She nodded, "Yeah, as a matter of fact he did. A guy named Michael when he was about 17, I think or maybe he'd just turned 18. Michael was new to the area where I was going to school, and he seemed to take an instant liking to Dean. They hung out all the time, and even shared the responsibility of watching me. But then one day out of the blue Michael just tells Dean that their done. No explanation just broke it off." She sighed and leaned her head against Sam's knee; he placed his hand in her soft hair.

"Anyways, Dean went to Michael's house to try and find out what had happened….and Michaels older brother, Jeff, answered the door. He screamed and yelled at Dean, called him every filthy name in the book all the while making wild accusations about how Dean's unnatural preferences had _rubbed_ off on his little brother." She paused and her breath caught as she struggled to maintain control of her emotions.

"Seriously?" Sam asked quietly as he began unconsciously carding his long fingers through her mahogany locks.

"Sam…he beat my brother…within an inch of his life. That is not an exaggeration."

Sam sucked the air through suddenly clenched teeth as his fingers stilled in Anna's hair and he closed his eyes in silent denial.

"No." he whispered.

Anna laughed softly, but there was no humor in the sound, "I spent weeks with Dean in ICU, his cheek bones had been broken along with his jaw, they had to wire it shut, his left arm was broken in two places, along with his right ankle and there was extensive damage to his kidneys. But you know the worst of the damage…it was to his throat where Jeff had tried to strangle him to death…he almost got it done too." The last sentence was said in a low whisper.

"When he had finally healed up enough to be released he immediately joined the military and was gone for the next six years while I finished high school." She finished. "Sam…Jeff stole something from my brother that night…he made him angry, bitter, and ashamed of who and what he was. So many people reinforced that reaction for Dean that he just assumes that's the response he will get from everyone."

"Oh god….Anna, I didn't know any of this." Sam stammered.

"Yeah…well my older brother isn't exactly forth coming with emotional information. Honestly, he's a bit of an emotional eunuch." She stated simply.

Sam forced a small smile at that, "No…no he definitely is not an open book."

Anna sat back and looked Sam in the eyes trying to decipher what she saw smoldering just beneath the surface.

"You love him, don't you?"

It wasn't an accusation or even a question, it was a statement.

Sam closed his eyes and leaned his head back against his wall, his hand stilled its repetitive movements through her hair and he felt a lump form in his throat.

"Yeah…I think so. No…no…I know so."

She nodded, satisfied and pulled back slowly climbing to her feet; she then settled down on the bed next to him resting her head on his shoulder. The gesture held no hidden meaning, just two people suffering through something, with neither of them sure how to get through it.

"Yeah…yeah me too." She said quietly.

"But I don't think that he believes me. I don't think he thinks I actually want him that way."

She snorted at that, "Uh…based on his past experience, I'm not surprised that he ran from you Sam."

Sam turned to look at her now, "What do you mean?"

She lifted her head and stared straight into his questioning eyes, "You would seem…a bit…too good to be true. Dean would never accept that you wanted to be with him for no other reason than because you…wanted him. Honestly, he barely accepts that from me."

Sam nodded his understanding. "Anna, how do I prove it to him? I'm not exactly good at the whole emotional thing myself and I have no experience with this sort of thing. So how do two emotionally stunted people get their proverbial shit together?" he asked simply.

She shook her head from side to side and blew a breath out, "I have no idea Sam. Dean's got a lot of baggage; he may not let you carry any of it."

Sam groaned and dropped his head against the wall a little harder this time and proceeded to bang it a couple of times for effect.

"Sam. Stop. The only suggestion I have where my brother is concerned is that you need to let him come to you. Don't go after him. He won't believe you anyways, and you'll just wind up getting hurt."

Sam nodded at her simple solution although it went against everything that he currently wanted to do.

"I can try and do that." He stated as he felt her head drop back onto his shoulder.

"Sam?" Anna paused before she continued. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Sam knitted his eyebrows together, but he heard the fragile quality in her voice and that melted his heart and he nodded as he leaned his own head on hers.

"Yeah, Anna…I don't want to be alone either."

She smiled and maneuvered into a more comfortable position with her head resting in his lap her arms curling around his hips and lower back. Sam returned to carding his fingers through her long hair and leaned back against the wall to process the information that she had revealed to him tonight.

Sam had known that Dean was private, and that he only let people see the sarcastic, funny, macho side of himself.

In fact Sam couldn't count the times that they had sat on their respective beds watching some cheesy horror flick on their small TV, while drinking a beer and making fun of the terrible acting and special effects, like some lame imitation of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

He felt a tear slip between his eyelids and roll down his cheek and plop onto his chest. _Oh god Dean, if I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have pushed you tonight. I wish you would have told me._

He felt Anna's breathing even out as she dropped into sleep and he brushed his knuckles along the soft skin of her cheek and forehead.

He allowed a small smile to play at the corners of his mouth as he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her temple.

"Thanks for telling me the truth."

He whispered before his own head leaned against wall, falling victim to his own exhaustion.

XXXX

Dean had driven for about four hours straight before it occurred to him, like typhoon that he may have royally fucked up.

Sam had never done anything to lead him to believe that he would intentionally hurt him, nor had he ever denied being gay or even straight for that matter. On the contrary he had trusted Dean with his own miserable life's story about he wound up at Stanford, he had talked about a mother that he clearly missed and he had embraced Dean as his friend, no questions asked. He had never pushed Dean to talk about his father or his time in the military, and top it all off, Sam had embraced his little sister as his own.

"Damn it!"

Dean shouted at the empty road as guilt poured through him and he pulled the car to curb immediately jumping out and leaning against the hood. He scrubbed his hand across his face and tried to quell the rising panic in his gut that he had screwed up something that was important and potentially life altering…in a good way.

He shook his head from side to side as the realization slammed into his unprepared heart and crippled him with its intensity.

"Oh god, what have I done?" he said to inky blackness of the night.

Dean pulled the cell phone from his pocket and turned it on waiting impatiently for it to locate a satellite and down load his messages.

He had one missed call from Anna, he listened to the message and smiled sadly as he listened to her tell him that everything was fine and that she would be waiting when he got back.

He also had one missed text message…his heart skidded to a halt as he saw that it was from Sam.

Dean, I'm sorry.

That was it, nothing else. Just 'I'm sorry', no tag line, no anything else. Dean glared at his phone like it was lying to him.

He thought about texting Sam back, but then he decided that maybe this was a conversation that they should have in person.

He climbed back behind the wheel of the Impala and flipped a 'bitch' and headed back the direction he had come.

The drive back to Stanford seemed to take for freakin ever, he was sure that he hadn't driven _that_ far away.

Dean released a breath he hadn't realized that he had been holding as he finally saw the lights of the campus in the distance. The sun was just starting to rise and he knew that Sam wouldn't be far behind the first rays of light.

A smile played at the corners of his mouth at the thought of his lanky shaggy roommate. _He is the best person that I have ever met. He sees the good in people, even if they don't deserve it. Especially me…I just can't imagine that he's gonna want me if he ever finds out…_

His own face popped into his head at that last thought, he quickly pushed the thought aside as he pulled into the parking lot.

He was unprepared for the intense guilt that erupted in his heart when the image of Sam sinking to his knees in defeat flashed before his eyes.

_I'm so sorry Sam._

He placed the car in park and looked toward the building only to see Sam coming down the steps for his run. His face looked tired and he wasn't moving with his usual grace or light step.

Dean felt his heart constrict, he knew that he was the reason for Sam's current state of mind and it was killing him that he had caused this.

He watched until Sam disappeared around the bend and only then did he head for the doors. He figured that he had about 45 minutes until Sam would return. With his bag slung over his shoulder he used the key card to open their room. He was not however prepared to see his little sister sleeping in Sam's bed.

He scrunched his eyes closed as he thought of all the _inappropriate _reason's that Anna could be here, the most glaring of which was that Sam had moved on from Dean immediately to his baby sister….

Dean discarded that thought almost as soon as it formed in his head, there was no way either of them would betray him like that. _He was pretty sure of that._ Dean quietly sat on Sam's bed and rubbed Anna's arm to wake her up, she opened bleary eyes and then immediately threw herself into his arms when she finally recognized him.

"Dean." She sobbed as tears started to stream down her face, "I thought that you wouldn't come back for a long time."

"Shh…it's okay…I'm sorry kiddo…I'm not going anywhere." He said into her hair as he hugged her and placed a kiss on top of her head, _great now I feel guilty about Anna too_.

"Sam doesn't know your back yet does he?" she asked as she got control of her emotions and sat up to look him in the eyes.

Dean smiled sadly, "No he doesn't…not yet. But he will." She looked in his intense green eyes for truth and found it surprisingly unhidden.

"Are you in love with him?" She asked quietly.

His smile and the truth slipped from his lips as he nodded slowly, "Yes."

Anna smiled and placed her small hand on his chin pulling his gaze to meet hers, "He loves you too ya know." She said as a smile began to pull at the corners of her eyes.

"I know."

She hugged him again and untangled herself from Sam's sheets and blankets; it was at this point that Dean noticed that she was fully dressed all the way down to her shoes. He smirked as she got her left foot stuck in the corner of the sheet and helped untangle it, she stood up and grabbed her purse.

"Sam went running, and he'll be back soon, so I'm gonna go…so you two can talk."

Dean nodded and stood pulling her into a tight hug, "Thanks Anna."

She smiled again returning the embrace with just as much enthusiasm, "What are little sisters for?"

He laughed as she pulled away from him and bounded out the door and down the corridor to the stairs; he stepped back into their room and decided that a shower was definitely in order after spending the night in his car.

Dean grabbed his shower stuff and headed for the showers, before all the hot water was gone.

Sam finished his run feeling no better than he had when he started. His heart was still heavy and now his ass hurt from the brutal pace that he had kept during the run this morning. He guessed that subconsciously he had thought that he could outrun his thoughts…he'd been wrong.

He pushed open the door to his room and grabbed his shower gear and immediately headed down the hall. As he entered the communal shower room, he pulled up short as he heard a voice belting out Highway to Hell by AC/DC; it was coming from the showers.

Sam felt a lump form in his throat as recent memories of Dean flooded his already fragile calm, tears formed in his eyes, which he quickly brushed away.

He placed his stuff next to an empty shower stall and started to strip down when the curtain across the room was pushed roughly aside and _Dean_ stepped out…_a completely naked Dean_, as he reached for the towel that was hanging on the hook next to his shower stall.

Dean brought his green eyes up in surprised and caught Sam's startled ones and then…he smiled gently at the other man, "Hey ya Sammy."

Sam just continued to stare at the older man, confusion pouring off him as he silently watched Dean slowly grab the towel and wrap it around his hips and immediately started walking toward him.

Dean knew that he needed to handle this gingerly, but Sam looked like a deer caught in the headlights as soon as he recognized him.

So he grabbed his towel and slung it low on his hips, tucking the edge into the make shift waste band, as he walked slowly over to where Sam was currently having a hard time breathing. Dean pressed Sam up against the divider wall looked purposefully into his eyes for permission, once he saw the silent 'yes' he pressed his lips fervently to Sam's. Sam knew Dean was seeking forgiveness for his own stupidity, which he more than willing to give if it meant he got to have Dean this way.

Dean pulled back from the almost chaste kiss, "I'm so sorry Sammy." He whispered against Sam's throat, threading his fingers into Sam's sweat soaked hair. Dean leaned his head against the larger man's chest hearing the rapid trip hammer that was his heart and dropped his hands slowly wrapping his arms around Sam's lean hips effectively pulling him closer.

Sam's own breathing hitched as he felt the frantic pace of Dean's own heart, knowing instantly that he was scared senseless of the rejection that Sam could still though his way.

Sam's arms instantly pulled Dean closer and he let his hands rest at the base of Dean's spine, just above the towel on his lower back moving his fingers gently on the smooth skin.

"No…Dean, I'm the one that should be sorry. I shouldn't have pushed." Sam debated for a moment on telling Dean what Anna had disclosed the previous night, but almost instantly decided against it. That was a conversation that they could have a later date.

Dean pulled away from Sam's neck and looked into his eyes, his own barriers currently down, and Sam saw uncertainty, guilt and an unnerving amount of vulnerability floating in those liquid green pools.

"Are you sure Sammy? Are you absolutely sure this is what you want…that I'm what you want?" He asked it so quietly that Sam had lean in to hear him all the while trying not to get lost in the beauty of those eyes.

"Yes. Dean. I. Am. Sure." He punctuated each word with kiss to Dean's face and neck.

Dean groaned and tilted his head back to give Sam better access.

Sam dropped his lips to the hollow between Dean's shoulder and his collarbone, thoughts of what Dean's father had done to him flashing through his mind, he kissed that particular spot tenderly and was rewarded with contented sigh that tumbled up from somewhere deep within Dean's chest.

"Sam, we should probably go somewhere more private. The bathroom is about to get pretty busy."

Now it was Sam's turn to groan as he pulled back from Dean and nodded, placing his head against Dean's, "Yeah…yeah okay."

Sam didn't miss the unmistakable protrusion that was hidden, although not too well, beneath Dean's towel as he took a step back.

Dean looked down and chuckled; when he saw Sam's eyes latch onto his pretty obvious arousal.

"Yeah, so a towel's not really gonna do too much to hide that from the other guys." He said with a grin as he watched Sam blush all the way to his roots.

"Nope…nope it's really, really not."

Dean reluctantly pulled out of Sam's arms and walked to his things, rummaging through them until he found the clean pair of boxer-briefs.

He turned wriggling his eyebrows and then smiled wickedly at Sam as he simply dropped the towel to the floor and stepped slowly into the underwear.

Sam couldn't help but stare at the engorged member, he was surprised by how _big_ Dean was; since he had never really paid attention to that before. He found a nervous chuckle escaping his chest before he could stop it.

Dean glanced back at Sam and smiled again, "Don't worry Sammy, I won't hurt you."

The smug smile was still there but the words were spoken with soft concern.

"I know." Sam said simply. "Look, Dean I really, really want to talk to you about all of this..." He gulped and blushed again. "And continue _this_…but I _need_ to take a shower first."

Dean wrinkled his nose, "Yeah, you do." Then he fricken winked, _he winked,_ at Sam, "How far did you run dude, you smell terrible." Dean crossed the room in two long strides and pulled Sam's mouth down to his again, and it was _Oh god…_ so hot! Sam almost forgot that he needed to get in the shower before there was a run on them from the other residents in the dorm.

Dean moaned deep in his throat and pulled away from Sam again, patting Sam on the ass, "Nice." he said, an appreciative smirk on his face as he went back to grab his stuff.

"Don't be too long Sammy, I'm starving." The double meaning was not lost on Sam as Dean winked again and started humming as he moved off down the hallway.  
Sam stripped his soiled clothing off, careful of his own erection as he stepped gingerly into the shower. He wondered briefly if he should take care of that before he went back to the room or what?

Ultimately he opted for comfort and proceeded to do more than just clean the dust and sweat from his run during his shower.

When Sam got back to their room, Dean was almost fully dressed and humming to the music that was now blaring out of his iPod through a small set of speakers on the desk.

The smile that he shot Sam when he walked in was amazingly innocent and sweet, to say the least. Sam was surprised to see that there was nothing hidden in Dean's eyes as he stared openly at Sam.

"Hey." Dean said as he moved to the closet grabbing his normal black t-shirt, he had already pulled on the pair of dark jeans that he taken to showers with him.

Dean crossed the room in one stride and pulled Sam into an embrace against his chest. He needed to feel Sam's skin against his hands, the toned and chiseled muscles twitched as his ran his hands up Sam's sides and over his chest to rest in his soft damp hair.

"Dean." Sam groaned, "If we are gonna make breakfast, we gotta stop…"

"Mmmm" was the only answer that Dean could muster as his lips sought Sam's.

Sam kissed him back just as enthusiastically, opening his mouth to allow Dean's tongue to slip inside and tangle with his own for dominance.

"Dean…" he moaned again, "Breakfast."  
Dean smiled against Sam's mouth as he thought of the fact that neither of them had classes this afternoon, so they could…what…stay in bed once they got back from the diner?!

He pulled away from Sam, but not before he ran his hands just below Sam's waist line to the firmly rounded top of his ass and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Been wantin to do that since I met you in the library that day." He breathed against Sam's lips, smiling the whole time.

Sam leaned his head against Dean's and shook it back and forth, "Jerk." He said affectionately.

"Bitch." Came Dean's immediate reply along with a brilliant smile that included those amazing green eyes.

Sam grinned back and Dean was promptly reminded why he loved to see Sam smile, those fricken dimples were insane!

Dean took a step back and allowed Sam to throw a t-shirt over his shoulders, effectively covering up Dean's current "distraction" also known as his lower abs. Dean just smirked and went to grab his wallet and his keys from the tray on the dresser.

Sam grabbed his hand as he moved to open the door, "Dean…I don't know why you changed your mind and came back…but I'm glad you did." The last part was almost a whisper.

Dean felt his heart constrict at the thought of what he had almost thrown away last night. He reached down and entangled his fingers with Sam's, "It was you." He said quietly. "I just couldn't walk away from _you._"

Sam squeezed his hand back and released it to grab his own wallet. "Diner?" he asked.

"Diner." Dean repeated.

"Ya know, since _you_ didn't run today, you're going to have to eat the healthy version of breakfast." Sam couldn't resist the jibe and he was rewarded with a death scene in front of their room that Oscar worthy.

Sam tried to scowl, but only succeeded in breaking into a fit of laughter as Dean stayed motionless on the floor in front of the door.

He grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him to his feet, "Come on you idiot. Let's go."

Sam was rewarded with another amazing smile and after a glance around to make sure they were alone, a quick but passionate kiss.

Dean's lips were still tingling when they reached the Impala, and he opened the door, sliding across to unlock Sam's side. _Interesting, I've never really assigned that seat to anyone, not even Anna._

The thought sent a warm shiver down his back and then rested in his stomach as he reflected on how much this geeky kid from no-where USA had wormed his way into Dean's life and heart.

Sam slid in and looked at him with his big puppy dog eyes, and smiled so sweetly that Dean questioned what he had done to deserve it.

"What was that for?" he asked.

Sam's dimples grew deeper and he blushed again, looking at his hands momentarily and the bringing his eyes back to Dean.

Dean didn't think that he would ever get tired of that, "Nothing, just glad you're you."

Dean's eyes furrowed at that comment.

"Dude, chick-flick much?" he asked with a laugh.

Sam's face instantly changed to the classic 'bitch' face and he flipped Dean off as they rolled out onto the street.

Dean burst out laughing as he looked affectionately in Sam's direction again.

TBC...

_Huh, well they are definitely together now, I guess we'll see where this goes. Since I have most of this already written I was thinking that I would just post it._


	4. Chapter 4: The Accident

Rating: MA as the relationship deepens and the abusive nature of Dean's past is revealed throughout this chapter, this includes child abuse and other awful things of this nature. If you don't like this kind of story please don't continue as it is for mature readers only.

As always I do not own Supernatural nor any of the rights, these all belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Also any similarities to other stories or writers fanfic's is entirely coincidental and not a form of plagiarism.

If you like the story please review as this will help me stay motivated to finish the end of the story. Thank you for reading.

**Chapter 4**

_The Accident_

Dean never saw the 1 ton Ford pickup that barreled into Sam's side of the car after running a red light.

One minute he was enjoying his life, and thinking about the future that they could have and the next the Impala was being pushed sideways by the truck. Dean felt himself slam into the steering column and the sickening crack of his right leg against the parking break. His head bounced off the steering wheel and he was instantly dazed as blood immediately rushed into his eyes effectively blinding him.

But one thought repeated over and over in his pain blurred mind, _Oh my god…Sammy!_

Dean couldn't remember seeing Sam put on his seat belt when they got in the car. Dean wanted to look over at the passenger seat, but he couldn't focus, his brain was so muddled, and the pain was blocking what intelligent thoughts he did have. He thought he reached up to wipe the blood from his eyes, but was disturbed to see that his hand hadn't moved and the liquid was still pouring down his face…_head wound._ His medic trained mind supplied. _Bleed like crazy._

"Sir? Sir!?"

"I don't think he's coherent."

"Sire, we called an ambulance. It'll be here any minute."

"Smm…" he choked out.

"What was that sir?" the voice asked again.

Dean concentrated, pulling his fractured thoughts together and repeated the question that was frantically racing through his head, "Sam….."

He heard the pause in the voice before it answered, "Ummm, the guy you were with?"

"Mmmm."

He managed and hoped they recognized it as an affirmative, Dean still couldn't see the voice's face or make out whether it was a man or a woman, and he couldn't seem to keep his thoughts together either.

"The other boy…he was thrown from the car, I…I think the other truck might have hit him on the road…" The voice broke on the last part as Dean's face scrunched in agony that had nothing to do with pain.

"He okay?"

"No." Was the only response from the voice.

Dean felt his heart start to race and he knew that he was panicking and probably going into shock, but he couldn't seem to calm himself down…so much for all his fricken training.

When he heard the sounds of the ambulance approaching his mind figured they were safe now, so it effectively shut itself down leaving Dean to slide into the darkness with no answers about Sam.

XXXX

Dean's foggy mind started to move again and he immediately knew that _something_ was wrong, but he couldn't place what the exact problem was.

He felt someone leaning against his shoulder and felt a strange stiffness in his left arm, and also in his right leg. _Oh god! Did dad break them again?!_ The first thought that entered his mind was frantic in nature.

Dean knew that he hadn't done anything to set the old man off recently, so why did everything feel like it was on fire?

"Dean?"

He heard the soft whisper of his name…and he tried to place the owner of the voice, it sounded so concerned. _Wait, that's not right, Dad was never concerned after he beat me._ Suddenly his drug confused mind flashed a picture of Anna, and the voice made sense in his chaotic world again.

"Dean, are you awake?"

He tried to open his eyes, but they felt like they were glued shut and gritty, he continued to struggle with them until they finally acquiesced and slid open a fraction of an inch.

Anna tried to smile around the concern as she saw her brothers green eyes appear through the narrow slits of his eyelids.

He started to turn his head to look at her, but a blinding pain shooting from his spine stopped the movement.

She placed here hand on his chest, "Shhh, you were in an accident Dean. Do you remember?"

Suddenly Dean's mind flooded him with horrific memories, the truck slamming into the Impala, the car sliding sideways for several hundred feet, the blinding pain, and finally Sam's face his sweet smile as he looked at Dean with his heart in his eyes.

Dean almost choked on the memory, "Sam…." He pushed out of his abused throat.

Anna's eyes welled up with tears and she closed her eyes and pulled her hand to her mouth to stop the onslaught of emotion begging for release.

Dean's mind immediately went into denial, _no no no no No No NO NO NO!_ It repeated over and over until it was screaming the word inside his head.

"Sam…." He repeated again through the emotion that was now chocking him. Tears were forming in his own confused and pain wracked eyes, as the realization that Sam may not have made it.

_No, I can't….if he's not here…I just can't._

Anna turned away to get control of herself and only turning back when his shaking cast entombed hand reached for her shoulder.

"Sam, is in a coma…they don't think that he'll survive the week." A sob escaped as she stumbled over the last part. "Dean, he was thrown from the car, and then that damn truck hit him too." Her voice cracked on the word truck and she closed her eyes as tears started rolling down her face.

"He got hurt so bad…" Anna continued as she tried to calm her sobbing so she could talk to her brother, she knew that he needed her now…maybe more than ever before…because if he lost Sam that might be it. That might the thing that breaks her incredibly strong brother.

Tears were flowing from his eyes as the pain registered along with the potential loss, "Tell me?" he croaked.

She wanted to shake her head no, but she knew that he wouldn't rest until he knew what Sam's medical state was. _Sometimes I hate that your pre-med…_she thought.

"He…uh…he broke his left leg, has several compressed vertebrae in his lower back and neck, his right shoulder was dislocated along with his elbow…but they are mostly concerned with the swelling in his brain. He hit the ground so hard that it cracked his skull…they just don't know what the extent if any of the brain damage will be…not until he wakes up." She sucked in a ragged breath as she saw the weight of Sam's injuries start to slowly and completely destroy Dean.

"They just don't know…they just don't know." She repeated quietly, her sobs slowing to quietly muffled tears.

Dean turned away from her and squeezed his eyes closed, _oh god, Sammy I'm so sorry…I never meant for you to get hurt. If I hadn't come back then you wouldn't have been in that car and your beautiful body wouldn't be lying broken in some freaken hospital now._

Hot tears splashed down his face at the realization that he had managed to hurt Sam without even trying.

Dean heard Anna step away from his bed, he assumed it was to give him some privacy, but she return momentarily with a nurse who injected something into his IV. Dean felt his grip on the waking world start to slip as whatever the concoction had been took effect.

The next time that he clawed his way out his own mind he was alone. He assumed that Anna had gone home to sleep or shower or hopefully eat.

He felt the ghost of Sam's lips press against his as his thought's turned back to his partner, he was unprepared for the pain that radiated from his chest at the thought that he may never see Sam alive again.

His shaggy haired, brilliant, roommate and the love of his life was lying in some bed in this hospital bed; fighting for his life and it was all Dean's fault. He should have seen the truck, he should have checked to make sure Sam had put on his seat belt…he should have just stayed away. The last thought was so painful that Dean immediately pushed it to the back of his mind.

At least now he could turn his head to the side he thought as he looked out the window into the hallway watching the nurses bustling around caring for other patients.

A petite blond woman entered his room and smiled into his wide green eyes, "Look who's awake." She said in far too perky of a voice.

"Yeah." He mumbled.

She walked over to check his vitals and placed a hand on his head to feel his temperature, she seemed pleased with what she was seeing.

"Ma'am?" he asked quietly.

She turned soft blue eyes towards him and smiled, "Yes sweetie?"

He bristled a little at being treated like kid, but let it go. "The guy I was with…Sam. Is he doing any better?"  
Her smile faltered a little, but she reached down and squeezed his arm supportively, "He's fighting very hard…we are all praying for him."

Dean's eyebrow's knitted together in pain and guilt at her answer, and he slowly nodded, not saying a word.

"Sweetheart, he made it past the one week mark, and that's a positive start."

He turned destroyed green eyes back in her direction; "Thanks…" he managed around the lump in his throat.

She smiled again, "Look on a good note, the swelling on his brain has started to recede on its own, the doctors weren't sure it would. So that is a positive step."

Dean drew in a ragged breath as the severity of Sam's injuries registered in his much less foggy mind.

She squeezed his shoulder one more time and then turned to leave.

"Wait." He called desperately. "Can I see him?"

She turned and looked…really looked at the handsome man lying in the bed, earth shattering guilt now radiating from his intense eyes.

_I think they were way more than just friends and roommates._ She thought, and the idea settled warmly in her heart, love was love, no matter who it was.

"I'll see what I can do." She said.

"Okay. Good. Thanks" he muttered as she finally exited his room.

XXXX

The voices were hurting his head, he had no idea what they were saying, but they were saying it too loud.

Where was he? Why wasn't he in school? He was gonna fail his finals, if he didn't stay on top of his classes.

He groaned as he tried to turn his head and found that it was restrained, he immediately did what any red blooded American male would do…he panicked!

Sam tried to pull his arms up to physically move his head, but that wasn't happening…pain immediately shot through his left arm and he grunted in response.

"Whoa…whoa…Sam…stop, you're okay." He didn't recognize the voice but it seemed to be calm so he tried to open his eyes. They felt heavy, sticky even…but eventually they slid open. It took a moment for them to focus on the man standing in front of him.

He was young with short cropped blond hair, intensely sad green eyes, and was currently leaning heavily on a set of crutches with a cast wrapped around his right hand.

The green eyed man's face softened into a sad smile as he looked at Sam.

"Who..r..u?" he managed to squeak out past the desert that had taken up residence in his throat.

Instantaneous pain poured into the man's face at Sam's simple question and a large tear formed and rolled unimpeded down his stubbled cheek.

"You don't recognize me?" His voice was almost a whisper, with a hint of gravel underneath, it sent a shiver through Sam.

Sam pulled his eyebrows together and really looked at the guy watching him with such a pained expression that Sam thought maybe they were related or something. But nothing came to his mind; there was no face that matched this in his memory bank.

"Sry…no."

"Oh god."

Was all the other man said as he sank into the chair that was luckily directly behind him, because damn that would have hurt to fall on the floor with a broken leg…at least that's what Sam thought.

The guy seemed to physically crumble in front of Sam, while he struggled to accept what Sam was telling him.

"Shld…I?" he managed to push past the desert.

The stranger turned tear filled green eyes in his direction, and the emotional devastation that Sam saw there scared him a bit, "Yeah…man…you should."

Sam tried again access the face somewhere in his memory, but the last thing he remembers is being in class during the start of his senior year in college.

"How…d…I…gt…hre?" He knew that he wasn't speaking clearly and that fact concerned him, he had always had a vast vocabulary. But right now he didn't seem able to string two words together coherently.

The man swallowed and pushed his good hand through his blond hair, "You were in an accident."

"Accident?" There that was one word. "I…no…car." Well so much for full sentences.

The man got up and limped toward the bed and sat in a different chair situated next to it, "Yeah…no…you don't have a car." He audibly gulped. "I was driving."

Ahh, well at least the guilt that was pouring off this guy made a little more sense now. He felt responsible for Sam's current condition.

"S, Okay." He said. There was something about this man that made Sam want to make him feel better, he didn't want to see him cry, he didn't want to see him hurting.

It seemed that his words had the opposite effect though; the last wall that was holding this guy together seemed to crumble before Sam's very eyes. His shoulders hunched and huge sobs rolled through his body as tears dropped into his lap.

Sam reached over with his good arm, and gently touched the man's knee.

He dropped his own casted hand to rest on top of Sam's, but the soul racking sobs still seemed to be tearing him apart.

Sam patted his knee, hoping that this would pull the man's eyes back to his own…that actually worked. The guy looked up and the misery in his face made Sam's own tender heart ache…he smiled sadly at the man.

"It's okay…really." He wanted to hoot and holler in celebration of his full sentence, but the man's reaction stopped him.

He just turned his face away again and started to get up.

Suddenly Sam had this terrifying feeling that if he let this guy walk away, that he may never see him again…and for some reason that thought scared the shit out him.

"Wait." He croaked out.

The man instantly turned to look at him with something akin to hope dimly shining out of the depths of his eyes.

Sam felt a warmth settle over his heart, there was something about this man…what was it.

"Name…" he asked quietly when the guy had sat back down.

"Dean…Winchester." he looked at Sam with despair and something else…it was smoldering just beneath the surface, but Sam's foggy mind couldn't quite grasp what _it _was.

"How…do we know…each…other?"

The somewhat steady look that Dean had achieved faltered a little and Sam wondered who had hurt this guy so badly that he would reflect so much pain and sorrow with only his eyes.

Dean swallowed loudly and scrubbed a hand across his face, the action seemed so natural to Sam that he just knew that he had seen it before…and often…but again the memories wouldn't come to the surface.

"Uh…roommates…at Stanford."

_Huh…well that doesn't make any friggin sense, his roommate was some flippin night owl named Jared that hated it when Sam got up early. So that can't be how we know each other._

But there was nothing but truth being reflected out of Dean's glassy green eyes as he stared at Sam.

Sam decided to let it go for now.

"M'kay…tired." He mumbled as his eyes started to fall shut of their own accord. When he heard Dean start to get up to leave, that same irrational fear settled in his gut and his eyes flew open and had him reaching for Dean's hospital robe.

"Stay…with me?" Sam managed around the weariness that was dragging him back under, his hand knotted in Dean's clothes.

Dean spun, well, spun as well one could spin on a broken leg with two crutches and a casted right arm, Sam's eyes were slipping shut but he had Dean's clothes fisted in his good hand and was pulling Dean toward the bed.

Dean felt the slight spark of hope rekindle in his heart at the _mostly _unconscious gesture; maybe they would be okay after all.

He stumbled back to the chair…

"Okay Sammy…yeah…I'll be right here when you wake up." Warmth pooled in his chest at the small smile forming on Sam's face that allowed the first glimpse of those incredibly deep dimples that Dean loved and hadn't seen since before the accident.

Dean watched as Sam dropped into an easy rhythm of breathing, his face peaceful and serene in spite of the pain that he must be in.

He knew that he should go tell the doctors that Sam had woken up, but he had promised that he would be here when Sam woke up again. He couldn't break that promise to Sam…he just couldn't.

He held onto Sam's hand as he continues to sleep, eventually he felt his own eye lids starting to drop with weariness, not to mention the pain in his leg was intensifying.

Some sick part of his brain told him that he deserved to suffer the pain, because of what he had done to Sam.

Dean wanted desperately to ignore the part that screamed at him in his father's voice that he was a 'fucked up piece of shit' and that their mother should have just 'gotten rid of him' when they had learned she was pregnant.

He tried to shake the voice from his increasingly pain drenched mind, but the fatigue was not helping him and his father's voice was getting louder with each passing minute.

_You deserve this Dean…you destroy everything you touch…you taint it with your unnatural preferences. That's why the dealers could sell you…their customers are just as fucked up as you! _

He wanted to scream shut up, but he knew that his father would just get more vocal and then he would resort to violence.

Dean tried to shake himself out this line of thinking, but the pain was making that so hard, it was so similar to every other time that his father had beat the shit out him and left him to bleed on the dirty floor of some cheap motel.

He felt his eyes sliding shut as he leaned to rest his head on Sam's bed…maybe if he slept a little then his father's voice would go away.

Sam was slowly brought back to awareness by whimpers coming from somewhere near to his hip, he struggled to pull open his eyes as the pained sounds intensified. Somehow he knew that it was Dean, there was _something_ causing him pain. Sam pried his lids open and his gaze fell on the top of Dean's shaking head. Sam saw the uncontrolled tremors running through the other man as whatever was happening inside his mind went to a whole new level.

Sam's instincts told him that this man needed to be protected from whatever was currently going on inside his own mind, and he needed that protection now.

Sam reached down to place his hand on Dean's shoulder, and pulled back suddenly at the almost electric shock that shot through his fingers at the physical contact.

Instantly his mind was filled with thoughts of Dean…Dean running…Dean on the wrestling mats at the gym…Dean laughing…Dean driving the Impala…Dean kissing Sam…Dean's body pressed against his in a shower, leaving nothing to the imagination.

Sam shook his head as the strange thoughts and rampant emotions that were somehow connected to this incredible man settled in his now overflowing mind.

_Oh god…Dean…how could I have forgotten you?! But you stayed with me anyway…oh god…I love him…_

Sam reached down to gently shake Dean awake, and that was when he felt the intense burning heat that was radiating from his body…_Shit!...Dean…you're burning up!_

Sam watched Dean's face scrunch in agony as whatever he was dreaming about seemed to be getting steadily worse. He glanced around his bed looking for the call button, when he stopped when he saw it clipped to rail on the left side of his bed; he reached across and depressed the small red button…hoping that nurses would be quick.

Immediately a blond nurse with intense blue eyes was at his door, "Sam." She exclaimed with pleasure. "You're awake…" She quickly noticed that he was pointing to Dean and trying to talk, but only a scratchy version of his voice was coming out.

She quickly moved to Dean's side and gently laid here hand on his shoulder, she felt the heat radiating off his body before she had even touched him.

"Oh my gosh." She said quietly.

Her eyes flew up to meet Sam's worried blue-green gaze, "How long has he been asleep?" The question was clipped but not unkind.

Sam shook his head and she nodded her understanding and turned toward the small window with the blinds. She pulled the string opening them and getting the attention of the other nurses that were just outside Sam's room. She quickly motioned them to come in the room.

Two women entered immediately, "He is running a fever and he is non-responsive." She said as she pointed at Dean and tried to smile at Sam. "Our patient is also awake. Please get Dr. Conners."

One of the nurses, a short Hispanic lady, nodded and quickly exited the room in search of the Doctor. The other women immediately went to Dean's side and placed an electric thermometer into his ear; it beeped a few seconds later and she removed it to see the digital screen.

"Oh my god, Jane…It's at 103.7 and it looks like it's going up." Her voice reflected an unnatural concern that was echoed in her dark eyes.

Sam felt his heart start skipping at the number, the beeping coming from his left confirmed that his heart rate was on the rise, _Oh god, that is not good. What the hell is causing this?_

"Becky, I need you to go get a gurney, now!" The blond nurse said, her tone of voice was starting to scare the shit out of Sam.

"Ma'am…." Sam managed to croak out, it was an obvious attempt at understanding what was happening.

She quickly turned her worried soft blue eyes to meet his currently panicked blue-green ones. "Sam, we don't know what's going on…give us some time. I promise I'll let you know as soon as I know anything." She smiled slightly and gently squeezed his good hand as she turned and quickly exited his room to help find the gurney.

Sam returned his gaze to where Dean was now visibly shaking with fever, he was moaning as well. Sam placed his hand on Dean's shoulder and felt a shudder run through Dean's body at the contact.

"No…dad…please stop. Don't let them…hurts…I can't…can't do that…" Dean mumbled incoherently.

Sam listened and tried to not think about what Dean could possibly be begging his father to stop.

_Dean, I don't know how to help you through this…but I promise when we are better I'm never gonna leave you alone. _The silent promise kept running through Sam's mind like a mantra as he watched Dean struggle.

A sudden intense tremor rocked through Dean's body and he started shake even harder, his body slipping from the chair causing his head to bang into the metal armrest as he slid bonelessly to the floor; his body now wracked in a full out seizure. Blood started to pool below his left eye on the white tile floor where he had hit the sharp corner of the hospital chair.

Sam stared helplessly as Dean convulsed and his broken leg thrashed against the chair and his arms taunt, blood vessels standing out starkly against the muscles, with the intensity of the seizure.

Fear and panic were now fully seated in Sam's heart as he watched the man he loved seize with fever and pain.

The nurses rushed back into the room and halted as they saw the figure on the floor, "Shit." The blond exclaimed as they rushed to Dean's aid.

The two women struggled to pick up the close to 200 pounds of weight and place him on the gurney, the other nurse, Becky, immediately started taking vitals. A third nurse that Sam did not know rushing in and placing a white cloth against the head wound.

"Heart rate is elevated, BP is dropping; it's getting close to dangerous levels. We need the doctor, now!" She stated matter of factly, her voice was dangerously calm.

Sam's fear ramped up at their words as they quickly wheeled Dean out of the room and away from him. He tried to get their attention, but they were preoccupied with Dean's condition and had completely forgotten about him.

XXXX

Dean felt his father break his arm as he was thrown into the banister at the base of the stairs in their crappy one bedroom motel room. He stayed crouched in the corner as his father raged at him from the top of stairs that he had just thrown Dean down.

"You WILL do this for me son!" His father screamed down at him. He started to descend the levels and Dean felt himself shake with fear.

"Dad…I can't…please don't make me." Tears were now streaming down Dean's face as he tried to move away from the rage that was literally pouring off his father.

"I don't care what you want!" He screamed as he stumbled down the stairs, his foot flying out as he kicked Dean in the rips, hearing a satisfying crack as one, maybe two, gave way.

Dean pulled into a ball of agony, as flashes of intense pain radiated from his broken arm and now from his side as well. Every breath was causing black spots to jump before his eyes.

His father grabbed him by the hair and hauled him to his feet, Dean cried out again as the movement shifted his bones, the pain momentarily blinding him. This show weakness only seemed to make his father angrier; he threw Dean over the coffee table face down and held him there.

"So you like boys…huh?!" his father yelled he pulled a knife from his pocket; he slid the thing between Dean's belt and the waist band on his jeans quickly slicing through the leather.

"Well then we better make sure that you know what you are getting into!"

Dean's mind was foggy with pain and his vision kept blurring as he tried to squirm out from beneath his father.

When he felt his father's hand reach around the front of his jeans and pop the snap, the intension now crystal clear, Dean flipped out. He started bucking against his father trying to throw him off before he could complete the heinous act.

He felt his father grab his hair and slam his head into the edge of the table causing Dean's vision to go momentarily white and blood to flow freely from the wound and into his eyes and then dripping off his nose only to pool on the dirty brown carpet beneath him.

But it stopped him from fighting for a moment as he tried to collect his jumbled thoughts and breath through the searing pain.

That was the only break his father needed to savagely pull his jeans from his lean hips along with his boxers and send them flying across the room.

Dean heard the sound of another zipper being pulled down, but he couldn't think clearly enough yet to do anything about it. He knew that he should fight, but he just didn't seem to have any control over his body.

Suddenly he felt an unfamiliar weight settle on his back, holding his shoulders against the cheap wood of the table and the realization of what was about to happen screamed in his pain frazzled mind.

"Dad…no…please…please don't." He whispered as he felt his father cup his ass and then there was nothing but pain, a blinding pain that rendered him incapable of moving as his father rammed home. There had been no preparation and Dean had never done this before, it had been only recently that he had discovered his preference for guys, and he felt something tear loose with the intrusion.

He screamed with the pain, but his father only laughed at him twisting his hands tighter into Dean's hair as he continued to ride him, allowing the blood to act as the only lubricant.

"Boy, you are lucky that your mother died! She would have hated what you became…what you are! Just a dirty little whore that no one will ever want…that no one will ever love!"

Dean felt his grasp on reality slipping as the pain was finally too much for his brain and it gave up the fight and settled him into oblivion.

XXXX

Sam waited for the nurse to return and give him news about Dean's condition, but she seemed to be taking forever and he soon found that his eyes would no longer stay open.

He felt a hand resting gently on his good arm as he tried to remember where he was and why he hurt so much.

"Sam?" The voice was obviously female and it belonged to…Anna.

"Anna?" he asked as he finally pulled eyes open and tried to focus them on the figure standing in front of him.

She smiled as she recognized the coherent answer, "Yeah…Sam it's me. You okay?"

He closed his eyes briefly and nodded. Just then the memory of Dean's prompt removal from his room and the fact that no one had come back to update him slammed into his unprepared mind.

Sam gasped as he realized that Dean was nowhere around and Anna looked exhausted…and upset.

"Dean?" he asked quietly.

She faltered and sank into the chair that Dean occupied when Sam had woken up the first time.

Huge tears formed in her eyes and started to roll down her cheeks as she finally looked back up at him.

"He's unconscious, they don't know what spiked the fever, but it is starting to come down…so they're hopeful that he will wake up soon."

He watched her facial expressions and he knew that she was keeping something important from him.

"Anna…what else?" His voice was almost a whisper.

She tried to smile, but it came off more as a grimace. "He had 2 more seizures; they don't know what caused them…or if there was any…permanent…damage." Her voice broke at the last word, and her head fell back into her chest.

Sam reached for her hand so she would look back up at him.

"Is he okay right now?" he asked.

She nodded, but again he sensed hesitation in her answer.

"What?"

"Sam, I think he was dreaming…about my father." She finally looked back into his eyes and he saw fear, disgust, and myriad of other emotions reflected in her eyes at the mention of their father.

"Okay…" he said hoping that she would continue.

She took a deep stuttering breath to try and steady herself, "I don't think he ever told me _everything_ that my father did to him. I mean he beat him on several occasions bad enough to warrant the hospital. But…I …never…thought he…" Sam knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

"What?"

"What he was mumbling…what he was saying…it sounded like…oh god Sam…it sounded like my father may have raped him." Her voice shattered at the end of her sentence.

Sam's heart constricted at the thought that there may be some truth to that, he knew that their father had been abusive, so was that really so much of a stretch? It also explained some of Dean's reactions to being touched when he couldn't see the person. Sam guessed that some of that was his military training, but he had never connected the dots back their origin…Dean's own father.

"God…Anna. Do you really think so?" He tried to say it in a steady voice, but his voice took on a shattered quality of its own.

"Yeah Sam…I do. The way he was begging and the fear…yeah I think that bastard did something awful to him… I remember this one time I found Dean beaten, unconscious, and almost naked on the floor of our shitty motel, he said a burglar had done it, but I never really believed him, I just couldn't face the fact that my father may have…and Dean just never told me…not that I'm surprised. He would have done _anything_ to protect me…and now…I think…he…did."

Sam just nodded and closed his eyes as he thought of the generous, strong, amazing man that Dean had become inspite of his upbringing. Pain washed over him as he wondered how Dean had kept all this to himself and still become one of the best people that Sam had ever met.

_And the love of my life._ That idea was now firmly implanted in his brain; there was no way to deny the strength of these feelings. The thought of losing him was simply unbearable it was like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room, there was no way that Sam could let that happen…Dean was too important!

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5: Recovery

Rating: MA as the relationship deepens and the abusive nature of Dean's past is revealed throughout this chapter, this chapter will get darker before it comes back around to the light. If you don't like this kind of story please don't continue as it is for mature readers only.

As always I do not own Supernatural nor any of the rights, these all belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Also any similarities to other stories or writers fanfic's is entirely coincidental and not a form of plagiarism.

If you like the story please review as this will help me stay motivated to finish the end of the story. Thank you for reading.

**Chapter 5**

_Recovery_

The nurse, Jane walked slowly to the room of the coma patient that had just woken up, Sam, but her thoughts were with the young man that she had just settled into the ICU ward. He was suffering from fever dreams, but the stuff that he was saying…it disturbed here on more than one level.

There was definitely more to the relationship between him and Sam, but she still wasn't entirely sure what that was. Sam had been petrified when Dean started seizing, she could see that from her quick glance in his direction while she had been helping Becky.

She decided that there was a strong possibility that they were actually 'together', and the funny thing was that the thought didn't bother her in the least, but she knew that if some of the other nurses learned of that 'fun' fact that they would indeed treat both men differently. So she had decided to keep her suspicions to herself for the time being. She pushed the door open and saw that there was a young woman inside talking with Sam, she wondered if she should come back later, but the promise that she had made held her in the doorway.

"Sam?" She said quietly,

Sam's eyes immediately moved to the nurse standing in his room, "Is he okay?" He was afraid of the answer, but he had to know Dean's condition.

She tried to smile, but it looked so…forced…that Sam didn't believe it for a second. He tried to shift in the bed for a better view, but pain shot through his left arm and through his back. His face scrunched with the intensity of that pain, but he bit his lip and waited for her response.

"Well…he's no longer seizing, so that is a good thing." Her eyes roamed around his room for a moment before they came back to rest on his. "We don't know the extent of the damage, or even if there is any, and we still don't know what caused the spike in his temperature. The doctor moved him to ICU, so they can keep a better eye on him, and we are monitoring his brain activity in an attempt to avoid another seizure."

Sam felt like he was dreaming…brain activity…permanent damage…_please Dean, you gotta be okay…I can't…I can't do this alone, not when I just found you, not when I finally found…love._

Anna nodded her understanding of the situation as well as she continued to hold Sam's good hand, rubbing small circles on his palm.

Sam nodded slowly, "Please…keep me informed?" he asked quietly.

"Of course sweetie, I will let know immediately if there are any changes…good or bad."

"Thank you." It came out as plea, and Sam hoped that she would remember him.

As she turned to leave Sam asked, "Is there any way I can see him?"

She looked back at the young man lying deathly still to avoid causing himself additional pain, "Not right now, you're in no condition to be going anywhere. Give it a day or two and we'll see about it."

Sam closed his eyes as the thought of not seeing Dean for a couple of days flashed through his mind. He hadn't gone for any significant amount of time without seeing Dean for months, and he knew that this was going to torture his already screwed up head.

"Okay." He managed as she exited his room. He turned emotional eyes to Anna and waited for her to say something.

"I'll go check on him Sam, and I'll let you know everything I find out." She leaned over and placed a gently kiss on his forehead before turning to leave the room.

"Thanks…Anna."

She turned and smiled through her own emotion filled eyes and nodded before pulling the door gently closed behind her.

Sam felt his eyes growing heavy with exhaustion as the events of the day manifested for the first time since Dean had collapsed on his floor earlier.

He wasn't a particularly religious person, as long as one excluded Easter and Christmas mass, but he prayed to whoever might be listening for Dean's health and ultimately his happiness.

XXXX

Dean was in his room when he heard the loud banging on his door and his father's irate voice sounding though it.

"Boy! You get your ass out here or I'm gonna come in and get you!"

Dean had no idea what he had done to piss off the old man this time, but that tone of voice never boded well…especially for him.

He wondered if he could go out the window, but then thought better of it as he remembered that there was no fire escape and they were on the fourth floor, he would probably fall to his death.

_Not that anyone would notice, and it is probably better than what that bastard has planned for me._

He heard his father stumbling up the stairs and a tremor of fear ricked through his body, this had been going on for the last two years. Dean was finally big enough that he wondered if he could take his father in a fight and just run?

But he discarded the thought almost as soon as it ran through his mind, Anna, their father would just take it out on her. The idea of his father touching Anna send Dean's heart racing with anger and fear. _I can't ever let him hurt her, whatever happens to me so be it. But not her…never her._

His father had figured out Dean's weakness for his little sister several years ago and he had not hesitated to use it against his son. Anytime that he wanted Dean to do something, to meet someone, to 'do' someone, he brought up the fact that there was always Anna if he refused.

That one fact had caused Dean to do things that made his skin crawl; he had discovered that there wasn't enough soap and the water would never be hot enough to scrub the lurid acts from his skin.

His father had never touched him 'sexually' again, after that first time…he hadn't needed to he had made his point, but he had left his dirty sordid mark on Dean's soul, as well as his skin.

Dean had spent 3 days in the hospital after that first time; Anna had found him and called an ambulance, he had told her he was attacked and had no idea who had done it. The doctors had begged him to give them a name, but he had shook his head in denial and rolled away from their sympathetic eyes and unwanted empathy.

But his father had him now, he knew how to manipulate him after that isolated incident, and he had forced Dean to 'work' for the dealers and anyone else that would pay. They had customers that had very specific 'needs' and he was absolutely 'pretty' enough to fit their clientele's many sordid fetishes.

The scene flickered out again, and Dean was suddenly standing in a shower stall with only a grey towel on, his fingers were tangled in Sam's long soft brown hair. Sam was moaning into the kiss as Dean moved one hand to the back of Sam's neck and pulled him impossibly deeper into his full lips.

"Love you…" Sam mumbled against his mouth as his hands settled on Dean's hips and the towel shifted slightly and fell to the floor.

Suddenly it wasn't Sam anymore; it was a nameless face from his past.

The man was probably close to 300 pounds and he smelled like old milk, he grabbed Dean's ass and squeezed it painfully, leaving finger prints bruised into the tender flesh. All the while his other hand had dropped to Dean's cock and grabbed it with equal pressure and a hint of appreciation.

Dean wanted to scream, but he was suddenly 16 again, and the man was nearly twice his size, he knew that this was gonna get bad. The man stroked him as Dean tried, unsuccessfully, to put his mind elsewhere, somewhere that the man couldn't get to him. The enormous rancid man only smiled and flipped Dean around, smashing his head into a corner of the stall and throwing him over the low half-wall of the shower.

Although Dean knew what was coming, he couldn't hold back the scream of pain and terror as he was _penetrated_, once again there had been no preparation, and his body panicked as the white hot pain lanced through him. Hot angry tears began forming in his eyes as he struggled against the flabby flesh of the man pinning him face down to the wall.

_Oh god…not again…please not again!_

Dean's mind screamed over and over, hoping, praying that this was just a rotten dream, a nightmare, but the pain only increased with the man's thrusts and his howls of laughter and grunts of pleasure at the damage he was inflicting. But no matter how much he wished it, Dean's situation didn't change, the man rammed in and out of him with no mind to what it was doing to Dean. He had never let go of Dean's own cock and now he was a stroking it in time to his own thrusts.

Dean felt his traitorous body start to respond, despite the intense pain he was in, and the humiliation washed through him in waves, if he could have collapsed from it he would have.

No one was ever gonna want him, no one was ever gonna love him after this…if they ever knew about this…about the things he had done to keep his sister safe.

Immediately all the other faces flashed through his mind, along with the things they had done to his body and soul. But the absolute worst thing was when Sam's face morphed into this nightmare. He was suddenly leaning against the opposite wall watching with a disgusted curl to his thin lips as the fat man continued to pump into Dean and his hand slid up and down Dean's own hard cock.

Sam's face was suddenly directly in front on him, and he heard the hated words from the one person that he knew he couldn't take them from.

'You're a whore Dean! You're soiled and dirty, how could you ever think that I would want to be with someone like you? The things you've done…the thing you are doing? Even Anna would turn from you if she knew. She'd hate what you have become…what you are!' Sam's voice raged through his pain fevered mind, all the while the man still rammed and stroked and Dean felt himself start to fade.

The man behind him came in a flash of burning white hot pain as Dean felt his own humiliation peak when his own body followed suit. The man pulled away and Dean felt the pain intensify as he was suddenly left to hold himself erect, the blood and semen running down his ass and between his legs to pool on the floor at his feet.

Suddenly Sam's fist connected with his face and had Dean seeing stars and sinking to his knees with his head buried in his hands, 'You're not even worth my time!' Sam screamed as he grabbed Dean's face and pulled it up so Dean had no choice but to look into his furious face. Hate reflected out his usually soft blue-green eyes as he hit Dean again and again, causing Dean to fall forward to the now blood covered white tile, only then did he turn to leave…_Sam…no…_ was the last coherent thought that raced through Dean's mind before it effectively shut itself down.

XXXX

Sam had finally convinced the nurses to let him see Dean, it had taken 4 days, but he was being wheeled to Dean's room by a large male nurse name Conrad. When they came to rest in front of the ICU room assigned to Dean, the nurse moved to push it open and roll Sam into the small room.

It was the first time that Sam had seen Dean since the incident in his own room, and frankly, Dean looked like shit.

His blonde hair was plastered to his head and there were wires, so many wires, running from various machines that were currently monitoring his vitals. Conrad rolled Sam right next to the bed and leaned down to flip the brakes on the chair into place. "I'll be back in about a half hour, that's all we can allow you right now."

Sam nodded as Conrad turned to leave, "Thank you." He said softly as the door clicked shut behind the nurse.

Sam reached out with his right arm and took Deans hand into his own larger one. "Dean, come on man…you gotta wake up."

He rubbed his thumb over the back of Dean's hand gently, hoping that maybe the skin to skin contact would help Dean as it had him.

Dean's eyes were moving rapidly beneath his closed lids, and Sam wondered what was going on his head, he prayed that it wasn't another nightmare. But somehow he just didn't think that Dean was lucky enough to dream about rainbows and kittens.

As it turned out the supernatural electricity that seemed to flow between them actually worked, Dean's eyes fluttered and cracked open.

Sam caught his breath and his heart clenched painfully as he finally saw the much beloved emerald green of Dean's eyes peek through the slowly fluttering lids.

Dean moaned slightly as the light penetrated his eyes and he tried desperately to pull his hand from Sam's grasp. "Dean?" He whispered.

Dean's head rolled in his direction and suddenly his face was filled with such despair and sadness that Sam thought he might actually die from it.

"Sammmm." Dean croaked and a sob worked its way up from his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut and rolled away from Sam's beloved face. _I can't handle this right now Sam, I can't…I'm just not strong enough…maybe I never was._

"Dean…no…I'm here." He increased the pressure on Dean's hand as he felt Dean trying to break the contact. Sam refused to relinquish his hold and finally Dean turned his pain filled eyes back to Sam. There was such defeat and even a slight amount of fear in their depths that Sam knew that the nightmares had not left Dean in peace.

"Why're you here Sam?" The question was whispered through parched, chapped lips.

Surprise flooded through Sam's body as he stared at Dean, "Because I love you Dean." He stated simply, the lump in his throat nearly choking him. Dean immediately squeezed his eyes shut, to block out the image of Sam and his confession. He felt Sam move his fingers from his hand and the slight pressure as he touched Dean's chin, he open his eyes at the unexpected contact.

Confusion, fear, despair, and finally slight hope flashed through Dean's usually guarded eyes as he stared at Sam, "You…love…me?" he asked. His voice had taken on the quality of a child begging for confirmation, but not really expecting one, as he stared straight into Sam's expressive eyes searching for the truth.

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing; Sam's soft words were warring with the one's that had been uttered in hatred within his own mind. He had been locked inside the prison that was his own head and Sam had told him that he didn't love him and that he wanted to leave him…that he was a whore…dirty…and not worthy of love.

But this 'version' of Sam was sitting by his side gently holding his hand with tears forming in his beautiful eyes and there was so much love being reflected from his face, that Dean didn't know what was real anymore.

Was this Sam real? Or was the Sam that hated him and blamed him for the sins of his father real?

Dean closed his eyes again as he tried to make sense of both his reality and the completely messed up situation of his dreams and memories, but the clarity he sought seemed to be just beyond his grasp.

"Dean, did you hear me? I said I love you, I'm not ever gonna leave you…I would _never_ leave you…I don't even think that I _could_." Sam whispered brokenly and quietly waited for some sort of response from this amazing, beautiful, and seemingly broken man lying in front of him.

Dean nodded slowly to affirm that he had indeed heard Sam, but his own thoughts were a jumbled mess as he tried to differentiate between what was real and what was part of the nightmares.

There was something about this man…kindness…tenderness…a connection…it made Dean want to believe that he was the real Sam.

Dean closed his eyes and simply listened to the trip hammer of Sam's heart and suddenly he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was _his_ _Sammy_; this was the man that he had inadvertently fallen in love with. He had tried not to bring Sam into the messed up life that was his, but as time had gone on, Dean, as it turns out, had been helpless to stop the fates.

"Sammy?" he asked quietly, his eyes filling with a dim version of the hope Sam had seen initially in Dean's eyes when they had first made their presence known to Sam.

Sam smiled, and it was so sweet, complete with those amazing dimples that Dean found himself trying to smile in response without even being aware that he was.

Sam's smile deepened when he saw Dean's reaction to him, and he leaned in slowly and pressed a light kiss to Dean's lips. He felt the slight hesitation in the set of Dean's mouth and the uncontrollable tremble of his lips as they came to together.

Dean struggled not to pull away initially, but then he let himself simply 'feel' Sam and he found he was leaning in for more contact instead of pulling away as every instinct urged him to do.

Sam slowly pulled away, too soon for Dean's liking, and laid his head on Dean's chest desperate to hear Dean's heart beating strong and steady.

"Oh god…Dean…I've missed you so much." He said into Dean's chest as tears formed in his eyes and dripped down his nose only to pool on Dean's hospital gown.

"I'm not the one that was almost killed in a car accident." The sentence held all the guilt that Dean was currently feeling as he stared at Sam's casted arm and the bruising on his face that had yet to heal.

"Sam, I am so so sorry, I wish…" Dean cut that thought off as it would just anger Sam, and that was not his intention, he didn't want to add fuel to the fire. But the guilt of what Sam had suffered and would still have to suffer was almost more than he could bear, and seemed to be crushing him from its weight.

His breath stuttered as he tried to get control of his raging emotions, and Sam just stared at him like he had grown a second head.

Sam's eyes scrunched together as he came to the realization that Dean was currently blaming himself for something that he had had no control over, it was an accident, that's all.

"Dean, it was an _accident_, you had no control over that truck. I do not blame you." Sam almost whispered the last part as he placed his good hand beneath Dean's chin and tilted it up to his waiting lips again. The contact was light but Sam tried to infuse the kiss with his need for Dean and his forgiveness for an action that was out of their control.

Dean found himself humming slightly against Sam's lips as he struggled to accept the gift that Sam was offering, acceptance, forgiveness, and finally unconditional love.

Sam leaned away after a few seconds and smiled at Dean, "Huh, You've never hummed at me before…does that mean that you believe me?" There was a lilt to his voice as humor found its way into the deep timbre of his response.

Dean smirked, "It means I'm gonna try Sammy…that's all I can promise right now." It was the most honest answer that he could give to Sam; he still didn't know how he felt or how he would move past this. But for Sam, he would try and move forward, in life and in love.

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6: Coming Home

Rating: MA as the relationship deepens and the abusive nature of Dean's past is revealed throughout this chapter. If you don't like this kind of story please don't continue as it is for mature readers only. This story will see Sam and Dean try to reconcile the Phantom Sam with the real one, there will again be mature content, so again if you don't like this please don't read.

As always I do not own Supernatural nor any of the rights, these all belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Also any similarities to other stories or writers fanfic's is entirely coincidental and not a form of plagiarism.

If you like the story please review as this will help me stay motivated to finish the end of the story.

Thank you for reading.

**Chapter Six**

_Coming Home_

It took two weeks before the hospital staff was confident in their combined recoveries to allow them to be discharged. Sam had only seen Dean a few times over that period; both his jackass doctor and Dean's had felt that they needed to time to recover without the emotional turmoil that surrounded the couple.

But the separation had been crippling for Sam, he was so concerned about what was happening with Dean, that the doctors kept sedating him to allow him to rest and heal. The only problem was that every time Sam clawed his way back to consciousness he was beside himself with worry until the doctors could be convinced to let him see Dean again.

He knew that Dean had accepted him back into his life, but the longer they were apart the more tenuous their bond got….and frankly it scared the shit out of Sam.

Dean was pulling away and Sam had no idea why.

He was so concerned that he had even talked to Anna to see if she had a suggestion, the only thing that she had said was 'Please Sam, don't give up on my brother…he'll come around. Just give him some time to sort through his feelings. He loves you; just…please…give him some more time.'

So now they were both seated in wheelchairs and waiting for Anna to pick them up at the hospital, Dean would be able to walk away from the hospital, but Sam it seemed, would have to be rolled away.

The compression injuries to his spine were healing, but he was unable to walk for long distances yet, and the cast on his leg wasn't really helping with that, which meant no running to alleviate his stress either.

_That is so not a good thing…for either of us. _He thought with disgust.

Currently, Dean was doing his best impression of a statue, his clouded green eyes staring off into space, "Dean?" Sam asked quietly.

When he didn't get a response, Sam reached over and patted Dean on the arm causing the older man to nearly jump from his chair in surprise.

"Huh…what Sam…sorry got distracted…" Dean's voice was rough with disuse and he had a deer caught in the headlights look in his eyes.

"You okay?" Sam asked as he maneuvered his chair to face his partner.

Dean pressed his chapped lips together in frustration at being caught not paying attention to his surroundings, "Yeah, Sam…just tired." Sam tilted his head in sympathy and placed his hand back on Dean's arm.

"You can get some sleep as soon as we get back home."

Dean smiled slightly and nodded without an answer as his eyes were drawn back to the window and the slowly falling rain, it matched his mood perfectly.

_Dean, you gotta snap outta this, dude. It's gonna kill you…I know it's already killing me._ Sam thought as he watched the iron gates closed again like a port coulis over Dean's emotions.

Dean's eyes suddenly focused and flickered at the sound of his baby rolling up, the fact that his little sister was driving his baby rankled a bit, but there had been no other choice. The Impala was their only method of transportation and he obviously couldn't drive, although he had tried to convince Anna and the doctors otherwise.

She had been taken to a wreckage yard after the accident, and Anna had had a local mechanic rush the repairs to ensure that it was ready for Dean.

It was a nice thought, but up until that particular moment no one had ever worked on his baby but him, not since the day he had bought her right after he turned 17.

But the engine was currently purring with its usual gusto and Dean knew instinctively that this particular mechanic had obviously known what he was doing.

A smile creped in at the corners of his mouth as Anna exited the car and strolled through the revolving doors with a grin the size of Texas on her face.

"I know you usually do the work yourself, but I wanted your homecoming to be perfect big brother." Her eyes suddenly dropped and her smile faltered. "I hope that's okay?"

Dean plastered a huge _fake_ smile on his face and stood up slowly, mindful of his injuries that were still healing, to embrace his sister.

"Yeah…yeah Anna…it's okay. Thank you." He wrapped his arms around her and felt her return the embrace with enough strength to make him wince as some bruises were pressed on accidently.

She pulled away quickly when she felt him wince, "Did I hurt you?" she asked as she took a step away from him to get a better look.

Dean again plastered the half-smile in place and shook his head as he patted her shoulder, "No Anna…I'm good."

She nodded and stepped over to Sam to give him a quick embrace before walking off to sign them out of the hospital. Sam was looking at Dean with a question in his eyes.

"What Sam?" Dean asked with defeat, he knew that Sam was gonna ask, what was on in his mind, whether or not he wanted to answer was another question he desperately wanted to avoid.

"Are you really okay? Because that was the fakest smile I have ever been witness to." Dean's eyebrows rose at the fact that Sam was able to read him that easily…_That is not necessarily a good thing for either of us._

Dean drew in a deep breath, which actually made his still healing ribs ache, as he answered, "Honestly?" He tried to smile, but it came off as more of a grimace.

"No, I'm not okay Sam. But if you give me some time…I think I might be, I'll try to be..."

Sam nodded his understanding as he reached out and pulled on Dean's arm to bring his face closer to his own. Dean struggled inwardly not to pull away…the phantom Sam still clearly remembered and still too horrible to deal with.

Dean hadn't told Sam about the things that the phantom had said to him and how deeply they had cut…and apparently scarred.

Sam kissed Dean lightly, not caring if anyone saw, "I'm here…if…when you want to talk."

Dean started and then pulled abruptly away, hissing at the pain it caused, from Sam as Anna approached with their discharge papers in hand.

"Okay boys…let's get you both the hell outta here." She smiled as she stepped up behind Sam's wheelchair and started pushing him to the car. Dean continued to stand there for a moment and then followed, the limp caused by his injuries evident in his awkward gate.

Dean watched the landscape roll by as he stared out the passenger window; it was the first time that he had ever actually sat in the passenger seat…he hated it.

But his leg wasn't ready to control the gas and the brake pedals yet, so he was relegated to the wrong side of his baby.

No music blared from the speakers, which was unusual, and Dean didn't seem to notice the unnatural silence of the car…but Sam did…and he was getting more and more concerned with each passing moment of it.

Anna pulled up right in front of their dorm and helped Sam exit the car as Dean pulled the wheelchair from the trunk. Both of the men were silent as they waited for her to park the car and come back to help push Sam into the building. Dean was starting to feel like a bit of an invalid, but the injury to his right arm wouldn't allow him to push the chair himself.

She jogged back to them, and Sam felt a pang of jealousy that she could jog along and he was relegated to this fricken chair…for the time being. He huffed as she stepped up behind him and started rolling him to their room; apparently she had had them moved from the fourth floor to the ground level to make it easier on both of them.

Anna handed each of them their new keys and pushed open the door to their room, inside was a banner that said welcome home!

Anna grinned from ear to ear as she rolled Sam to his side of the room.

Sam was surprised to see that this room had a private bathroom that was "handicapable".

"Great…all this just for me?" He managed to say it without too much animosity, but his dead pan expression couldn't be hidden as easily, as he looked around the room with a sinking feeling.

_God how long do they think they are gonna keep me in this friggin chair?_

Dean just looked confused as he looked around the room, "We moved?"

Anna had been busy cutting them both a slice of 'Welcome Home apple pie' to notice Sam's reaction to the room change.

"Yup…you did. The college actually suggested it since it was one of the few rooms that have a bathroom attached; they thought it might make the transition back to school life just a little easier." She placed a paper plate with a slice of the pie in front of each of them along with a plastic fork.

Dean smiled at her, although his stomach was doing summersaults at the thought of being left alone in the room with Sam. He wasn't afraid of Sam, just what Sam might want to talk about once there were no _prying ears_ in the area.

Dean picked at the pie without really eating any of it, he wasn't sure it would stay down if he did manage to eat any.

Sam watched with growing concern as Dean pushed the food around on the plate but neglected to actually eat any of it.

Anna had quickly excused herself after the pie was served, telling them that she had an afternoon class that she couldn't afford to miss any more of.

Dean wandered to the window and watched the rain drip off the trees directly outside their room, his good hand was stuffed into his pocket and his other arm was held immobile by a sling.

"Dean?" _Here it comes…_

Sam's eyebrows creased as he continued to watch him, he knew Dean was nervous about being alone with him, and he was going to do everything in his power to alleviate that discomfort.

"You wanna watch a movie or something?"

Dean spun around and gaped at Sam, "A movie?"

"Yeah, Anna got us a couple of new DVD's while we were out…I just thought that we could watch them."

Dean furrowed his eyes and a small smile, a real one this time, slipped into place as he realized that Sam was trying to give him some space.

He nodded, "Yeah…actually I would really like that." He went to help Sam out of the chair and into a comfortable seated position on his bed. Dean stuffed several pillows behind Sam's back and head and then moved to the shelf holding their few DVD's, seeing that the collection had indeed grown by a few more.

He plucked out the new Transformers movie and slipped it into the player, clicking the TV on and then returning to his own bed to sit down. Dean noticed the pained expression on Sam's face when he noticed that Dean wasn't going to sit next to him during the movie and he thought better of it…moving to take a seat next to Sam readjusting the pillows to support his arm.

Sam smiled with so much love, that Dean felt guilty that he was having a hard time putting the memories of the nightmares behind him as he looked into those soft blue-green eyes.

"Dean…I will give you all the time you need." He said as he leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Dean's forehead, before returning to his previous position on the bed.

Dean closed his eyes in acceptance and leaned his head on Sam's good shoulder as the movie started…"I know Sam…thank you."

Sam nodded and turned to place another gentle kiss on Dean's full pink still slightly chapped lips and then nuzzled down to enjoy the movie with the most important person in his life. "Love you Dean." He whispered as the opening scene began to roll.

"I know." Dean quietly answered.

Dean felt Sam's breathing ease as he started to slip into sleep, and he turned his head and just looked at the man lying next to his shoulder. A small smile started to pull at the corners of his mouth as he watched this amazing man.

_I don't know what I ever did to deserve you Sammy, but I am gonna try my best to be worthy of what you are offering._

The thoughts rolled through Dean's head as he watched Sam smile in his sleep and shift closer to Dean sliding down his shoulder until his head rested in Dean's lap.

Sam hummed slightly as he unconsciously placed his good arm around Dean's waist and snuggled, _he actually fricken snuggled, _closer to Dean.

Dean lifted his left arm and tangled his fingers into Sam's hair as the credits started to roll on the movie.

He found his thoughts wandering as he reflected on the messed up nature of his life and the gift's that he had been given…Sam and Anna.

_Oh god…I sound like a friggin girl…what the hell is going on with me?_

But there was no heat to the thoughts and he found that he was comfortable with the way things were moving. Dean knew that there would be difficulties ahead and that at some point he was going to have to come clean with Sam…_but not today._

He leaned his head against the wall and found his mind drifting into sleep; his last thought was of Sam as he slipped into the darkness.

XXXX

Sam immediately noticed that he was lying on something that was both soft and yet substantial as his eyes slid open and he looked at the TV that was now showing the menu for the movie that they had been watching.

He turned his head and noticed that he was indeed lying on _something substantial_…Dean's denim covered thighs…a smile immediately formed on his face as he nuzzled deeper into the comfort and he inhaled the scent of Dean's laundry soap and the aroma that was uniquely Dean.

He was warm and comfortable and he didn't want to move in case he woke up Dean, who seemed to be sleeping without dreams at the moment. He noticed that Dean's fingers were gently twined into his hair and his casted right arm was lying protectively across Sam's ribs with his hand resting just above Sam's hip.

_I cannot believe how much I love being held by him._

He wanted to close his eyes and fall back asleep, but a sudden jerk from Dean triggered by, what else, a nightmare had Sam trying to sit up immediately wake up the older man.

Dean's eyes were suddenly scrunching closed and his fist was clenching into Sam's hair painfully as his muscles began spasming.

"Dean?" He said around the clench of his teeth due to the pain in his scalp.

No response from the man above him, Sam tried again, "Dean?!"

Again there was no response and this had Sam surging to a seated position as he got his first look at Dean's panic stricken face. He untangled Dean's fingers from his hair as he tried to gently shake Dean from the nightmare that held him ensnared within its grasp at that moment.

"DEAN!" Sam said in a harsh whisper, trying desperately to wake him up without surprising him. Sam shook Dean twice as he repeatedly called his name.

Dean's eyes were rolling inside his head back and forth as he tried to pull out of the dream, sweat had beaded up on his face and was starting to drip down onto his chest.

"Sam…no…please…I'm so sorry…I wasn't strong enough…" Dean's voice came in a ragged whisper and Sam felt his heart shatter a little bit more when he realized that he was the cause of Dean's distress.

He shook Dean _hard_ this time and finally got a response, Dean's eyes flashed open; he was breathing heavily…and shaking as his green eyes flitted about the room trying to place where he was.

Finally his eyes landed on Sam's extremely concerned gaze, as he waited for Dean to recognize that there was no danger…that he was indeed safe.

He pulled back from Sam, almost violently, as far as the wall would allow him to as he breathed in and out in harsh gasps.

"Dean…you okay?"

"S'my…Sammy?" Sam's name came out in a rasp as Dean continued to lean away from him.

Sam's eyebrows pulling together in confusion and concern flashing though his blue-green eyes as he gently raised his fingers and brushed them through Dean's sweat soaked hair. "Yeah…Dean…are you okay?"

XXXX

Dean shook his head as he felt tears prick his eyes as he tried valiantly to control the emotions surging around in his fractured memories.

Dean's eyes finally took in Sam's extremely concerned expression and he physically shook as he slammed his wall into place. He couldn't expose Sam to the monsters inside his own mind…he just couldn't…_not yet, he won't understand…it's too soon._

Sam watched in horror as Dean closed up immediately and the blank mask slid into place leaving nothing of the pain that had been there only moments before.

"Yeah Sam, I'm fine." Dean untangled himself from the bed as he moved to stand, only wobbling slightly as his injured leg reminded him that he was not 100% at the moment.

"I just need some air." Dean moved to the door, ignoring the surprised look that flashed across Sam's face.

"I don't think that's a good idea Dean. You don't look too sturdy."

"Sam, I don't need you to sign a permission slip, really…I'm fine." Dean's response came out harsher than he had intended, but he just didn't have the strength to apologize at the moment.

He limped to the door throwing it open as he escaped the constricting atmosphere of their room, he heard Sam struggling to follow him so he turned, "Sam, stop. I'm not leaving…I just…I need some space."

Sam's puppy dog eyes were watching him from the bed with such fear and pain that Dean felt the air whoosh from his lungs as he turned away and gently closed the door.

He just needed to deal with some of this on his own, there was nothing that Sam could do to help him…not right now. The dream had been a recreation of the one in the hospital and Dean was struggling to put some perspective to it.

_Why am I dreaming about Sam hurting me? Why can't I just accept what he's offering and not worry about the future?_

The thoughts were jumbled together, the ones of Sam and who he really is and the ones of the phantom Sam that had wounded Dean with his cruel words and physical abuse. Dean knew that Sam shouldn't be held accountable for the nightmares that were plaguing his dreams. But somehow trying to separate the two while they were together was proving harder than Dean had ever thought it would.

He had hoped that with some time the dreams would stop…again like they had for a really long time, but the accident had ripped open the scab of a wound that had never truly healed…_and…god…now Sam is somehow a part of that tragedy._

Dean limped down the walking path as he tried to focus and calm his turbulent thoughts, so he somehow missed his sister coming from the other direction at a slow jog.

Suddenly Dean felt a hand reach up and gently touch his face; he threw himself away from the touch as his injured leg protested loudly and painfully and then gave out beneath him, causing him to fall to his knees. The gravel was instantly digging into his knees and pain slashed through his body immediately; he felt his jeans rip as he hit the asphalt, blood trickling down his knees onto the black rocks.

_Damnit! These were new too._

"Dean!" Anna cried as she went to grab his hand and tried to pull him back to his feet. "What the hell…you okay…why are you even out here?" She kept throwing questions at him without waiting for a response, and Dean shook his head as he tried to answer her.

"Anna, sorry…I didn't see you."

"I gather that. What the hell are you doing outside?" She looked worried as she tried to help steady him as he regained his balance.

"I…just needed some air?" he answered, it sounded like a question even in his own ears.

"Okay…where's Sam?" She moved to stand directly in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders to ensure that he was paying attention.

Dean pulled his brows together in confusion, "He's back in the room."

"What happened?" She asked simply.

Dean dropped his head to his chest as guilt flowed through him, 'I had…another…dream…uh…more like a nightmare…I guess." He wouldn't meet her eyes as he answered.

She placed her long thin fingers under his chin and pulled his face up to meet her searching eyes. "Dean…they are just dreams. They can't hurt you anymore…_he_ can't hurt you anymore…and Sam…" She stopped as she saw the hurt flash through his eyes. "Dean, he just wants to be there for you." She smiled. "And big brother…you need to LET him. What you two have…it's once in a lifetime. Don't throw that away." She glanced away briefly and then met his emerald eyes again. "Dean, don't let dad win…not like this."

At the mention of his dad Dean went rigged and his eyes filled with anger, hate, and finally the all-consuming humiliation. Anna patted his arm and gently turned him back toward the dorms.

"Come on. Let's get back before Sam has a coronary." She chuckled. "Or worse, he rolls himself out here to try and find you."

Dean actually cracked half a smile at that, because he knew there was a distinct chance that Sam would do exactly that.

He gently grasped Anna's hand and stopped her; she turned a questioning gaze toward him. "Thank you Anna." His voice was barely a whisper, but the sentiment was clear.

He pulled her into a hug and felt her arms tighten as they returned the gesture, "Love you big brother." She said into his jacket covered shoulder.

"Yeah…me too." He said as he pulled back and patted her on the shoulder. "Let's get back…to Sam." She nodded and they started back down the path.

XXXX

Sam felt all the air rush from his lungs as the door clicked shut and the thud of Dean's boots walking away from him. He knew that the dreams were causing some serious problems for Dean, but he had just walked out on him…again.

_I can't help you if you won't let me in Dean._ The thought repeated itself through his mind as he tried to get himself to his feet.

His back was protesting loudly and the pain was increasing exponentially as he pushed against the bed to help stand.

Sam grunted as he finally got to his feet and locked his knees, he tried to breathe through the pain as it washed over him in torrents. Suddenly his back spasmed and he felt his knees give out as he went crashing to the floor.

"Mhhm…" He moaned as he gritted his teeth when the pain only ratcheted up several more notches.

Sam slowly got his breathing under control and tried to roll onto his stomach so he could push back to his knees and at least stand a chance of getting back on the bed.

"Dean…I'm sorry." He whispered to the darkness of their room, the tears, he was pretty sure, were from the pain and began to roll down his cheeks with greater frequency.

Sam's back spasmed again when he tried to roll to his side and he felt his fragile grasp on consciousness slipping as the pain washed over him in torrents.

XXXX

Dean pushed the door open immediately noticing that the room was pitch dark, and there was no 'Sam sized' lump in Sam's bed.

"Anna, wait here. He might be in the bathroom or something."

"Sure, Dean…I'll go wait in the lobby. Just call me when you guys are ready." She hugged him and walked down the hall disappearing around the corner.

"Sam?" he called into the blackness. Still no response; Dean flipped the light on, still not seeing any sign of Sam's large form.

He walked around the first bed where he saw Sam splayed out on the floor, "Sam!" he cried as he sank to his knees, ignoring the flare of fire that reminded him of the injury to his leg and more recent ones to his knees.

Dean groaned and bit down on his lip to avoid crying out as said leg protested painfully at his quick and uncontrolled descent to the floor.

"Sammy!' He called again as he gently placed his fingers to Sam's throat praying for the 'thump, thump' of his strong heart.

Dean released a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding at the steady thrumming of Sam's heart. "Sam…come on man…wake up." He lightly tapped Sam's cheek trying to get a response. There was not even a flicker of Sam's eyes beneath the closed lids, so Dean knew that Sam was definitely unconscious.

"Damn-it Sam…why does everything have to be so fricken difficult with you." Dean muttered as he tried to pull Sam into a seated position so he could get him back into his bed.

"Come on man…don't make me call Anna for help. That would just be humiliating…and that's in a long line of humiliation lately…for both of us." Dean was sweating before he got Sam mostly upright and then moved to step behind him pulling Sam's huge frame up onto the twin mattress.

"Alright dude…you gotta lose some weight, or some height, or fricken just be lighter if you're gonna pass out on the floor…cuz damn…"

Dean knew he was rambling, but he couldn't help it, he was worried about Sam. There was also the small matter of his guilt to deal with…after all he had left Sam here alone, knowing he was seriously injured.

_My guilty conscience just got guiltier…thanks Sam..._

Although there was no part of him that was currently blaming Sam for this predicament…that blame could be firmly placed on his own broad shoulders.

Once Dean had Sam back up and situated on the bed he limped to the side and pulled the covers back, moving Sam's feet beneath them as he tried to position his legs comfortably. Next Dean went back to the head of the bed and moved the pillows to offer more support to Sam, with one placed strategically beneath Sam's injured left arm.

Dean stepped back and looked at his still unconscious roommate, and felt his heart strings tug at the sight. Sam looked so vulnerable like this, his face relaxed in sleep and body buried beneath a mound of fluffy blankets. He leaned in and placed a light kiss on Sam's forehead and was rewarded when he finally felt Sam shift beneath his touch.

_Oh thank god…at least you're okay; _Flashed through Dean's guilty mind.

He placed a quick call to Anna, explaining that Sam had actually _already_ gone to bed and could they get together tomorrow instead? She had immediately agreed, saying that both he and Sam needed to get as much rest as possible.

Dean clicked his phone closed and turned to look at Sam again, and for the first time since the accident he felt some measure of peace. Maybe it was because he knew that Sam needed him, or maybe it was what Anna had said outside, but either way he was determined to beat the demons that were still plaguing him years after the incidents.

He moved to the bed and noticed that there was just enough room for him to slide next to Sam on the outside edge of the mattress.

Dean slid onto the bed and placed his good arm around Sam and moved his head so it was resting on his own shoulder as he settled back to try and get some sleep. Dean gently kicked his boots off, hearing them thud independently as they hit the floor one by one; then he tucked his stocking covered feet beneath the covers.

Dean's gaze landed on Sam's face again and he leaned down and kissed him again, this time on Sam's slightly parted lips and was gratified to hear the slight hum as Sam settled deeper into the crook of his shoulder.

"Love you Sammy…" He murmured as he closed his eyes, determined to sleep without the interruption of his awful dreams.

XXXX

The first thing that Sam noticed was that he was no longer on the floor, and he knew for a fact that he had passed out there last night. The next thing he noticed was that he was lying on Dean's hard yet amazingly warm chest with his good arm wrapped protectively around Dean's waist and his casted hand tangled in Dean's black t-shirt.

Sam moved his gaze to Dean's face and noticed that he was sleeping…peacefully. Dean's face was relaxed and _god he was beautiful._

Sam smiled as he noticed how easily the thought came to his mind; as he reached up and gently brushed his fingers over Dean's full lips, trailing them down Dean's neck and allowing them to come to rest just above Dean's heart.

Just _feeling_ the steady thrum of Dean's heart was enough for Sam…Dean had come back for him last night.

Obviously Dean had helped Sam get back in bed, although he remembered none of it.

When Dean had walked out last night, Sam had thought that he was getting ready to run again, and it had taken everything in him not to go after Dean. But Anna's words had still been ringing through Sam's head as he had tried to get back to his chair, 'Let him come to you Sam.' She had said, so Sam had passed out on the cold hard floor instead, albeit unwillingly, it had…seemed like a good idea…if it had actually been his idea.

When Sam glanced back up he saw that Dean was now watching him, with amusement reflecting in his soft green gaze.

"Sam…next time you pass out on the floor…I'm gonna leave your really heavy ass there." He ruffled Sam's hair as he continued. "For someone who eats plants and other nasty green shit, you weigh a fricken ton dude."

Sam started laughing, it bubbled up from his chest and erupted from his lips as he leaned up to catch Dean's amused lips in a soft kiss.

"I'll try and remember to pass out on the bed next time."

Dean pulled back so he could look Sam straight in his eyes, "There better not be a _next_ time Sam." His green eyes were intense and sincere and there was no humor in them at the moment.

Sam's fingers gently grasped the back of Dean's neck and pulled him back down to meet his lips as he hungrily tasted Dean's again.

"Does this mean that you're really not gonna leave?" Sam asked as he pulled away to get a better look at Dean's reaction.

Dean smiled…a real smile…one that actually reached his eyes. "Yeah…Sammy it does."

Sam's mouth twitched and he pushed himself into a semi-seated position next to Dean and found himself being pulled in for a hug, while nestling his face into the crook between Dean's neck and collarbone.

Dean's arm came around him and held him tightly. Sam's lips started to move against the soft skin of his neck and Dean moaned quietly as he tilted his head back to give Sam better access.

"You know both of us are too broken to finish this…right?" Dean asked as he shifted his head exposing his jaw to Sam's questing lips. He felt Sam smile into the kiss as he chuckled beneath his breath.

He leaned back and looked at Dean; humor floating in his blue-green eyes. "Uh…yeah Dean…I'm _very_ aware of that particular fact."

"Oh…okay…cuz it kinda seems to me that you sorta forgot that fact." Dean smirked as Sam's patented 'bitch-face' made an unscheduled appearance.

"Nope…no…I definitely have not forgotten that fact."

"Okay…just checking." Dean said as Sam fastened his lips back on Dean's neck.

Dean leaned back and closed his eyes and Sam's warm breath pulsed against his tanned skin. _It was never like this with Michael…oh god if it had been, I don't think I could have let it go._

Sam's warm lips ghosted along Dean's strong jaw and came to rest on his pouty lips again as Sam's tongue slipped out to run along Dean's bottom lip.

He immediately opened his mouth and Sam's tongue shot inside, tasting Dean, their tongues battling for power. The kiss continued for several heated moments before Dean was the one who pulled reluctantly away from Sam.

"We gotta stop Sam…neither of us is physically up this…unfortunately." Dean closed his eyes as he tried to get control of the need that was bubbling around inside him.

Sam pretended to look hurt as he sighed, loudly, and acquiesced to Dean's better judgment. "Yeah…I know, but I just…_want you...now!_"

Dean leaned his forehead to rest against Sam's, closing his eyes as he tried to restrain his own intense need for this man, "Know the feeling dude."

"Dean…thanks for coming back…and thanks for getting me off the cold floor." Sam still hadn't removed his head from where it leaned against Dean's.

Dean leaned away to catch Sam's beautiful eyes, in an intense gaze, "I'll always come for you Sam…I promise."

The look Sam gave him was, amazing to say the least; it reflected all the love and hope he had building inside him as he looked at this man…_this man that I love more than anything in this world…this man that I would do anything for…and will be anything for you Dean._

Sam knew it was so far down the chick-flick road that there was no way that he would ever utter those words aloud. But it felt good to admit it, even if it was only to himself, how much Dean actually meant to him and the lengths to which he would go to hold onto him.

TBC…

_Would love to hear from people about how they think this story is going. Again please be constructive as this is my first story and I was unable to have it Beta'd prior to posting it. Thanks._


	7. Chapter 7: Where do we go from Here

How will Dean deal with a small mistake made in a movie theater and how will Sam reconcile his need with his sense of propriety.

Rating: MA as the relationship deepens and the abusive nature of Dean's past is revealed throughout this chapter. If you don't like this kind of story please don't continue as it is for mature readers only. This chapter is dealing with how different the boys are where sex is concerned and learning what is acceptable and what is not. There is a small sex scene is this chapter so consider yourself warned.

As always I do not own Supernatural nor any of the rights, these all belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Also any similarities to other stories or writers fanfic's is entirely coincidental and not a form of plagiarism.

If you like the story please review as this will help me stay motivated to finish the end of the story. Thank you for reading.

**Chapter Seven**

_Where do we go from Here_

(Several Weeks Later)

Sam sat across from Dean at the diner finishing his coffee and oatmeal; he watching as Dean stuffed himself with eggs, bacon, and hash browns. Dean's eyes softened as he glanced up to see Sam staring at him as he ate; _yup I am definitely staring, _at Dean.

Dean smiled as he finished the mound of food in his mouth, "What?" he asked.

Sam shook his head from side to side as he smiled back, flashing his deep set dimples in the process, "Nothing."

Dean continued to watch him with a questioning gaze, not believing his answer, "Okay, starey McStarerton…what? What the hell are you thinking about…cuz you're thinking _it _really loudly."

Sam looked away suddenly a little embarrassed that he had gotten caught staring…openly…again.

"Just thinking about how far we've come over the last several weeks."

Dean nodded his agreement as he shoveled another monstrous bite of his 'not so healthy' breakfast into his mouth, "M'hhmm…what else Sasquatch?"

Sam inhaled deeply, gratified to feel that, finally, his ribs didn't protest too painfully at the action. "I…just…I guess I'm feeling pretty good today."

Dean smiled, a smile that crinkled his eyes, at that and reached his hand across the table and squeezed Sam's in a silent confirmation.

"Yeah…me too Sammy."

Sam simply shook his head at the nickname, it wasn't gonna do him any good to correct Dean, and squeezed Dean's fingers back and then reached for his 'girly' latte, well it wasn't really a _latte_, but with all the cream he had in it, Dean seemed to think it was.

Dean pulled his hand back across the table, "So…spring break is next week…"

"Yeah? And…" Sam asked wondering what Dean was getting at.

Dean dropped his eyes to his almost empty plate, looking suddenly sheepish, "Well…I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere?"

Sam's brows pulled together mirroring his slight confusion, "I thought we were going to study? I mean we both have finals, and I have the LSAT's coming next month and you need to study for the MCAT."

Dean exhaled loudly, "Yeah, I, know…but it's our first spring break…_together_…ya know?"

Sam snickered, "Yeah…I know Dean, but we missed so much school, what with the accident and all, I just think maybe we should use the time to catch up."

Dean's slight smile faltered at the mention of the accident, and Sam mentally kicked himself for bringing it up.

"Sorry man, but I can't risk my scholarship…and I have the interview for admittance into the Law School program…like in 5 weeks. That isn't much time to prepare."

Dean's disappointed green eyes flickered back to Sam's, "I know Sam…its fine…we can just stay here."

Sam saw the disappointment register clearly on Dean's beautiful face, before he was able to school his expression into one of acceptance.

"Maybe we can cruise over to the beach or something one day." He suggested.

Dean plastered a million watt smile on his face at the thought of Sam in nothing but a pair of board shorts and some flip flops.

"I could get on board with that."

Sam's thoughts shifted to the idea of Dean in the same state of undress and suddenly the beach sounded like an incredible idea.

"Maybe we could even stay the weekend?" He suggested as he wriggled his eyebrows at Dean.

Laughter bubbled up out of Dean's chest and he shook his head in false defeat, "Oh…okay…I suppose I could put off studying for…like…two days." Dean answered with an eyebrow wriggle of his own.

"You boys need anything else?" Maggie asked as she stepped over to fill up Dean's coffee.

Sam placed his palm over his own signaling that he was good.

Dean turned his smile on the waitress, "No sweetheart…we're good. Thank you." She smiled brilliantly at them in return and left the check on the edge of the table.

Sam made a grab for the tab, but Dean was quicker, "Nuh uh Sammy…I got this."

Sam's lips curled up at the action, "Ya know, at some point you're gonna have to let _me_ buy _you_ breakfast…or possibly dinner?"

Dean met his amazing blue-green eyes and smiled…"Yeah maybe…but not today Sammy." Dean pulled his wallet from his back pocket and dropped a twenty and four ones on the table as he stood up.

"I guess we're done?" Sam asked as he got slowly to his own feet. His injuries were nearly all healed at this point, but his back still twinged occasionally. He leaned against the table while the pain passed. Dean's overly observant eyes were watching him, the concern in them exponentially increasing at the obvious evidence that Sam was still not completely pain free as of yet.

Sam hadn't told Dean that the Doctor's had told him that he never would be completely pain free either; he would always have some pain where the disks had been compressed after the accident, no amount of therapy could repair that.

_But that is not something that you need to know._ He thought as he smiled at Dean, trying to assuage his concern.

"You okay?" Dean asked quietly, his eyebrows coming together in unmasked concern.

"Yeah, Dean I'm fine. It just takes a second after I've been sitting for a while." Sam straightened up and began walking slowly toward the door, Dean falling in step beside him.

"Hey, I've got physical therapy this morning. Mind driving me there?"

Dean reached out and slid his fingers into Sam's hand stopping him; Sam turned questioning eyes toward him.

"Of course not bitch…it's a chance to drive my baby right?"

Sam chuckled and pulled Dean into a quick hug. "Always jerk. I know how much you loooove to drive that car. I'm not even sure that is healthy Dean."

Dean smirked at Sam and stood back to get a better view of his beautiful blue-green eyes.

XXXX

Dean sat and watched as Sam struggled through the physical therapy, it was painful to watch but he felt that he needed to observe it to remind himself of that fact that he was ultimately responsible for Sam's pain.

"Come on Sam, just one more." Jackie, Sam's physical therapist said as she smiled up at Dean.

Sam groaned as he nodded and pushed out one more rep on the leg press, sweat pouring down his face and dripping onto his chest.

"Great job today, Sam. A few more sessions and you might be ready to get back in the gym on your own." She said as she noted the number of reps on her clipboard.

Dean actually smiled at that, he knew that not being able run or hit the gym was driving Sam crazy…it was driving him a little crazy too. He his missed their early morning runs and Sam telling him about some new machine that the gym had recently gotten.

The only thing that the doctor's had okayed, outside of therapy, was swimming, and frankly swimming laps were getting on Dean's nerves. He needed the open air…not to mention his iPod blaring awesome music and drowning out his own crappy thoughts.

Sam stood up and walked to the bench where Dean was seated and picked up his jacket, the sweat evident on his face as pulled it on.

"Thanks Jackie, I'll see you next week."

"You did awesome Sam, keep up the good work. Bye Dean." She said as she walked behind the desk to write down their next appointment.

As an afterthought Sam turned toward the desk, "Hey Jackie, I think we're gonna be gone for a few days next week, can we schedule for the following week?"

Dean's eyes flew up to meet Sam's in surprise at the statement.

"Yeah…sure how about Wednesday at 4:30?"

Sam nodded, "That would great."

He turned and started walking again, a sly smile on his lips as he heard Dean jogging to catch up.

"We're gonna be gone?" He asked as he slowed to a walk, unconsciously, matching Sam's pace.

"Yeah, my crazy ass roommate wanted to go to the beach or something…"

A smile stretched across Dean's face as he realized what Sam was saying and that he was going to get to have Sam all to himself for a few days. No books, no computers…minimal clothing.

"Maybe we could even hit a movie…this afternoon?" Dean's voice was hopeful as he glanced at Sam out of the corner of his eyes.

Sam grinned, "I think that could be arranged."

Dean unlocked the door to the Impala, immediately reaching across to unlock Sam's door. "So…roomie…where we going?"

Sam turned to look at Dean, as he pulled two tickets out his jacket pocket, and handed them to Dean.

Dean tilted his head as he read the destination on the tickets, "Ventura Beach? Seriously?"

"Yeah, I figured I owed you for all the breakfasts you've bought…so I splurged and already reserved us a hotel room near the beach."

Dean looked at Sam incredulously, "Uhh…you could've just bought me breakfast dude." But the smile that was now plastered on his face told Sam that he was thrilled with the gift.

"Not quite the same…plus you have _never let me buy you_ breakfast, remember?" Sam answered simply.

"Oh yeah." Dean said as he started the car. He looked over to make sure that Sam had put on his seatbelt before he put it in drive and headed back to the dorms.

"So, how goes the studying?" He asked once they were cruising down the road, safely.

Sam nodded, "Good, I have a paper to write this weekend before the break, but other than that I'm all caught up. You?"

"I have to hit the lab for some microbiology project, but the rest of my classes actually pretty easy."

Sam snorted, "I wish I could say that."

Dean looked at him, "Well, having an eidetic memory kinda helps."

Sam blew his breath out between his lips as his eyes narrowed in mock anger, "Ya think?"

Dean smiled broadly and wriggled his own eyebrows at Sam, "Not my fault dude…born this way."

Sam nodded, "I know, I just wish I had been born with that particular _problem_ too…jealous ya know.'

Dean snorted at that, "A perfect memory…not always a good thing Sam." His smile faltered as he thought of how well all the events, good and bad, of his life were branded into his memory banks in perfect detail.

Sam licked his lips and nodded as he sensed the instant change in Dean's demeanor at the mention of his past. He tried to immediately change the subject, "Wanna try to go to the gym this afternoon?"

Dean recognized what he was doing almost instantly and he appreciated the effort. "Yeah, sure maybe you can hit the pool, and I'm sure that would help with your back."

Sam inhaled sharply and pulled his lips into a grimace, "I can try…might not be very good yet."

"Doesn't matter, I'll be impressed…promise." Dean replied as he ran his hand through Sam's soft hair.

"And then maybe we can hit the cinema tonight and catch that new action movie? Ya know the one with that guy from the pro wrestling thing." Sam said as he reached across the car to take Dean's hand in his own. He twined his long fingers through Dean's and squeezed as he felt Dean close his own fingers around Sam's.

Dean grinned as he looked at Sam briefly, "Only if I get to pick that particular flick…"

Dean…true to form picked that action movie while Sam was put on popcorn and snack duty. He knew that Dean would want the freakin nasty-ass licorice, so there was no way that Sam was gonna buy that crap and feed it his boyfriend. He instead opted for a large popcorn with extra butter and a diet coke…cuz it would make Dean nuts, along with a box of junior mints…_because they were at least slightly healthy._ He started towards the theater and spotted Dean about half way up in the center of the row.

Dean grinned broadly as he saw Sam slightly limping gate come around the corner and then stop to scan the theater for him, he felt his heart flutter at the thought that this gorgeous guy belonged to him. He raised his left arm and waved it around; getting Sam's attention and watching as a smile spreading across his face and revealing the dimples that Dean loved so much.

Sam slid into the seat next to Dean, and passed him the bag of popcorn and set the large soda in the cup holder between them.

Dean immediately took a large drink of the diet coke, and almost chocked as he realized too late that it was indeed _diet_.

"What the hell Sam!" he whispered loudly, looking around and relaxing slightly as he realized that they were alone in the theater.

"You know I hate diet!"

Sam leaned over and took a large drink of the soda, and replied with a wink, "Yeah, I know…but I don't."

Dean rolled his eyes and thrust his hand into the popcorn, "That's just cruel Sammy." He whispered as the movie started.

Sam leaned over and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, since the theater was dark, "Yeah, but if it helps…I still love you."

Dean placed his now empty hand on Sam's thigh and slowly slid it upwards toward his groin. He knew that the intimate contact would through Sam off guard so…totally worth it.

Sam yelped as Dean's long fingers brushed his balls through his jeans and continued up to the waist band of his jeans and then touched his stomach as Sam's t-shirt was gently pulled out of the way.

Sam scooted back in his chair, wondering if he could back right through it into the row behind him and tried to ignore the growing tightness was now located below his belt line.

"Really…Dean…really!" he whispered with a growing desperation and large amount of irritation. They were in a freakin public place for crying out loud, and Dean knew that this would be incredibly uncomfortable for him.

Dean turned his incredible green eyes on Sam and a smile played at the corners of his plump lips and he continued to slide his fingers along the inside of Sam's jeans.

"There's no one else here Sammy…we are the only ones in the theater." Dean whispered as he expertly flicked open the button on Sam's pants, and pushed his hand inside to palm Sam's growing erection over his boxer briefs.

"Dean…please, not here." Sam's voice was strained as he tried to ignore the comfortable pressure of Dean's fingers as they continued to softly rub his cock.

Dean leaned over, "We could leave Sam?"

Sam turned toward Dean with irritation radiating from his lust blown eyes, "Yeah, like I can walk out like this…" He gestured toward his now obvious hard-on.

Dean shrugged, "Well now…I'm dying to get you home." His voice was thick with lust as he locked eyes with Sam, and expertly slipped his hand inside of Sam's briefs and touched the springy hair as his fingers slid down and wrapped around Sam's cock, slowly squeezing and moving up and down the soft rock hard shaft.

Sam groaned deep in his chest and leaned back further into his seat as Dean continued to stroke and squeeze.

Sam wanted this, he really did, but god…not in public…only now Dean had pushed him too far to stop, he felt the rise of heat at the base of his spine and the knowledge that he was about to cum made causing Sam to grab Dean's neck and pull his full lips to meet his own in a punishing kiss. Just as Sam was about to explode he felt himself moan against Dean's mouth and saw out of the corner of his eyes as a couple walked into the theater and stopped waiting for their eyes to adjust.

_Oh my god…Dean._ He thought with frustration and need warring for dominance in his head.

Sam gasped as he pulled almost violently away from Dean and slid his 6'4 frame back into his seat in immense embarrassment. Sam felt his body burst as his orgasm spilled over into his jeans making him feel sticky and just a bit dirty too. He reached down and pushed Dean's hand out of the way simultaneously pulling the zipper up and refastening his jeans. Sam grabbed his coat, strategically placing it over his now wet crotch.

Sam needed to get away, just for a minute, so he got up and started slowly limping toward the exit, not even looking to see if Dean was following him. He was embarrassed, shocked, pissed, and leaving right the hell now.

Dean scrambled to gather his coat and rush after a rapidly disappearing Sam. He ran the last few steps and grabbed Sam's arm just as Sam reached for the door of the Impala.

"Sammy…I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." Jeeze, he knew that Sam was new to this whole thing with him and that he had just forced him to cum in public.

The thought almost caused Dean to recoil as he thought of the word _forced_ in connection with Sam and sex…_oh my god._ That realization made Dean want to throw up next to the car.

"Just…take me back to the dorm Dean!" Sam snarled as he crawled into the passenger seat.

"Sam…" Dean didn't want to fight, especially not with Sam and not when he should have realized and stopped until Sam was ready to make this type of leap in their relationship.

"What the hell were you thinking Dean?" Sam said quietly as he continued to stare out the window at the rapidly retreating theater.

"I just wanted to touch you Sam; I guess it didn't occur to me that you wouldn't want that inside of the theater...I'm sorry."

Dean's eyes were full of remorse, guilt, and shame as Sam pulled his own gaze from the window and looked over at the man in the driver's seat.

Sam's eyes softened as he looked at Dean, "Dean, I'm not that great with public displays of affection, and that…God…that was so out of character for me and I had no control once you started touching me…I love you too much to hold back when you do." He looked away as a look of horror flooded across Dean's features.

"I made me feel like what we were doing was sordid and wrong, Dean." Sam finished as he looked back at Dean's panic stricken face as what Sam was saying splashed like icy water into his heart.

"Oh god Sammy…I'm so sorry." The words were spoken in almost a whisper as Dean's voice caught with emotion at the thought that he had made this man, this man that he loved beyond hope…beyond reason feel the way his father had made him feel for years. "Oh god…" He said again as he slammed on the brakes and the car skidded to a halt. Dean was immediately throwing his door open as he tumbled out of the car and onto his knees and vomited onto the gravel.

He vaguely heard the other door open and close as his stomach continued to rebel against him and deposit his dinner next to the Impala.

Dean felt a hand settle gently on his shoulder, "Dean…I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I just…I don't know how to handle that kinda thing. I'm so sorry." Sam sank into the dirt next to Dean, ignoring the pain that lanced through his back, and placed his arms around the older man, trying to calm the shivers that were currently trying to shake him apart.

A sob erupted from Dean as he leaned bonelessly into Sam, "Mmm…sorry Sammy…I never meant…I didn't want…" he whispered brokenly into Sam's shoulder.

Sam heaved a sigh as he felt the shudders rack this broken man's body as thoughts of his past flashed through Sam's mind.

"Dean…it's okay." He whispered into Dean's neck. "I love you…all the parts and all the crazy things about you. I love that you want to be with me no matter who or what is around, and I love that you are not ashamed of us." He drew in a labored breath…and chuckle escaped his lips.

"But if it has to be during a movie, let's just go to the Drive-In next time." Sam tilted Dean's eyes up so he could see into those amazing green orbs, "Okay?"

A small smile spread on Dean's lips at the thought of touching Sam in the Impala, he loved them both and the thought of having Sammy inside his beloved car was an intoxicating thought. "Promise Sammy?" he whispered as he leaned up and kissed Sam's lips gently.

Sam laughed softly, "Yeah Dean…I promise."

"Awesome." Dean whispered.

TBC…

_Ah so the relationship still has things that have to be worked out, Sam's injuries for one and Dean needs to deal with his past so he can move on. Guess we'll have to see how their trip to Ventura goes. Thanks for reading._


	8. Chapter 8: Regression

Rating remains MA, due to the nature of this story. What happens when Sam's injuries aren't as healed as they had thought?

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

I'm still working out the end, so I am not sure where the next chapters will take us, but I am excited to see how Sam and Dean deal with the continued problems associated with Sam's back and that will affect their relationship. They will be getting to Ventura, just give it some time. Thanks for reading.

**Chapter Eight**

_Regression_

Dean pulled into the parking lot at the dorm and smiled over at Sam as he exited the car, twisting to grab his jacket out of the back seat.

"Ya know, it's not really cold enough here to warrant the jacket Dean." Sam shot out as he laughed at Dean's serious over shirt fetish.

"Seriously Sammy…I love my coats…leave it alone." He growled as he pushed the back door closed and pulled his coat over his shoulders just to prove a point.

Dean glanced up at Sam and winked as he settled clothing into place, turning to walk toward the entrance of their building.

Sam grabbed his backpack off the front seat and shut the passenger door, apparently too roughly because Dean shot a glare over his shoulder as the car door clicked shut. "Sorry." Sam said quickly as he went to get his room key out of the front pocket of the pack. He felt his grasp on the pack slip as he did and m twisted to catch it before it hit the ground destroying his computer that was inside.

Sam felt a pop and then piercing burning white hot pain lance through his lower back and into his legs, which immediately buckled and slammed his knees into the gravel.

"Ughh…" He cried as his body continued its descent to the ground. Sam heard the awful sound of his computer smashing into the pavement as he pitched forward and tried to catch himself with his hands.

"Dean…" Sam managed through the pain as his back spasm-ed again and his arms unlocked causing him to fall face first onto the black top asphalt. His chin impacted the ground and that was all that Sam remembered as his world went black and he sank into the darkness.

XXXX

Dean spun around as he heard Sam's pained cry and watched in horror as Sam collapsed to the ground.

"SAM!" he cried as he started to run back to where Sam had just hit the ground, blood blossoming on his chin as his arms gave out and his head hit smashed into the black gravel of the parking lot.

"Fuck…Sammy…" Dean yelled as he sank to his knees next the unconscious form of his partner, reaching to gently place his shaking fingers at the carotid artery on Sam's neck to check for a pulse.

"Oh thank god!" Dean blew out the breath he hadn't even realized that he had been holding.

"Hey…" a voice asked from behind him. Dean turned to look at the speaker as he continued. "Is he okay? You need me to call an ambulance?"

Panic surged through Dean as he considered that question, the medical training he had told him that no, this just a recurrence of Sam's injuries. But the boyfriend side of him, the part that loved Sam beyond reason screamed a _YES, they needed a flippen ambulance, what the hell kinda dumb ass question was that?_

Dean pulled his concerned gazed back to Sam's unmoving figure and he knew that there was more going on here than he could deal with. Not medically, he knew that he was trained and that he could handle just about anything that could possibly be thrown at him. But, crap…where Sam was concerned he wasn't exactly running on all eight cylinders, "Uhhh…yes…please." He managed around the lump in his throat.

"Okay…buddy…yeah, just stay calm." The stranger said as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911.

Dean continued to press his fingers into Sam's warm flesh trying to take comfort in the strong steady thrum of Sam's heartbeat.

"Sammy…please." Dean begged quietly as he moved to steady Sam's neck as he repositioned his knees beneath Sam's head. He pulled his shirt over his wrists and gently rubbed the blood from Sam's chin with his sleeve.

The split was pretty deep and continued to seep as Dean pressed a clean part of his shirt over the spot, trying to stop the free flowing blood.

"Hey man…they said they are on their way and should be here in a few minutes."

Dean glanced up at the guy and nodded mutely, "The operator wants to know if he is breathing on his own?"

Dean shook off his anxiety and dropped into 'medic mode', "Uh, yeah. Breathing is strong and the heartbeat is pretty normal."

Dean's head shot up at the sound of the sirens and the approach of the ambulance.

_Sammy…god I'm sorry._

This whole thing, the accident, Sam being injured, god this was all his fault…everything went back to him not being able to handle the shit inside his own head. Dean had pulled Sam into a world that he himself didn't understand and wasn't really ready to deal with; and now he was drowning in the murky waters of his own past.

_Shit, and I'm pulling Sam down with me._

He looked down at the man lying unconscious beneath him and gently ran his fingers through Sam's hair with his unoccupied hand.

_My god…and I can't leave you…Sammy…I just can't._ The thought slammed into his heart as it clenched at the thought of trying to walk away from Sam again. Dean had made a promise to Sam, and it was one that he had every intention of keeping.

Dean felt the paramedics pull him away from Sam as they placed their bags next to his prone form.

He slid away from Sam to give the men room to work, even though every fiber of his being was screaming at him to stay there and protect Sam. Dean's eyes shut with anguish because he knew that he was the cause of Sam's pain and that there was no way for him to fix what he had broken. His weakness had broken Sam's beautiful body and there was a good chance that he would never be 100%. And yet, even after all of this, Dean knew that he wouldn't survive walking away from Sam, or worse, if Sam realized that he really didn't need Dean and left him.

"Hey you, buddy." One of the paramedics asked as he tapped Dean on the shoulder, causing Dean to pull away quickly from the unknown touch.

"Yeah?"

"Name?"

Dean struggled to put his thoughts in order so that he could answer the man, "Uh…Sam…Wesson."

"Okay, what's your relationship to the patient?"

Dean's heart clenched violently in his chest, "He's my boyfriend…"

The man barely showed any reaction to this revelation as he called in Sam's name, along with his current condition. They loaded him into the back of the ambulance and he turned back to where the other guy was still kneeing with his bloody hands resting palms up on his denim covered thighs. The look of utter devastation emanating from his glassy green eyes would have been enough for the paramedic to offer him the coveted seat next to the victim; even if he wasn't sure of their connection.

Dean looked up in confused surprise as he realized that the man had been speaking to him.

"You coming with him in the ambulance, or are you driving yourself?" The man was kind and his words were laced with concern.

Dean mentally shook himself and pulled himself to his feet, his knees immediately trying to buckle beneath him as the blood rushed back into his legs.

"Whoa buddy, you okay?" The paramedic asked as he started to move toward Dean.

Dean held his hand up as he steadied himself, "Yeah, just been sitting there for a minute, pins and needles in the legs."

"Yeah…alright, well let's go." He waved his hand inviting Dean to climb in next to him.

Dean inhaled sharply and crawled into the vacant seat next to the man, gently picking up Sam's hand as he did.

Sam's fingers squeezed weakly and Dean's gaze flew to meet Sam's own blue-green eyes as he blinked a few times and finally settled his gaze on Dean.

Dean tried to smile in reassurance as he read the silent question in Sam's eyes, 'What happened?'

Dean shook his head almost imperceptibly as he asked Sam to wait for the explanation until they were alone.

The confused orbs blinked slowly at Dean and he received another weak squeeze of his hand, a silent affirmative from Sam. Dean with concern as Sam's eyes slid shut again and his head lolled to the side as he again lost his battle with consciousness.

XXXX

The first thing that Sam noticed was that he was warm and _holy hell_, was he floating? Sam tried to gather his scattered thoughts as he attempted to place where he was and answer the more pressing question, _why was he floating_?

He moved his fingers and found that his left hand was resting on his stomach, and geeze the freakin sheets were itchy as hell. But his right hand was secured within something…fingers…someone else's fingers….Dean's fingers. Sam did a mental inventory of his physical state and immediately noticed that he couldn't move his legs…shit as a matter of fact, he had no feeling what so ever below his waist.

_Oh my god…am I paralyzed?_

His eyes flew open at that terrifying thought and he struggled to pull his hand from Deans so that he could figure out just what the hell was going on.

TBC…

_Author's note: So I did some research and the type of injury that Sam got in the accident would have had further problems. The physical therapy would have helped, but there was a significant like-hood that he would have had further pain and problems due to the compression of the spinal cord inside of the vertebrae. I know this is a shorter chapter, but I will post a longer one soon. And we are getting to the chapter where Sam and Dean get to talk about Dean's guilt and decide how they are gonna proceed from there._


	9. Chapter 9: Battles We'll Fight

Rating remains **MA**, due to the nature of this story. What happens when Sam's injuries aren't as healed as they had thought?

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

I'm still working out the end, so I am not sure where the next chapters will take us, but I am excited to see how Sam and Dean deal with the continued problems associated with Sam's back and how dealing with that will affect their relationship, is it strong enough to survive?

Thanks for reading. Please review if you like the story or have any constructive suggestions.

Chapter 9

_The Battles we are willing to Fight_

"Whoa there Sammy….you're okay." Deans voice interrupted Sam's panic for a split second and he swung his gaze to try and find the voice.

"D'n?"

"Yeah, hey." Dean's voice was strained and Sam squeezed his eyes closed while trying to focus around the fuzzy feeling slipping around inside of his head.

Sam pulled his gritty lids open and finally managed to bring Dean's worried face into focus.

Sam noticed that Dean's eyes were red from lack of sleep and his face was lined from leaning on his jacket as he was waiting for Sam to wake up.

"Dean? You okay?" He managed around the cotton that had taken up residence in his throat…_Damn medication._

Dean's eyes flashed with anguish before his slid his mask into place, and Sam wanted to groan with frustration.

_God…are we back to this again? _ He thought as he felt Dean pull his fingers from Sam's and sit back into the plastic chair he had just vacated.

Sam's lips thinned as he realized that this was going to be an ongoing thing with Dean, as soon as he thought that he was getting somewhere with the soldier, he would pull a 180 and dive back into the fox hole. Sam pulled a lung full of air in as he prepared to try and head this off before Dean threw up Constantine wire around his hole.

"Dean…what happened?" He remembered pain…so much pain, but that was about all he remembered at the moment.

Dean's face clouded for an instant, anguish lancing through his thunderous green eyes before he could stop the storm. "You…um…your back, it gave out. You collapsed next to the car." He was careful to keep his voice neutral as he recounted the story of Sam's regression.

Sam's blue-green eyes looked away as he absorbed that it was the injury from the accident that had landed him back in the hospital.

_Well that explains why Dean's acting this way…he feels guilty._ The thoughts tumbled through Sam's head as he started piecing together what had happened.

Dean turned in the chair, so that he was facing more toward the door, like he was getting ready to run and Sam furrowed his eyebrows in frustration.

"Dean…when did this happen? Yesterday…when?" Because frankly Dean looked like he had been sitting in that chair for more than a few hours.

Dean's eyes dropped to the floor as he answered, "That was three days ago."

Sam felt like he had been punched in the solar plexus, _three days…what the hell did they give me?_

"What?"

"You've been in a medically induced coma for the last 72 hours. Doc said it was the best way to ensure that your back had some down time for healing." Dean ran through the information like he was reciting the pledge of allegiance. There was no emotion in his voice and his mask was so securely in place that frankly it was starting to scare the shit out of Sam.

"Shit Dean…did you at least call Anna, let her know where we are?"

Dean's eyes flickered back to Sam's, "Yeah, she had to get to back to class…uh…test I think."

Sam nodded slightly, "So why can't I move my legs?"

Dean shook his head and pain again flashed across his face as he scrubbed his hand over the stubble that he generally shaved off every morning.

"I think I better go get your doctor to explain." He stood up and turned for the door as panic spread through Sam.

"Am I fucking paralyzed Dean…what's going on?"

Dean froze and his shoulders slumped as the weight of that question descended like a 2 ton brick onto his frame.

"No…Sam. You're not paralyzed." He answered without ever turning to look at Sam and then headed toward the door, opening it slowly and stepping into the hallway.

Sam watched in horror as Dean walked out of the room, it was like he was talking to a stranger, _crap who was this guy_?

XXXX

Dean gently shut the door behind him and walked the two steps to the bathroom that was located next to the nurses' station. He was grateful that it was unoccupied as he slid the lock home and sank to floor as his emotions bubbled up inside him. Tears started to roll unnoticed down his face as he leaned against the door and dropped his head into his hands.

How could he tell Sam that there was a possibility that he would never do more than shuffle along with the help of a walker? The disc compression was more severe than they had thought, and the doctors had said that Sam had actually popped the vertebrae out of alignment in his back causing the collapse. The problem with this was that there was no real way to tell if the damage had affected his fine motor skills…at least not until he woke up and they could start testing.

The pain that he had caused Sam was tearing Dean apart inside, he had never wanted this…never; everything he touched just turned to shit and he was helpless to stop it. If he had just walked up and gotten Anna that day or asked to change roommates when he realized that he was attracted to his geeky super sexy bunkmate…

But in true Dean Winchester style he had let his libido call the shots and now he was being forced to pay the pied piper for that indiscretion.

Dean felt the racking sobs start and he leaned forward to try and stifle the sound, burying his face in his arms. There was no way that he would allow Sam to see this, he was falling apart for crying out loud; and it was Sam that may never walk normally again. What right did Dean have to lose his composure over this, he wasn't the one that was going to bear the scars of that day on the outside. Although, Dean knew that he was scarred to hell and back on the inside, but he could hide that. Sam couldn't hide what Dean had done to him.

"Jesus…Sam, I'm so sorry." He sobbed into his tear soaked sleeves.

Dean heard a hesitant knock on the door and he his breathing hitched as he tried to gain his control back.

"Just a minute." He called quietly as he struggled to his knees and then slowly to his feet.

He hiccupped as he turned on the water and began splashing it on his face trying desperately to wash away any signs that he had been crying. Dean turned bloodshot forest green eyes to the mirror and leaned heavily against the sink. The face that stared back at him looked so guilty…and he hated it. There was no way for him to come to terms with this, not being this close to Sam and having to be reminded everyday that all of this could laid squarely at his feet.

Dean slid his eyes closed as he tried to decide how to proceed, he could tell Sam or Anna any of this. They would never understand, how could they when he himself didn't. Maybe the best thing would be for him to leave for a bit, just until he could work out the guilt and shame…

Sam's soulful eyes flashed through Dean's mind as he felt his knees weaken at the thought of leaving the two people in this world that he loved and that he knew loved him.

_Despite my past._

The thoughts were smashing through him, breaking him apart with their ferocity, pictures of Sam smiling at him like he had hung the moon; and Anna with her understanding eyes and unlimited capacity to forgive him anything.

_God help me…they could destroy me with one word and I can't leave because I promised._

Responsibility had been coded into Dean Winchester at his inception and he was helpless when confronted with it. He was responsible for what had happened to Sam, so if he left that would make him a shit-bag and a coward. And as far as Anna was concerned he had accepted that her fate tied to his so long ago that he could not separate the two any longer…wouldn't even know where to start.

Fuck…and now Sam had wormed his way into those hallowed placed in Dean's heart and he couldn't differentiate between Sam and himself. He was losing his ability to think clearly where the shaggy haired, girly coffee drinking, amazingly sexy Sasquatch was concerned.

Suddenly Dean felt something click into place within his heart, something that had been out of place for so long that he had not even been away of it.

Sam equaled home.

Dean shook his head as that thought settled into his heart, Sam was Dean's home. There was no one that would ever take that place and no matter what happened Dean would be there for Sam. It didn't matter if Sam could ever run with him again, it didn't matter that they may have to stay in first floor apartments for the rest of their lives, and the point was that they would have a home and that it would be together.

Dean felt the guilt lightened slightly as he made the concrete decision to be there every step of Sam's recovery. He knew that this would not be easy and that there were going to be times when what his father did to him would fester to the surface, but he knew that he could trust Sam to love him no matter what happened in the future.

Dean managed a small smile as his decision became like stone in his chest, he was now chained to Sam Wesson incontrovertibly for as long as he traipsed over this earth. He nodded slightly and moved away from the sink that had been holding him up, reaching for the lock on the door and clicking it open as he stepped into the brilliant white lights of the hospital hallway. He looked over at the man staring at him in indignation and smiled as he simply walked past the irritated guy.

Dean caught the doctor just as he was getting ready to start his rounds for the afternoon and explained that Sam was awake and asking question about his prognosis. Questions that Dean could not answer.

The doctor nodded and grabbing a clipboard from the outside of Sam's room as Dean reached for the handle on the door and held it for the medical professional to enter first.

"Sam." The doctor smiled as he noticed that Sam's eyes were open and he was lucid for the first time in days.

"I hear you want to know what we have in store for you?" the man continued, completely missing the way Sam's eyes slammed into Dean's with concern and fear as he took in Dean's haggard face and the red blotches that the water had not been able to wash away.

"Yeah….what's going on Doctor."

TBC…

Author's note: _So Dean has made his decision to stay with Sam through the recovery, but will Sam want him there once he learns the prognosis? Or will he push Dean away while trying to deal with this on his own?_


	10. Chapter 10: Sam's Will be Done

Rating remains **MA**, due to the nature of this story. Sam must make a decision, does he want Dean there for the recuperation, or does he want to be left alone to deal with this on his own?

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

I'm still working out the end, so I am not sure where the next chapters will take us, but I am excited to see how Sam and Dean deal with the continued problems associated with Sam's back and how dealing with that will affect their relationship, is it strong enough to survive?

Chapter 10

_Sam's will be Done_

Sam listened in stony silence as the doctor explained the further injury that his back had sustained from the fall three days ago and what that meant for his future. His heart plummeted as he considered what this would do not only to his dreams of being a lawyer but also at his being allowed to live out the rest of his days in relative happiness with Dean. His hopes dwindled to a tiny ember of the raging flame they had once been, the depression running rampant through his soul.

He closed his eyes and felt unwanted tears build in the back of his throat as piece after puzzle piece of his dreams were laid to waste by this medical professional.

He finally looked at the doctors compassionate eyes, "So…I may never be "normal" again?" Sam asked as he air quoted the word normal, looking for something in the doctor's demeanor that would say that he had misunderstood.

No such look or action was forthcoming from the man as he nodded and placed a sorrowful hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed gently as he turned to walk past Dean.

"Keep an eye on him…I don't think he's taking to too well."

Dean nodded and tried to smile at the man, it came out as a grimace instead. He turned toward Sam only to find that he had turned his face away from Dean and was now staring at the white washed walls of the corner.

"Sam…" He started to say and was surprised as Sam's face swung toward his, the expression he wore was angry and confused and so out of place on Sam's generally smooth face that Dean took an involuntary step backward.

"Dean…I need a minute." Sam looked away again.

"Alone."

Dean didn't know that it was possible to shatter a person's heart and soul with one devastating word. He dropped his head onto his chest as the pain flared within him again and he turned away from Sam.

"Sam…Sammy, are you sure?"

He asked, the hope that was underlying his question nearly undid Sam's resolve. But honestly he really did need a minute to absorb the information that the doctor had told him.

"Yeah, Dean…just go, please."

Sam said this so quietly that Dean nearly didn't hear it, he almost wished that he hadn't; because with those simple words he was severing Dean's life line and setting him adrift in a sea of guilt and pain.

Sam heard the door shut softly as Dean's footsteps retreated from the room, anguish bubbled up from the depths of his soul as he felt his perfect world shatter into a million pieces. He had wanted to be Dean's partner, not some burden that Dean felt guilty about and therefor was unable to leave, if he wanted to.

The tears poured from his anguished blue-green eyes as he felt his future slipping away, like a thief in the night. If he was going to be with Dean, he needed to be 50% of the relationship, not some 10%...with a walker and a trapped partner. The whole word partner, meant that each half was able to contribute to the overall happiness of each person. But Sam knew that he would never be truly happy if he couldn't be everything that he knew that Dean wanted and deserved. It would be better if he just let him go before he couldn't, before Dean had entrenched himself so deeply into this world of pain and misery that he had no shot at ever being happy. Sam's heart clenched as the next thought came from nowhere, _even if that means that he is not happy with me, but with someone else, at least he would have a shot at it._

Sam knew that this was monumentally unfair to Dean and that he would misinterpret and think that it was because he was responsible for the current state that Sam now found himself in. But Sam was doing this Dean's own good, he didn't deserve what Sam's condition would do to him and to Sam.

He didn't blame Dean, but he wanted to get better and walk to Dean…no run to Dean; but he couldn't do that with Dean here at his bedside every day. So he needed to get Dean to leave, just for a while…give him some time to heal his body and his mind. Once this was done Sam was certain that they could be together and they would get their own version of "happy ever after".

His decision was made, he was going to have to push Dean away right now so that he had shot at keeping him in the future.

_God, I have to hurt him to save him._

The horrible thought made Sam want to throw up, since he knew that Dean wouldn't handle the rejection well. He also remembered that he had promised Dean that he wouldn't do this, that he wouldn't leave and yet that was exactly what he was going to do. A small part of him prayed that Dean might understand or better yet that he would see through Sam's ruse and that he would refuse to leave Sam's side. Sam squashed that selfish thought as he strengthened his resolve to save Dean whether or not Dean wanted him to.

Sam looked back at the door and saw Dean pacing in front of the door, his currently unmasked face awash in pain and anguish. He closed his eyes and thought of running with Dean on the beach once he was well again.

Sam felt his thoughts go another direction and he remembered that kiss in the shower at the dorm. Hell it seemed like that had happened a million years ago, that amazing kiss the one that had unfortunately started this whole mess with the accident. Sam was kinda amazed as another thought occurred to him, he would have totally done it all again if it meant he got to have Dean…even if just for a while.

XXXX

Dean felt his heart hammering in his chest as he continued to pace outside of Sam's room, he knew that he needed to go back in and check on Sam. But his thoughts kept coming back to Sam actually asking him to leave his presence and that he had been unable to deal with Dean being in the same room. Dean tumbled to a stop as a terrible thought occurred to him, did Sam finally figure out that this whole thing never would have happened if Dean had not been in his life.

Dean's breathing came faster and faster as he started to hyperventilate at that particularly poisonous thought. He knew that he was responsible, but he had hoped that Sam might never blame him and that he could keep Sam…but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Black spots formed in front of his eyes as he began a full blown panic attack at the thought of being alone again. He had Anna, of course he had Anna…but as great as she was, she wasn't Sam.

Dean knew that he would never find someone like Sam again, not if he searched the world over, which he had no intention of doing.

Sam was it for him, there wasn't going to be any others…ever.

He surged blindly for the bathroom and again and slammed the door open as he felt his knees being to buckle, he managed to push the door closed and slide the bolt home as the black spots grew.

Dean pushed into one of stalls as his stomach roiled with nausea and he knew that his lunch would be making a second appearance. Just as he felt the bile start to rise in his throat his knees finally gave out and he plummeted forward, his arms too slow to stop the descent. Dean felt his head smash into the porcelain of the toilet, pain blossomed in his cheek and above his left eye and then he felt himself slide into blessed oblivion.

_Knocking…who the hell is knocking_… Dean could hear the loud banging on…something…the door?

His head was fuzzy and details weren't coming as quickly as he knew they should be. He should not be having any trouble recalled where was or how had gotten there, and where the hell was Sam?

The knocking increased in speed and the impact changed to one of desperate concern as a voice called over and over from the outside.

"Come one asshole, there are other people that need to use the restroom too." The guy sounded seriously pissed off, so dean assumed he must have been in here for a while.

The memories were slowly unraveling as he tried to piece them together, had his father gotten to him again. He had sure as hell spent enough time in the hospital as a kid to know that when you can't remember why you were there it was probably a bad thing.

But wait…Sam wasn't around when his father was beating the shit out of him, so that couldn't be it.

Suddenly the sight of Sam tumbling to the ground, his face contorted with pain as he reached behind to grasp at his lower back. Dean recoiled from the thought and shook his head to try and clear the remaining cobwebs.

Pain lanced through his head and he finally noticed that he had been lying in a pool of blood on the white tile floor. He reached up with his left hand placed it gingerly against his forehead, wincing as the pain increased at the light touch.

So he had hit his head, pretty damn hard judging from his scattered thoughts and amount of blood that came away as he removed his palm and looked at it.

_Sammy…I gotta go find Sammy._

The thought started to repeat itself inside of his head and he pulled himself to his knees, his stomach protested at the sudden change in elevation. He closed his eyes against the nausea and the bloody loud banging on the fucking door.

"I'm coming damn-it!" he called as loudly as his head would allow.

"Hurry up ass hole, I got a kid that's gotta pee." The man called through the door.

Dean struggled from his knees to his feet and grabbed a handful of paper towels from the sink and placed them gently against his bleeding head. His eyes pressed closed slightly as he thought about getting the towels wet, but he decided against it since it was a kid that needed to get in here. He knew from experience that it was unwise to keep a child waiting.

He opened the door slowly and the man rushed past with him with a small boy in his arms squeezing his legs closed in determination.

"S'rry" Dean muttered as the guy glared at him.

Dean stumbled toward Sam's door as he recognized the hall, he was opening the door and halfway through when he recalled that Sam had asked him to leave. He stuttered to a halt and furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to place the jumbled thoughts in order.

He looked over at Sam's bed and his eyes slammed into Sam's slowly widening blue-green orbs.

"My god Dean, what the hell happened?" Sam struggled to sit up as he took in Dean's blood face and the soaked paper that was pressed against the wound.

"Just hit my head S'mmy…S'ry forgot posed to leave…" Dean was trying to keep his thoughts straight, but they were just not cooperating.

Sam shifted in his bed as he tried to get a better look at Dean. He wasn't making sense at the moment.

"Dean, come sit down before you fall down." Fear was flashing through Sam's mind, god he couldn't, he just couldn't force Dean away.

_I can't live without him, and I don't really want to know if he can live without me._

For the second time that day Sam came to a decision about his future and the one that he hoped to have with Dean. He was going to beat this fucking back problem, but he was going to do it with Dean's help…not without it.

Dean looked up with so much hope reflecting out of his green eyes, despite the blood dripping into the left one, that it simply took Sam's breath away.

Sam nodded and patted the spot next to his hip.

Dean smiled. A real smile, even though his face was obscured by the bloody towels and one of his eyes looked like the pupil might be blown.

_Concussion. _ Sam's mind suggested helpfully.

Dean struggled to walk the two steps from the door to bed, but he managed and sank into the spot that Sam had patted.

"Dean, I think you need to have a doctor look at that." He placed his fingers gently over Dean's and pulled the towels away so that he could get a better look at the wound and the eye that looked blown.

The green was nearly indiscernible as the black was taking up the majority of his eye at the moment, so Sam nodded and placed his hand back in place.

He removed his hand and reached for the call button, a nurse popped his head in almost immediately, "Yeah?" he asked.

He immediately took in Dean's appearance and pushed into the room walking quickly to the man sitting listlessly on the bed.

"Hey buddy, what happened?"

Dean pulled his gaze up and tried to focus on the man in front of him, "Fell…bath'rm…hit m' head."

The nurse nodded, "I can see that. Here let me have that so that I can get a better look."

Dean handed the bloody towels to the man as he pulled his latex gloves into place and gently poked at Dean's split skin and the blood that was still oozing from the wound.

The nurse immediately took in Dean's glassy eyes and the blown pupil of the left eye, "You've got a concussion, but I think we can get you stitched up right here."

Dean tried to nod, but the pain blasted through his skull, so he just waited for the man to return.

"Dean, are you okay?" Sam's gently voice asked as he reached over and placed a hand on Dean's thigh.

"Th'ght you w'nted me to le've S'my." He murmured as he tried to turn and look at Sam.

Sam's eyes filled with agony as he realized that Dean had guessed his plans and there was no way to lie to the man now.

"I thought I did Dean, but I realized that I can't do this without you, I need you in my life and I need here." His eyes reverted to the puppy-dog eyes that Dean teased him about as he continued.

"I need you Dean."

Dean's face softened and he leaned over and placed a somewhat sloppy kiss on Sam's lips, trying to avoid getting blood on his partner.

"Need you too S'my." He whispered as the door opened and the male nurse entered with the suture kit in his hand.

TBC…

Author's Note: _So at lease we know that they both choose to be with one another. The road is gonna be bumpy but together they are gonna make it. Still to come, recoveries, med-school and law school admittance tests, and of course the trip to Ventura. Because I am having such a good time writing this story I am posting a new chapter tonight as well as the one I posted earlier. Reviews really help motivate me to write, so thanks for that. :)_


	11. Chapter 11: Acceptance and Graduations

Rating remains **MA**, due to the nature of this story.

**This chapter contains a sex scene, you have been warned.**

Sam and Dean have made it past some of the worst things that anyone should ever have to endure and now after weeks of therapy, Sam is able to move pretty normally, he can even run for limited periods of time. So they are beginning to look forward to a future after the accident and Dean's past.

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

Chapter 11

_Acceptance and Graduations_

The weeks went by quickly as Sam progressed from the wheelchair to the walked and finally to only his own two legs. This wasn't to say that it was easy by any means, but Dean was there to support him and Anna helped where she could. She had to limit the amount of time she spent with the boys due to trying to maintain her own academic scholarship. But over all they were just…happy.

Dean had started to talk more and more about his past and the idea that they maybe they should start looking for a place together off campus. He was receiving the basic housing allowance from his time in the military and in addition to the money he had been able to save they could afford a pretty decent place. Plus both he and Sam were on the verge of graduating with the Bachelors in the next couple of months and the last thing that they wanted was to be Grad-students living in the dorms.

Sam's medical bills had piled up due to the time in the hospital and the constant physical therapy, but luckily the insurance from the guy in the truck had covered the majority of that.

Sam could not have been more pleased with their relationship either, they had finally moved past the problems associated with trust and the abandonment concerns that Dean had been suffering from seemed to have disappeared. Whatever had happen that day in the hospital, the one that had left Dean with a small scar above his left eyebrow, had been a god send.

"Hey'ya Sammy?" Dean's voice interrupted his thoughts and he glanced up from the book he was reading.

Dean's brilliance green eyes shone with excitement as he held up two letters and waved them in Sam's face.

Sam held his hands up for the letters, Dean snatched them away and instead sat with one leg on the edge of the desk and the other firmly planted on the floor.

Sam snorted and pulled his patented "bitch-face".

"Dean…I'm trying to study." But the comment held no heat as a smile etched its way into his lips.

Dean smiled and wriggled his eyebrows at Sam and flipped the letters over revealing that one of them was addressed to Sam. The letter had the emblem of the Law School for Stanford emblazoned in the upper left hand corner.

Sam's eyes shot back to Dean's in surprise and he reached for the letter more earnestly. Once again Dean snatched the letters away and then stood moving two steps from Sam, just out the reach of his "go-go gadget arms" and Dean liked to call the incredible reach of those appendages.

"Jerk." Sam said and turned back to his book like he intended to ignore Dean and the answer to his future life, which happened to be written on that damn letter.

Dean snorted, "Bitch. Get up and come and get this…it's only your whole future on a plate." He snarked as he sat down on his bed setting Sam's letter next to his hip in invitation.

Sam lurched to his feet and snatched up the letter before Dean could start messing with him again and sank down gingerly onto Dean's bed.

Sam glanced over and saw that the other letter was from the School of Medicine and was addressed to Dean.

His eyebrows scrunched together and he looked Dean in the eyes and saw the same concern and hopes that were currently flooding though him.

"Wanna go at the same time?" Dean asked and his eyes twinkled.

Sam looked down at the letter and then back into Dean's amazing eyes, "Wait, how about you open mine and I open yours?" He suggested as he held the letter up for Dean.

A look of uncertainty flashed across Dean's face, but he shook it off and held his own letter up for Sam to complete the exchange.

"Same time?" Dean asked.

"Yes, go." Sam said as he carefully tore the envelope open and pulled the letter out. He read quickly and a smile spread across his face as he read the coveted "congratulations you have been accepted to the Stanford School of Medicine for the following school year". His dimples plunged into his cheeks and he looked over at Dean with a grin.

"You got in!" he cried as he threw his arms around Dean and pulled him into his embrace. His lips immediately searched for Dean's and he found them slightly open and waiting as he plunged his tongue inside and proceed to kiss the breath out of Dean.

XXXX

Dean didn't protest as he returned the kiss with equal fervor, he had missed this side of Sam so much that he forgot that he still had to give Sam his own news. That fact caused him to pull back and rested his forehead against Sam's as he tried to catch his breath.

Sam laughed a deep bubbling sound that made Dean's heart stutter.

Dean pulled away from Sam slightly as he opened the now smashed envelope that he had crushed in hands when Sam had attacked his mouth.

The letter started out as they all do, and Dean's eyes lit up as he scanned the document looking for the key words, accepted and congratulations. He found them.

"Sammy, you're in man. You did it!" Dean could honestly say that as happy as he was about his own success, he was more proud of Sam's. The last few months had been so hard on him, but he had pushed through the pain and the misery. He had studied at physical therapy and made Dean quiz him so many times that Dean had the questions for all the practice exams for the LSAT memorized.

Dean pulled his gaze from the letter in his hand and looked into the soft blue-green eyes of his partner. "I love you Sam." He said it simply without any ceremony or fanfare and reached up for Sam's neck, pulling him into a passionate kiss.

The letter in Sam's hands dropped to the floor as he reached for the hem of Dean's shirt and pulled it up enough that he reach beneath it and run his fingers over the smooth plain of Dean's abs.

Dean groaned at the contact but never broke his connection with Sam's lips and he leaned into the touch. Sam's hands were roaming up Dean's chest slowly as his fingers ghosted across the well-formed oblique's continuing to his nipples and then sliding around to his shoulder blades.

Suddenly Dean's hands were pulling Sam's shirt over his head and pushing him down into the mattress and he carefully moved to the waistband of Sam's jeans.

Now it was Sam's turn to groan as Dean expertly flicked the button open and slowly, so agonizingly slowly pulled the zipper down.

Sam's head tilted back as he felt Dean's lips travel from his mouth to his neck even as Dean's fingers softly swept over his now fully erect cock.

Dean felt Sam's hand move and he slid up Dean's own t-shirt, breaking the contact between Dean's luscious lips and his neck momentarily. Dean growled at him and then slid down Sam's neck to attend to each of his nipples with his tongue flicking across each one as he continued to descend Sam's well-muscled chest.

Dean had a momentary thought that he was glad that Sam had put back on much of the muscle that he had lost after the accident. The guy was relentless with the weights anymore, and Dean had to admit that he was pretty okay with Sam's new obsession.

"Dean…" Sam groaned as Dean's tongue ran along the path between his six-pack, only to stop at the top of Sam's boxer-briefs.

Sam lifted up his head to get a look at his partner and was surprised to see that Dean was grinning at him, his eyes a brilliant lustful green. He licked his full lips, "Tell me what you want Sam." Dean's voice was husky with want and Sam thought that it might have been the sexiest thing that he had ever heard.

"Just touch me Dean…" he managed through his clenched teeth. Sam was pretty sure that he could have cum without Dean ever having to touch his cock, but it wouldn't be as satisfying.

Dean felt his own erection get impossibly tighter at the wanton look on Sam's face, "Oh God…Sammy." He breathed as he attacked the soft layer of skin above Sam's waistband.

Dean's long fingers slid beneath the band and gently touched the velvety soft skin at the head of Sam's engorged cock, spreading the pre-cum over it as he pulled Sam's pants and boxers off, dropping them to the floor.

Dean marveled at the size of Sam for only about one second before he engulfed Sam into his throat.

Sam whimpered as Dean swirled his tongue over the head and reached up with his right hand to gently grasp the base, working Sam closer to orgasm.

Dean started to hum in the back of his throat knowing that this drove Sam insane, in a good way.

Sam threw his head back in pleasure as the familiar pressure started to build in his belly, he pumped into Dean's waiting mouth, careful not choke him.

Dean listened in fascination as Sam approached release, suddenly Sam grabbed his face between his hands causing Dean to halt and pull his eyes to meet Sam's lust blown pupils.

"Wait Dean…together." Sam said as he reached for Dean.

"No Sam, this is about you." Dean managed as he pulled his lips from their current task to talk. The raspy quality of his beep voice made Sam tremble and he could only nod as Dean leaned back over retaking Sam.

It only took a few more thrusts and Sam was cuming into the back of Dean's throat. He milked Sam's cock ensuring that Sammy was complete done before releasing the now softening member and licking his lips.

Dean's flickered up to meet Sam's closed lids, his breathing rapid as he came down from the intense orgasm.

Dean felt the heat rise in his lower back and stomach just as his own cock released its own orgasm simply from the sight Sam so sated, and the fact that he was lying there completely naked didn't exactly hurt either.

Dean pulled himself up the bed, reaching over Sam to grab the discarded t-shirt from the floor wiping the sweat from Sam's stomach as he pulled the comforter over them both. The fact that he was still dressed and the Sam was naked didn't seem to matter to either of them at the moment.

Sam smiled as he opened his arm so that Dean could lie next to him with his head on Sam's shoulder.

"I've missed that Dean." He said quietly, leaning over to place a kiss on Dean's sweat dampened temple.

Dean smiled and a laugh escaped his lips as he answered, "Yeah, me too Sammy."

Sam turned over so that they were facing each other, "So I guess we have to seriously start looking for a new place to live?"

Dean nodded, "We do, don't we; I don't believe that they let graduate students live here anyways."

"Honestly, I think I'm ready to move on from this tiny little room anyways."

Dean smiled at Sam's comment, "Yeah, there's a lot of memories here, good and bad."

Sam's face crumpled slightly as he quickly ran a montage of what they had been through in the last year.

Dean exhaled slowly as he saw Sam's expression change, "I suppose without all of it, we wouldn't have ended up where we are." He turned to look Sam in the eyes, holding the contact as he continued. "And Sammy…I wouldn't change that for anything in the world."

Sam's eyes softened again and his smiled spread across his face as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Dean's slightly swollen lips, "Me either Dean." He whispered against Dean's mouth.

"So graduation is like a month, and then we have the summer before grad school starts, I say we ditch Ventura beach and take a real vacation."

Dean snorted at Sam's suggestion, "Like where…Fiji?"

Sam considered that, and the few pictures that he had seen of the island flashed through his head along with the private beaches and the idea of getting Dean out of his clothes as often as possible.

"Fiji huh…" he said as he wriggled his brows at Dean.

Dean huffed out his surprised breath, "I was just kidding Sam, but really? Fiji?"

Sam's grin spread as the idea firmly implanted itself, he would have to do some research and see about the cost. But he was pretty sure that he could pull it off with the money that he had stashed away in a savings account.

"Yes Dean. Fiji."

Dean grinned at Sam and leaned over to kiss him again, swiping his tongue across Sam's lips and then plunging inside when they parted.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes just kissing and enjoying each other's company.

Finally Dean pulled away from Sam and sat up, smiling slightly as he noticed that Sam was half hard again.

"Sam, we promised to meet Anna for lunch at the diner, so we need to hit the showers and head over there before she kills us both."

Sam nodded pulling himself from the warm blankets and grabbing his stuff for a much needed shower.

"You're doing all the research for the Fiji trip bitch." Dean called after him as he exited the room walking toward the showers.

"I figured I was jerk…I don't think you even know how to research." Sam called snarkily over his shoulder.

He heard Dean's booming laugh as he entered the shower room.

TBC…

Author's Note: _So I got some really good reviews and thought that I should address some of the points that were brought up. First the idea of paying for an Ivy league school on the GI Bill, it can be done through a program called the Yellow ribbon program which helps military members attend expensive schools. This is generally in addition to the money from the GI Bill. And it is true that sending two people through such a school would have been difficult, Anna was attending through her own merits, not on Dean's dime. _

_So it appears that we are going to Fiji, I thought that it would great to get away from the drama for a bit. I think that the boys agree._ If you like the direction this is heading please review, or if you have constructive advice.


	12. Date Night

Rating remains **MA**, due to the nature of this story. Sam and Dean have to start dealing with reality in this chapter, they are still going on vacation, but life happens too.

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

I'm still working out the end, so I am not sure where the next chapters will take us, but I am excited to see how Sam and Dean deal with the continued problems associated with Sam's back and how dealing with that will affect their relationship, is it strong enough to survive reality?

Chapter 12

_Date Night_

True to his word, Sam did all the research for their trip, while Dean focused on finding them the perfect first apartment. Eventually Dean settled on a two bedroom two bathroom 2.2 miles from the campus. He knew that Sam not having a car could present a problem, the apartment was perfect, it had a balcony overlooking an amazing pool area with a hill behind them covered in ivy and tropical looking plants.

The apartment itself had a large kitchen, and since Dean actually knew how to cook, he thought they could save some money if he actually did so. But the most awesome part was the phenomenal gas fireplace, which frankly Dean couldn't wait to get Sam naked in front of.

He halted that line of thinking, because he was never going to get anything done if he started down that road.

Sam was feeling so much better, they had even talked about heading out to the local 'hot-spot' for drinks.

So Dean had to finish his research paper so that he could tell Sam that he had, otherwise Sam wasn't gonna let either one of them go anywhere.

_Kill joy_. Dean thought as his eyes returned to the screen in front of him, luckily he had written the majority of the paper and was now just proofing his material. The paper was about the changes that cancer cells go through as they metastasize within the human body…and he was thoroughly bored with it at this point.

"Hey Dean?" Sam's voice caught his attention from the doorway, where he was leaning with his backpack resting between his legs and the door still wide open.

Dean's eyes flew from the computer screen to Sam's tall silhouette and a grin spread across his plump lips at the sight.

"Yeah, Sam. What's up?"

Sam snorted and grabbed his bag chucking it on his bed and he walked over and planted a light kiss on Dean's forehead.

Dean shook his head, waiting for Sam to continue.

"So…you know it's like Friday night right?"

It was Dean's turn to snort, "Uh, yeah Sammy. I am aware of that fact, so?"

Sam looked a little embarrassed and turned to sit on Dean's bed facing the computer desk, "Well, I want to go to that drive-in movie we talked about."

Dean's face broke into a huge grin as he started picturing Sam naked in his car, instead of in front of the fireplace. He schooled his expression to one of mild interest, "I don't know Sam, it depends on what's playing."

Sam was already way ahead of him, luckily it was the new Die Hard movie, the one with the son, and it looked pretty decent, so Sam was onboard with going to see it. Although the smarted part of him wondered how much of the movie they would actually see.

"Dean furrowed his eyebrows in contemplation, "I see…and what's the second feature?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Zero Dark Thirty, the one about the team that went after Osama Bin Laden…"

Dean actually grinned at this, he had been wanting to see that particular movie since it came out two months ago.

Sam knew that this would get Dean there no matter what he had planned for the evening, and he wasn't disappointed.

"What time does the drive-in start?" Dean asked as he started bouncing around like a little kid.

Sam knew that Dean loved going to the movies, but this was a side that he had never seen of his boyfriend, and frankly…it was kinda cute. "What are you five? Dean."

Dean chuckled and sank back into his chair, "Na…I just love the idea that I get to take you to movie, in my car, and there will be no one there to see what we do." He winked as he continued, "Plus, I really want to see those movies."

Sam smiled and shook his head, "Okay, well then I can assume that we have a date."

Dean nodded enthusiastically, and then turned to look at the almost completed research paper, "I gotta finish this though Sam."

Sam glanced over his shoulder at the paper, and groaned as he read a couple sentences, "Looks riveting Dean…carry on." Dean shot him a glare as Sam started pulling gym clothes out of his dresser, "I'm gonna hit the gym and then the pool. I'll be back by eight, so we can leave by nine and be parked with popcorn by ten."

Dean smiled over his shoulder at Sam and nodded his agreement, he then returned to the rotten paper that was preventing him from joining Sam at the gym. He supposed that was what he got for leaving it to the last minute. His awesome memory definitely helped with final exams, but it did nothing when he had to actually create the information.

Dean turned to watch as Sam pulled off his jeans and slipped into a pair of loose running pants. He inhaled softly as he saw the muscles of Sam's thighs ripple as the pants were pulled up over lean hips and settled into place.

"You're staring." Sam stated as he halted and turned to look straight into Dean's amazing green eyes, eyes that were currently hooded in lust.

"Nope…nuh uh Dean. You have a paper due and I need to get some gym time in."

Dean groaned in disappointment as he pulled his gaze from his sexy roommate and turned back to the now totally shitty paper he still had to finish. "Fine." He grumbled.

"Later Dean…I promise."

Dean felt like Sam was placating him…with sex…_what the fuck Sammy_. He pulled in a lung full of air and tried to ignore the slight tightening that had started below his waist.

Sam laughed as he grabbed his iPod and headed for the door, stopping to place another kiss on Dean's temple before he left. "Later Dean…it'll be great." His dimples appeared as his grin spread across his lips and touched his beautiful blue-green eyes.

"Whatever Sam." Dean mumbled as he tried to stay mad at Sam, he only managed mild irritation as he thought of the evening that they had ahead of them. Sam rolled his eyes in mock irritation and headed out of their room.

Dean lost track of time as he tried to complete the last of the proof-reading for his paper. The insistent ringing of his cell phone finally pulled him from his musings, he grabbed it and looked to see who was calling him. It was Anna.

Dean hit the accept button and watched as the picture of his sister was replaced with a little cell tower showing 'connected'.

"Hey Anna, what's up?" he asked as he put her on speaker and set the phone down next to the computer.

"Not a lot Dean, just wondering what you and Sam are doing tonight?"

Dean shook his head, "Drive-in actually…you?"

She hesitated, "Well, I have a date later and I wanted you to meet him before we went out."

Dean grabbed his phone clicking out of the speaker mode as he turned his full attention to his little sister, "A date? Do I know this guy? Is he in any of your classes? Make sure that you take the OC spray that I bought you and remember that if you hit a guy in the…." Anna cut him off, her voice dripping with exasperation.

"Dean. Stop. One question at a time big brother." She breathed in and continued. "Yes you have met him, yes I have all the sprays that you have given me…and yes I know what that kick will do to a guy." She chuckled through the receiver.

Dean wasn't really sure what she was finding funny, he hated the idea of Anna going out with anyone. Not because he didn't want her to be happy, but because he was positive that there wasn't any guy out there that was nearly good enough for his sister. Well except for maybe Sam…but he was taken.

"Dean, we are parking the car and heading up. So just sit tight and you can ask Castiel all the questions that you want."

Dean huffed in frustration and closed his eyes in an attempt to focus his turbulent thoughts, "Fine." He agreed after a second.

"See you in like two minutes." Anna said and then Dean's phone went silent as the call was disconnected.

Dean thought about this Castiel guy, he was trying to remember when he might have met the guy. Frankly the last few months had been just a bit busy and he wasn't really paying attention to anything but Sam, school, and Anna. He and Sam were doing great, they still argued over small things, like what type of noise constituted "good" music and which movies they should go see. There had been no serious arguments since the night that Sam had wound up back in the hospital. Now that Dean thought about that he vaguely remember Anna visiting with a tall dark haired guy. He was sure that they had been introduced, but he hadn't really been in a receptive mood that night.

He tried to recall any information about the guy and all that he could come up with was that he was tall with, _da da da_,… dark hair.

Dean heard the door push open, he had been waiting for a knock, so he was doubly surprised when a laughing Sam entered ahead of Anna and Castiel.

"I know right!" Sam said as he dropped his gym bag on the bed and gestured for the couple to enter.  
Castiel was about Dean's height with sharp features covered with a slight scruff indicating that he didn't think he needed to shave every day.

_Strike one._ Dean mentally tallied.

He had a hand resting loosely on Anna's waist as he joked with Sam, his blue eyes sparkling.

_Strike two dude._ Dean thought as he watched the guy touching his sister.

Anna grinned and stepped over to Dean throwing her arms around his shoulders and then pulling him toward Castiel and Sam.

Dean's arms instinctively went to return the embrace, his eyes never leaving the man standing in the same room with the two most important people in Dean's life. His eyes narrowed as Sam clasped the guy on the shoulder and bend over laughing out loud at something that Castel had said to him.

"Very true." He gasped as he tried to gather his breath. Sam looked up and immediately took in the distant look in Dean's jade colored eyes. He felt his laughter die in his throat as he saw the mistrust clearly evident in Dean's face. He straightened up and quickly grabbed Dean by the elbow, pulling him toward the door, "Anna, Cas…excuse us for just a minute."

Anna looked confused for a second, until she saw the look on her brother's face and she wondered if surprising him had been such a good idea after all, "Yeah…of course Sam."

Sam pulled Dean out the door and down the hallway away from their room, he was trying to find some privacy, since he knew that this conversation was not going to go too well.

Dean spun on Sam as soon as they were out of earshot of Anna, "What the fuck Sam!" he growled as he pulled his arm away from Sam's grasp.

"Dean, he's a good guy." He said quietly, he knew that if he started yelling than this whole thing was just going to go downhill in a hurry.

"How the hell do you know that Sam." Dean shot as his eyes spit emerald daggers, at no one imparticular, he wasn't mad at Sam, just the whole damn situation.

"Dean you didn't even give the guy chance."

Dean shook his head in denial, "And I have no intention of 'giving him a chance'"

Sam looked at Dean in sadness, "Dean, Anna deserves to be happy, and this guy seems to do that."

"Sam. Stop. Just stop. Anna's not your sister. You haven't been responsible for her for the last ten years." Dean shook his head in resignation. "I have." He pulled in a deep breath trying to think of way to explain to someone without sibling's the level of responsibility that goes along with that title.

Sam's face reflected sorrow at Dean's dismissive attitude where he and Anna were concerned. True, Sam didn't have a sister; but over the last year he had come to love Anna like she was his own little sister. He would do anything for her and the fact that Dean had just stated in no uncertain terms that he and Anna were not family cut deeper than Sam had thought it would. Honestly, he had never given it much thought, he just knew that he loved Anna, and that it had nothing what so ever to do with how much he loved Dean.

Dean saw Sam's face change as his statement sliced home; he hadn't actually meant to say it like that. He knew that Sam loved his sister and he was grateful for that fact, but he just wasn't ready to share the overall connection between himself and Anna. Not even with Sam, not at this point.

Sam nodded his understanding, his eyes taking on the look of the 'wounded puppy-dog' that Dean hated so much.

"Sam…you know I love you, and I know you love Anna…"

Sam breathed out a slightly shaky breath, "I know Dean, its fine." He closed his eyes in genuine anguish, "We should get back before they think they've done something wrong." Sam turned to started walking back toward their room, "Dean just give the guy a chance. Where would you and I be if you had never given me a shot?" This caused Dean to halt in his tracks and contemplate, for about half a second and then hurried to grab Sam by the shirt, pulling him to a stop as well.

"Sam…your right. I don't wanna fight with you. I'll give him chance, I swear." He whispered into Sam's ear.

Sam turned sad eyes back to face Dean, and then looked away for a moment, "Don't do it cuz you don't want to fight with me…do it because it's what's best for your sister."

TBC...

Author's Note: _So I wanted to ensure that they will continue to maintain their own personalities and that Sam and Dean were not going to turn into one of those couples that NEVER fights (I actually hate that, there's no truth to the relationship), and agrees with whatever the other one want's. The boys are headed to the movie in the next chapter, but something happens while they are there and Sam is forced to step up or shut up. _


	13. Drive-Ins, Rednecks, a Damaged Impala

Rating remains **MA**, due to the nature of this story. Sam and Dean have to start dealing with reality and rednecks… in this chapter, they are still going on vacation, but life happens too.

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

I'm still working out the end, so I am not sure where the next chapters will take us, but I am excited to see how Sam and Dean deal with the continued problems associated with Sam's back and how dealing with that will affect their relationship, is it strong enough to survive reality?

Please Review, Review, Review...it helps my process. As always constructive is the best, and ego stroking is always appreciated.

Chapter 13

_Drive-Ins, Rednecks, and a Damaged Impala_

Dean shook his head in frustration. There was no way for him to explain to Sam the level of responsibility he felt for Anna and the lengths to which he would go to keep her safe. He felt that same level of commitment to Sam as well, but I just seemed that when he tried to put it into words…they just came out wrong and he looked like an overprotective asshole brother. He inhaled sharply as the frustration build inside of his chest, _this just sucks._ He thought as he watched Sam's broad back disappear down the hallway back toward their room. H knew that he had just wounded Sam, deeply, and that he was going to have fix that, but he just didn't want to deal with that at the moment. He still had a little sister and some…guy…to deal with.

"Fuck." He muttered as he followed Sam. When he got back to their room it was to find Anna, not Sam waiting just outside their door. She looked up at him with a small smile and reached out with a hand, waiting for him to grasp it gently.

"Dean. I shouldn't have sprung Cas on you, but I just…I like him so much and I just wanted you to like him too." Her smile waivered as Dean stayed quiet.

"He's really sweet and he treats me well." She glanced down and Dean felt his heart strings tug.

He released he hand scrubbed a hand across his face as he pulled in a large breath of air, only to release it very slowly and look up into Anna's soft brown eyes. His own emerald green gaze conflicted as the brother warred with the protector inside his mind. His eyes softened slightly as he came to a decision.

"Okay, Anna I want you to be happy. God knows you deserve it." He paused as he watched a slow grin spread across her face.

"But." He cautioned, and the grin faded instantly, "I want you to double with Sam and I…maybe Saturday. So I can get to know this guy and make up my own mind about him."

Anna quirked her head to the side slightly, "What's wrong with tonight?" she asked.

Dean smiled, slightly. "I already promised Sam something."

The grin came back at megawatt power and she wrapped her arms around Dean's shoulders. "I love you Dean."

He rolled his eyes but returned the hug, "Okay, enough with the never ending chick flick moments, I get them from Sam too often…and we're gonna be late."

She laughed as he reached out to open their door, only to have it pulled out of his fingers as it was thrust open from the inside. Sam was standing there with his pound puppy power eyes, looking for the resolution in Dean's. He must have found what he was looking for, because he grinned and pulled Dean into the room. Dean just wondered if there was going to be any point in their relationship where those damn eyes weren't gonna work on him? He really doubted it.

Dean watched Anna and Cas head out, they were all going to dinner the next night, so that should give Dean some time to learn more about the guy.

Sam was pulling him toward the car now, kinda whining about the fact that they were going to end up behind some giant ass truck and wouldn't be able see the movie anyway.

As much as Dean wanted to go to the movie, with Sam, and he did…he just wasn't really into it at the moment. He just wanted to grab a beer and sit on his bed and brood about a situation that he really had no control over….and it sucked…big time!

"Dean…let's go." Sam said as he grabbed the handle to the passenger side of the car.

"We are going Sam." Dean answered in a clipped tone.

Sam's eyes narrowed, "Dean. You promised me a good time, and I don't want to deal with 'broody pissed off Dean' all night so…just stop."

"Fuck Sam, it's not like I can turn this shit off. I'm not a machine." He said in irritation as he slid the key into the lock and opened the driver's door, leaning over to unlock Sam's side.

Sam blew out a breath, "I'm not saying you are. But Dean, this is supposed to be fun."

Dean looked over at the concerned pair of blue-green eyes that were waiting for him to respond and pushed his feelings down so that he could give Sam what he wanted. He plastered a big fake smile on and cranked the engine of the car, sliding it easily into drive and then pulling out his space.

It took about twenty minutes to get to the drive-in and the 'fake' smile never left Dean's face. He cranked the music, so that Sam would be discouraged from talking to him. Dean knew that Sam was throwing concerned glances in his direction the whole drive, but he refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he wasn't really handling this too well.

The line of cars wasn't too bad when they got to the entrance; Dean paid for the both of them, and pulled into the slowly darkening parking lot, looking for an empty space that would work them. He finally spotted one a few spaces over from the concession area, he pulled into the space measuring so the speaker would reach his window.

"I'm going to go get us some popcorn, any requests?" Sam asked as grabbed his wallet and threw his door open.

"Licorice…and regular soda." He said.

"That's just disgusting Dean." Sam mumbled as he rolled his eyes in response to the requests that he already knew that Dean would make.

"You asked dude." Dean retorted as he went to the trunk to pull the quilt out and the pillows that they had thrown in.

"Yeah…" Sam said and walked away.

Dean was busy in the trunk and didn't immediately notice that a enormous truck was trying to pull into the 'too small' space next to Dean's car. The guy misjudged and got too close to the Impala so that when he and his buddies threw open the doors on the drives side, they slammed into Dean's baby leaving dents in the doors.

"What the fuck man!" Dean yelled as he came around the corner at the crash.

"Stupid fucking old car is too big for these spaces, you should'a parked at the back." The guy laughed at his own joke, as his friends came around front of the truck snorting with laughter as well.

"Are freaking serious right now?" Dean seethed, "You just hit my fucking car asshole."

The guy stopped laughing then and stepped up to Dean, his friends falling in behind him like little soldiers. It was obvious to Dean that this was not their first rodeo, they had obviously done this shit before, and they were big. Really freaking big, but the guy had disrespected the Impala, and _that_ just didn't happen in Dean Winchester's world.

He threw the first punch and had the satisfaction of hearing the guys nose crunch with the impact.

The guys friends were quick to jump in, one coming from behind Dean and slamming him in the back with something really hard, _crowbar_ Dean thought as his vision swam momentarily. He heard the guy drop the bar after one hit and then felt him pin Dean's arms behind his back as _truck guy_ slammed his meaty fists into Dean's ribcage, one, two, three times and then he shifted and threw a punch at Dean's face. He only landed the one punch, but it was a really fucking good one, and the fact that Dean's pretty sure he had a mild concussion, due to swimming thoughts and inability to string coherent thoughts together.

XXXX

"What the fuck dude!" Sam's voice cut through the group like a hot knife through butter. He had walked back just in time to see the guy through a punch into Dean's left eye, while another douche bag held his arms. He saw Dean's eyes rolling slightly as he tried to focus on the guy in front of him.

Sam felt the anger rage to life as his sharp eyes took in the scene in front of him, a crowbar on the ground, blood running down Dean's neck from the back of his head, and the bruise's that were already starting to purple on his handsome face.

If someone has asked him to explain what had happened next Sam wouldn't have been able to tell them with any certainty. He remember sending his fists into the guy he had seen hit Dean, and he remembered going after each of the other guys in turn, but that was really it. The rest of the fight was fuzzy, he just let instinct take over along with his training. It had never occurred to him that he could reinjure his back, he just…reacted. He knew that had they not "cheap-shotted" Dean, then he could have taken care of the redneck assholes on his own. But when you got hit in the head with iron…it just kinda scrambles the eggs.

He looked around at the four guys lying in the dirt, "Stay the hell away from this drive-in. I see you here again, and you _won't walk away._" He snarled as he knelt down next to Dean. He reached carefully for Dean's head pulling his eyes toward his own, looking for the blown pupil, that was a sure sign of concussion. Sam was disappointed when he saw that the left one was definitely not responding to the decreasing light in the area.

"Hey kid, you two okay." A kind looking elderly man had stepped up next to Sam, looking down at Dean in concern.

Dean rolled his eyes toward Sam's, "S'mmy…?"

"Yeah Dean…it's me. You taken on odds at four to one now?" Sam asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Hit m' b'by." Dean mumbled and started trying to sit up.

"Whoa, Dean. I think we should get you checked out."

"No..h'sptal." Dean replied with finality.

"Son, I think that might be good idea, they gottcha pretty good."

Dean's face lolled in the man's direction as he answered, "Had en'gh h'sptals…fer a lf'time." He slurred.

Sam nodded his understanding, "I'll try and talk to him on the way home." Sam reassured the older man.

The guy looked at the four men that were started to come-to, "You want me to call the police?"

Sam glared in their direction, "No. I think they got the message, thank you sir."

The man nodded and shuffled away.

Sam got to his knees and struggled trying to Dean up, Dean bit his teeth in pain as he straightened up, immediately bending back over into a fetal position.

Sam crouched next to him, "Dean…you sure you don't need a hospital."

Dean groaned, "Na…just bed r'st." His speech was clearing slightly, but he was still hunched over as he started coughing, blood speckling the ground as Sam watched in horror.

TBC…

Author's Note: _No date with Dean Winchester was going to end well if the Impala was damaged. So this is what could happen with a dent in the Impala, a crowbar, and a few redneck assholes. Don't want it to get too mushy. J Still to come, Fiji._


	14. Life and Moving On

_Rating remains **MA**, due to the nature of this story. _

_**This chapter contains a sex scene, you have been warned.**_

_Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline._

_This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story._

_Final Chapter, may include an epilogue, if it is requested by enough people, and they have a really great reason why they want it._

_Thanks for sticking with me through my first fanfic. Please review if you feel so inclined and if you have something constructive to say._

Chapter 14

_Life and Moving On_

"Dean, are you okay?" Sam asked as his level of concern ramped up to a 10. He reached down tried to support Dean as he helped him into the passenger's seat of the Impala; he was getting more concerned as Dean failed to answer him.

He was just finalizing his decision to take Dean to the hospital, no matter what he was saying about it, when Dean looked up at him and wiped the blood from his chin and tried to smile. It was weak and in Sam's opinion a lame attempt at calming him down, "No really S'mmy…I'll be o'ky." The words were still a little slurred, but Sam got the point and nodded as he bit his lip and slowly shut the door. He threw another glare at the guys that were only just now pulling themselves up from the ground and looking anywhere but at Sam. He shook his head in frustration, it seemed that no matter how he and Dean pulled their lives together, it was like the universe was silently plotting against them…well, maybe not so silently. He knew that they were meant to be, because honestly, there simply wasn't another choice as far as he was concerned and he and he was pretty certain that Dean felt the same. So bring it on…he thought silently as he slid into the driver's seat and looked over at a slowly slumping Dean. It broke his heart that this had happened tonight, this was going to be their first official date back out in the world after all the shit that they had dealt with the last several months. All they really had was this summer, because when school started for them next year, they each going to be so busy that they wouldn't really be concerning themselves with anything outside of studies.

_And the occasional study breaks that are going to involve hot sex with the future Dr. Winchester._ He thought smugly.

His smiled as this thought and the associated picture flashed through his head, he again glanced at Dean. He was surprised to see Dean's green eyes flashing with interest as he watched Sam drive.

"What's up Dean?"

Dean looked down in embarrassment at getting caught staring, it didn't help that he couldn't control his thoughts as they flitted from subject to subject, and he knew that this was a direct result from getting hit in the head. Sam continued to watch him frequently as he drove concern still etched around the corners of his puppy-dog eyes. Dean wondered silently about the blood, the rational thought of his brain figured it was from getting punched in the kidneys from the guy behind him, but he couldn't be sure, and there was no way that Sam was dragging him to a hospital, they had been enough hospitals to last a lifetime.

The pain was blossoming behind Dean's eyes again as the lights from passing vehicles flared at them as Sam drove. Dean moaned and closed his eyes again and leaned against the door, he was going to have one hell of a headache for a few days. He was pleased to note that his thoughts were clearing the further from the incident he got, the left eye had stopped swelling so that was a good thing. Sam threw another concerned look at him as they pulled into the parking lot at the dorm.

"Sam…I'm okay." He managed to say through gritted teeth.

"Sure Dean, that's why you were coughing up blood back there…because you're fine." He responded with a slight edge of anger, Dean didn't seem to get that as much as he worried about Sam, Sam worried about Dean just as much.

Dean refrained from answering and instead concentrated on getting out the vehicle and trying to stop the ground from swimming beneath him. Suddenly he felt a hand grasp his elbow and a steadying presence next to him, "Thanks Sam." He murmured without even looking to see if it was Sam.

"Always Dean." Sam said quietly.

XXXX

It had been two weeks since the incident at the Drive-in, and Dean was almost completely healed. There was just a slight green tint below his eyes where the bruising was still fading. His ribs had been another story, he had had Sammy wrap them, tight, and they were still a little sore when he took too deep a breath. The head injury still caused him some discomfort when light's shot directly into his eyes. He had taken to wearing sunglasses most of the time now, Sam had even taken him to the mall to get a really nice pair of RayBan's that were polarized. They had even managed to have Anna and Castiel over to watch a movie and play a _stupid boardgame_, but that was the most that Sam would let him do.

Dean leaned back into the seat of the airplane as it touched down on the runway, he was breathing heavily, he fucking hated to fly. _Helicopter's, not a problem, airplanes…big fucking problem._ Unfortunately, there had been no other way to get to Fiji…and damned if he hadn't looked. Eventually Sam had told him that if wanted to swim there that was fine, but Sam was going to fly. Dean had ignored the snarky remark and continued packing his duffel as Sam smirked in the corner. But as Dean and Sam exited the plane he looked around in amazement. This was the most beautiful place that Dean had ever been, never in his youth had he been on vacation anywhere. The sky was a clear azure blue with fluffy white clouds floating lazily past, there was a native woman, an extremely beautiful native woman, waiting at the base of the stair with leas, and she placed a blue one around his neck, kissing his cheek as she welcomed him. The woman repeated the act with Sam except that he was given a red lea.

"Right this way gentlemen." A man dressed in a fancy suit said as they introduced themselves to the concierge. The man took their bags and dropped them into the trunk of the small car that was waiting to take them to the hotel.

"This is amazing Sam." Dean whispered as they smashed themselves into the backseat, neither of them were small men, so it was more than a bit tight.

Sam reached over and grasped Dean's hand tightly, and nodded. His attention was still riveted on the outside scenery as they threaded their way down the winding road toward the remote hotel. Dean returned the squeeze and threaded his fingers through Sam's as he allowed his attention to be drawn to the scenery as well. Dean found that his eyes were slipping shut in relaxation just as they pulled into the entryway of the hotel, each small villa visible in the distance. The vacation package that Sam had purchased floored Dean as he looked at the private beaches and the amazing view of the ocean. He had no idea how Sam had paid for this, and he really wasn't going to ask and piss off Sam just as this vacation got started.

"Wow, Sam…this is…wow." He stammered.

Sam turned soft eyes in his direction and smiled sweetly, "I think we deserve it. Don't you?" Dean nodded in response and opened the door trying to pop himself out of the cramped backseat.

Once they were checked in and shown to their villa, Dean understood what he had been missing his whole life. He had never felt safe, not ever…not even in the military. Part of him was always waiting for the 'other shoe to drop', and as he looked over at Sam's broad back he realized that for him, Sam was safety…Sam was home. He pulled in a shaky breath at the realization and moved around the bed sliding up behind Sam and wrapping his arms around his waist, hugging the taller man from behind.

He felt Sam chuckle low in his chest, as he spun in Dean's arms so they were face to face. "I know Dean. I feel the same."

Dean looked up at Sam reached up to pull his lips down to his own, he gently ran his tongue along Sam's lips silently asking for permission to enter. He felt Sam smile and willingly open his mouth, Dean's tongue raced inside to taste Sam. Sam's tongue battle with his for a moment before relenting and letting Dean take control. Sam's hands slid up under Dean's t-shirt and pushed it up revealing Dean's toned stomach, his fingers feather soft as he traced the ridges.

"Mmm Sammy…" Dean groaned against his throat as his mouth dropped away from Sam's lips.

Sam took advantage of that and pushed Dean's t-shirt up over his head and dropped it to the floor. His hand immediately dropped back to Dean's stomach, tracing the smooth skin just above Dean's belt. He felt Dean reach up under his own shirt and mimic his actions, his own t-shirt sliding to the floor quickly forgotten. Dean's full lips shot back up and attacked his own, Sam pulled away for just a moment to look into Dean's lust-blown emerald green eyes. Dean's freckles standing out slightly against the slight green still beneath his eye.

"Dean…" Sam moaned as he reattached his lips and slid down Dean's own neck, latching onto his collarbone and licking his way down to between Dean's nipples.

"Oh god…Sam…" Dean's voice was husky as he tilted his head back giving Sam better access.

Sam felt his own need building to an uncomfortable level inside of his jeans, he knew that Dean would be having the same problem. He dropped his hand and rubbed over the bulge pressing against Dean's zipper. Dean moaned wantonly as Sam increased the pressure of his palm, and then immediately reached up to unbuckle Dean's belt and pop the button on his jeans. Sam's hand slid inside of Dean's boxer-briefs and gently wrapped his ling fingers around Dean's erection. The velvety smooth skin already slick with pre-cum, "Sam…please." Dean asked as he pressed into Sam's fingers, thrusting slowly.

Sam smiled at the thought that he could do this to Dean, that Dean would allow him this type of power still amazed him.

"No…Dean. Together." He said as he reached and slowly removed Dean's jeans, watching in fascination as Dean's erection sprang free. Dean's own hands were busily removing Sam's jeans and his own boxer's, Sam felt the pressure release and this time it was him who groaned from want.

Dean sought out his lips again and pushed Sam down onto the bed and he laid gently on top of him and kissed him until Sam wasn't sure what his own name was…

XXXX

The vacation turned out to be exactly what they both needed, they spent so much time in the ocean, that Dean was almost sure he would find gills if he could see the sides of his neck. He and Sam hiked in the volcano area's and looked for waterfalls, they spend a lot of time alone in their room just being with one another. Sam leaned more things about Dean while they laid in each other's arms, it was one of the first times that Sam knew that Dean wasn't holding back. Dean on the other hand learned that Sam was just as amazing as he had always known, Sam told him about his mother and Dean wished that he could have met that amazing woman. He often wondered what would have happened to himself and Anna if their own mother had survived to raise them. They talked about that too, and Sam had told Dean that although he wished that Dean had not had to go through what he had, he wouldn't be the Dean that Sam loved if he hadn't; he had pondered that and eventually come to the same conclusion that although he hated his father for what he had done, he was learning to like who he was, in spite of his shitty childhood. Even more amazing, Sam loved who he was and Dean couldn't ask for more than that.

Dean knew that their lives were not always going to be roses and rainbows, people were going to hate that they were together…bigots, but what he had with Sam was worth the sideways glances and whispers as they passed.

He hoped that Sam realized that their lives would be difficult and that they would fight, and that they would make up, and that it would probably always be just the two of them. But if Sam could accept that and move forward with life, then so could he.

THE END

Author's Note: _I am debating on writing a sequel where the boys are out of school, and living life. When they are presented with the opportunity to adopt a little girl that was abused by her parents, I think that Dean would make an awesome father in that type of situation. Tell me what you think?_

_I am still learning how to write a good sex scene for a male/male pairing, so please forgive me if it was abrupt, I will get better at this. If I can pick up someone as a Beta that knows how to write this, then that would help. Thanks for sticking with me through my first official fanfic._


	15. Epilogue

_Author's Note: So this is the final chapter for this fiction. I am already starting on the sequel which will follow Sam and Dean as they transition into the real world of jobs, and kids, and complications. I think it's going to be a little rougher on them than they might think, life usually is. But ultimately it is worth the journey._

_Thanks for coming along for the ride. Hope you enjoyed the story, it was my first try at this and I had a great time and learned a lot, I have even more respect for the Author's on this site than I did before, and that is saying something. So...yeah...thanks guys._

_Epilogue_

Dean looked in the mirror and admired how great he looked in his new suit, Anna had insisted that he go buy one for the graduation ceremony. His Med-school class was taking the walk at 2:00 pm sharp and he was so nervous. Dean hadn't really thought too much about what it would feel like to actually accomplish this. He had spent most of the last three years just trying to keep up with the work load, rotations at the local hospital, and making as much time for Sam as possible. Sam's graduation had been last week, and he had graduated top of his class with an offer from a top Law Firm in Los Angeles. He had specialized in Environmental Law, since he still had some of his idealistic expectations. Dean had chosen to specialize in Pediatrics, he knew that dealing with children would be difficult, but he also felt that he could make a difference there and he was desperate to do so.

"You can stare at yourself all day and you'll still be gorgeous Dean." Dean glanced up and smiled at Sam, who leaning against the doorframe in an amazing navy blue pinstripe

suit and a yellow tie that looked phenomenal on him. Dean smiled over at Sam and then looked down at the floor in sudden embarrassment.

Sam pushed off the frame and walked over to Dean, pulling him in for a long slow kiss and then resting his forehead against Dean's in silent connection. Dean breathed in the scent of his partner deeply and brought his arms up and wrapped them around Sam. "I love you Sam." He murmured against Sam's shoulder.

Sam pulled away slightly and stared into Dean's soft green eyes and smiled again, "I love you too Dean. What's brought this on?"

Dean shook his head and pulled away, "Nothing bad or weird Sam. Just we are going to be like official adults, with lives and careers, and a mortgage. I just can't believe that I made…that's all."

Sam tilted his head to the side and then smiled sweetly, "I can't believe it either. Graduations and then we close on that house next week; I can't really wrap head around it either." He snorted and continued. "I guess it had to happen sometime thought right?"

Dean nodded his agreement and stepped away from Sam and sank onto their California king sized bed, and then reached for his shoes, sliding them into place.

"Sam, can I ask you something?" He really wanted to talk about this, but he was scared at what Sam might say.

Sam gave him a funny look, "You can always ask me anything Dean."

Dean glanced down at the carpet again, and gathered his courage; this had been weighing heavily on his mind for years and for months really seriously. He pulled in a breath of air to steady his voice, "I want kids Sam."

Sam's eyebrows raised and he snorted, "Well Dean, it's a bit late to change teams, so how do you propose we do this?"

Dean's face lit up in a smile, Sam hadn't immediately shot him down. "Uh, I was thinking adoption?"

Sam nodded slowly as he tried to absorb that Dean was serious, he wanted kids, with Sam, and he was willing to talk about adoption. The thought had never really occurred to him before, it wasn't that he didn't want kids, he just never really considered that he and Dean could really be like other couples. They could have careers, and a home, and they could fill that home with children. What an extraordinary thought.

A slow smile spread across his face and his dimples deepened as he walked over to where Dean was sitting on the bed, staring at him with expectation and fear on his face. Sam leaned over and kissed Dean deeply, and knelt down in between Dean's knees and placed his hands on either side of Dean's face.

"Yes, Dean. I want kids. With. You."

Dean's eyes lit up with delight and he smashed his lips back into Sam's and ran his fingers through Sam's soft hair pulling the taller man down on him as he leaned back on the bed. Sam took the hint and licked at Dean's lips, which parted easily, allowing Sam's tongue access to the sweet recesses of Dean's mouth. Their tongues battled for a moment, before Sam pulled reluctantly away from Dean's luscious lips, and leaned back. "Dean we gotta stop. We have somewhere important to be…remember? That whole graduation, valedictorian, college thing…any of this ringing a bell."

Dean grinned and sat up on his elbows, "Oh yeah…Sammy I remember all of it." He looked away for a brief moment, "And tomorrow we start the rest of our lives."

THE END


	16. Another Epilogue: The Sequel

The sequel to **Three Years In** is up…please go read it. It is called **_Six Years In_**, and it is starting out amazing. So excited to see how Sam Wesson and Dean Winchester have gotten along after graduating from college and moving into their careers.

**Here's the synopsis:**

Sequel to Three Years In: This follows Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic & the past of their soon to be adopted child, Adam Milligan. Dean's past comes back to haunt him, can Sam and Adam save Dean from his own demons. Contains M/M relationship Sam/Dean Complete AU doesn't follow cannon. Hurt!Injured Dean Hurt!Guilty Sam. MA


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